(Closed) CATHOLIC bride with an OUTDOOR wedding

posted 10 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Well, I just got back from my engaged encounter and ll kinds of stuff was discussed here so here it goes:

Personally I would do it in the church because all of your sacraments, except possibly last rights, are made in a church for a reason and marriage is a very special sacrament between the two of you.  It’s the only sacrament that is between two people where a priest presides but does not participate.  I have heard of people having a small church wedding the day before the outdoor one, which  you can do, but make sure that you realize that the "real" marriage is the one done in the eyes of God not the civil one.  You would have to get a dispensation from your bishop in order to get married out side of the church and I’m pretty sure he won’t do it.  As for finding an open priest I think you will have a hard time because they can get in trouble for it first off and secondly they are the ones that are supposed to help with the dispensation. 

Canon law says that the marriage has to take place in a "sacred" place but the bishop can override what you think is a "sacred place".  Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

Miss Pickle 

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Okay, I was in your situation. I wanted to be married in the Church. I waited until I was an adult to make the choice to do my confirmation, so I knew I wanted to do it "the right way". I also have a very devout family- my mother has 8 siblings and one of them I consider to be the "church lady" (she runs the baptismal, wedding, RCIA programs at her church).

So when it came time to decide what to do about our ceremony, I knew what I wanted… but FH wanted a beach wedding. That’s where he proposed, that’s where we spend our free time, heck, that’s where we walk our dogs (our babies!!!!!). So I contacted three different churches in our town (St Augustine, FL) and was told that under no uncertain terms would we be allowed to have a wedding on the beach led by a Catholic priest. The bishop can make acceptions, but it is HIGHLY unlikely they would do that for an outside wedding, as according to canon law- it has to be in a "house of God". The bishop here is VERY STRICT… Now, we were given the option to do it in the church, but they would have to choose our date (or give us a list of options) b/c they had weddings booked over 9-12 months in advance, meaning a change of date, loss of deposits, etc (plus adding at least another $1000 into our budget for the church, Pre-Cana, musicians, offering, etc).   Also, they required letters from my previous Parish stating I’m a "Catholic in good standing" (whatever that means). That kind of irked me.

You have the option of actually having a JP service- or find a pastor of a less strict religion, at least the ceremony will be led by a Christian and will have God integrated into your ceremony. We ended up deciding to use his parent’s minister of their church (Baptist), and we will have our marriage blessed later by a Priest, therefore me recieving the Sacrament of Marriage and making it "official" in the eyes of the church.

As far as my devout family is concerned, when I asked my Aunt what she thought I should do and if she could help me, she stated that "I should actually decide whether or not I wanted to be Catholic any longer, rather than have a romantic wedding on the beach". Boo @ that. So we made our decision based upon what we wanted and just told everyone else that asked that this is what we wanted and what we were doing. This way I still have my sacrament, but FH has the one thing he asked for, a beach/outside wedding.

Here’s a previous thread about Catholic weddings with more info:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholic-wedding-advice

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2007 - Rosary Chapel & Monterey Marriott, Monterey, CA

You most likely cannot have an outdoor Roman Catholic wedding that will be sanctioned by the church. 🙁  So sorry you found out after booking your site. 

When they say that some sacraments can be performed outside of the church, they reserve that right for people who are too ill or unable to travel to the church. Some churches have outdoor areas that are blessed, so these are fine, but that’s the rare exception. 

Most people that I’ve seen who wanted the both a Catholic & outdoor ceremony have gotten married in the church on Friday afternoon in a small family ceremony, and then had a spiritual ceremony with a non-church officiant the next day. The other option is to have the wedding blessed in the church after the wedding, which requires the same paperwork as a wedding in the church. 

Good luck with your decision. I always envisioned an all outdoor wedding/reception, but it turned out the one church I could see myself getting married in was ideal since Mr. Lemon was Catholic. 

Post # 6
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

http://www.fatherboballmen.com/

Try this. When we thought about having our ceremony within our reception site, we contacted this priest. Many would object to this but we have attended weddings of friends who had a family friend/priest perform the ceremony outside the church without a problem. Although some family may frown upon this, it’s a matter of how you feel about it. Since you do plan on raising your children catholic, it’s worth thinking hard about because you may regret not getting married in a church later on in life and have a lot of explaining to do to your children. What does it mean to you? 

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I concur with Lemon. I hear it’s really hard to get married outside of the church. I wanted to get married near the beach but after exploring those options, learned that it was going to be near impossible.  I would highly recommend the Friday private ceremony with family and then the big celebration on Saturday.  Unlike snowpea, I have never met a practicing catholic who did not get married in the church, but I have known lapsed catholics who were married outside of the church and went through the convalidation process to get their marriage recognized by the Church. Convalidation may be a more difficult and trying process in terms of paperwork than the upfront wedding paperwork (from what I can tell).

 

 

Post # 8
Member
8 posts
Newbee

BTW: I am happy we were married in the church because we do plan to raise our kids catholic and have that be a part of their lives. So, I am not regretful at all, especially since our religion is a big part of us.  However, I understand that you may be coming from a different position, in terms of already having booked your location and not practicing. Ultimately, I don’t think you can go wrong one way or another.  Truthfully, I’m not sure how the "rules" (for lack of a better term" work for non-practicing catholics.

Post # 9
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think you are pretty much out of luck.  I’m not particularly interested in being married Catholic – but my sister tried briefly.  They ended up finding an ex-Catholic priest who married them outside.  That satisfied my not particularly devout family.  That or maybe an Episcopalian priest – I think the services sound similar but are much more flexible. 

The catholic church seems to realize they have the monopoly on this gig.  So – you pretty much have to go along with the agenda to be married Catholic.  I’ve been to Catholic weddings that had an hour and a half gap from the mass to the reception because of time restrictions from the church.  You just need to figure out whether the location or the religion is more important to you. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My sister had a similar problem; she wanted to be married in the Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, which used to be a consecrated chapel, but is no longer now that it is owned by the State of New Mexico rather than the Catholic church.  She went ahead and had a nondenominational service in the Loretto, and then had a Catholic service a month later (a private service, just for family, after mass).  That might be a good alternative for you. 

Post # 13
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My fiance and I are in the exact same situation!  We were both raised catholic and want to raise our children catholic, but haven’t been to church for a while.  We are getting married at an outdoor venue as well.  We are being married by a catholic ordained chaplin.  He actually works for the Oakland County Sheriff in MI.  He is able to conduct catholic weddings, etc.  He is doing our pre marital couseling and the service.  It works out great for us, it pleases are parents and we can have our outside wedding too!  GOOD LUCK!  -Rebecca

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2008
Post # 16
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents got married in someones backyard, and then on their 5 year anniversary got married again in the church so that it was a marriage in the eyes of the catholic church. I don’t think Either was very big. My mom only wears the ring from the 5 year one, too.

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