Post # 1
Hello Brides – here is our situation. My FH and I live in NYC. I was baptised but I am not really a practicing Catholic. We don’t go to a parish in NYC. My FH’s uncle is a priest in Florida, and he’s performing our ceremony in Massachusetts. Should he be doing all of our paperwork? Currently a priest from my FH’s families parish on Long Island is doing it, but he doesn’t know us, he’s sort of mean and cranky, and I generally don’t like him.
We have three parishes/priests involved in all of this and we really need some help. The priest on LI is also insisting that I be confirmed, even though my FH’s uncle who is marrying us said it is uneccessary.
Has anyone else dealt with too many priests in the pot?! We don’t know if we can just ask my FH’s uncle in Florida to do the paperwork. We’vealso already done pre-cana and have our certificate. Thanks!
Post # 3
I have a similar issue, except without the cranky priests.
My fiance is Catholic and was baptised in Wisconsin. My parish priest is away in Spain and will be past the date of our wedding. The priest that I chose to officiate is located in NJ, but our wedding is on Long Island. I made sure that the officiant for the ceremony was in communication with the parish we would be getting married. I spoke with the head pastor at the church where we are marrying and let him in on what was going on. All in all I have communication with 3 different priests for one ceremony. 🙂
It’s complicated but communication is key. Why not try having your FH’s uncle reach out to the local parish where the paperwork is being done? He may be able to smooth things over. Also, if you haven’t already please make a donation in both yours and your FH’s name to the parish. It doesn’t have to be a large one but money always helps. After your officiant speaks to the local parish I would then do the interrogation in person, if possible. That will give you an opportunity to meet with and speak to the priest in question it should calm all fears.
Hope this helps.
Post # 4
This does really help, thank you. I think we’re going to try and talk to the priest that is marrying us, and try and avoid the other cranky guy. The only thing is, he has our paperwork! We need to steal it back! 🙂
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 5
Eek that is a complicated situation!
As far as I can see, neither uncle Priest nor LI-Priest are actually affiliated with the parish in MA, so it seems arbitrary whether one vs. the other does your paperwork. Frankly I don’t understand how LI-Priest got involved in the first place! 🙂 Does your fiance go to church there? Is the LI parish his "home parish" or just that of his parents?
I see no reason why your fiance’s uncle should not fill out the paperwork. In fact, there’s an excellent arguent for him to do so, since he is the one performing your ceremony. I would get your FI’s LI-Priest out of the picture by explaining to him that since the uncle-Priest will be performing the ceremony he will take care of the paperwork.
I also got married in a similar situation: I live in DC, got married in one GA parish by a priest from another parish in GA. We only had the one priest involved though, the one who did our ceremony, and he was in charge of all our paperwork.
Oh and if you were curious about the confirmation before marriage part, technically both priests are right. It’s not strictly speaking necessary; however, it is recommended, since confirmation is sort of the declaration you make that you are an adult in the church and marriage is something done by adults.
Post # 6
FI and I are sort of in a mess also.
We are getting married in the church I grew up in WV and my parents are still active members of. FI’s Uncle who is a priest in Europe will be marrying us. When we spoke to the parish priest at my parents church he recommended that FI’s parish priest do the counseling and we do Engaged Encounter in his diocese since that’s where we will live after we are married. (Northern VA) I am a parish member in a differnet diocese.( washington) I was told that we needed nothing from my parish priest. Fi’s parrish priest is counseling us and filling out the form. I don’t think he’s too happy, but he’s overworked. One priest and no deacons in a huge parrish with school. We are making a donation to help out. Paperwork also has to transfer between diocese’s. I worry about a screw up.
Uncle can’t do the counseling due to distance and the fact that I don’t want to talk about sex etc. with his Uncle. I need a neutral party.
Post # 7
I have the same situation. I’m getting married out of state, and can’t afford to fly to the wedding destination to fill out paperwork and meet repeatedly with the priest who’s marrying us. I think priests get cranky because they have so much work to do and fewer priests every year to do it. You definitely don’t have to get confirmed – I’m marrying someone who isn’t even baptized.