(Closed) Catholic Church Dillema!!

posted 10 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Unfortunately it’s all a part of the annulment process.  If you look in the Catholic section of these boards under the "Hello Catholic Brides", a few other bees have written about this and how frustrating it is.  I personally don’t have any experience with this, but it does sounds frustrating.  Hopefully it will all work out, but I’m pretty sure that if you want to get married in a Catholic church, you will have to go through this process.

Post # 4
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The Catholic faith is steeped with tradition and rules….and remember divorce is still looked down upon by the Catholic church, so of course they are going to make you jump through hoops. An annulment is all part of the process if you want a Catholic wedding.

If you want a full mass you have to attend a Pre Cana workshop and individual couples counseling.  My fiance and I have never been married and are going through the above mention counseling.  Even with that, my cousin who is a Catholic priest has told my fiance and I that he will not perform a full ceremony becase we live together.  Its not part of canon law, but the diocese’s preference….

Don’t waste time trying to buck the system-its not going to change.  Just accept it and get the info they need or reevaluate how badly you want to be married in a church. 

Post # 5
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My fiance and I are having similar problems with the church.  Since he was married before in the civil court, we actually didn’t think the Catholic church recognized the first marriage and so getting married in the church wouldn’t be a problem.  However, during our meeting with the priest, he brought out these annulment papers.  My heart just dropped.  I know that my fiance would get an annulment if i asked him too, but the truth is, i don’t beleive he should have too.  To me an annulment means that the two people should never have been married in the first place, that someone made a mistake.  In my fiance’s case, no one made a mistake, they fell in love, got married, life through them some super hard times and the two of them grew apart.  They were married for 3 years.  I see no reason to ask him to say "oops, it didn’t mean anything, shouldn’t have done it in the first place".  And I agree with Lupe77, why should his ex be informed?  Like the wound needs salt?

 I’m not meaning to bag on the church, my fiance and i have been Catholic our whole lives and will continue to be, but it’s just an annoying position they have on life.  So we will probably now have a beach wedding, we live in hawaii so it’s a pretty darn good 2nd choice.

Post # 6
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

WOW looks like we have a very similar situation! I was just about to post a message about how frustrated I am.

So here’s my story…Before me my fiancee (who’s buddhist) was married in a catholic ceremony to his now ex wife. I am Catholic and had a feeling that it would be difficult finding a priest to marry us due to my fiance being buddhist…well that wasn’t the case. What has been difficult is that since he was previously married in a catholic church (doesnt mean he has to be catholic) he will need to get his previous marriage annuled(sp?) by the catholic church. In order to do that his exwife has to be petitioned..WELL his exwife cheated on him with his best friend at the time as was super uncooperative during their divorce process. We contacted her via email  and she REFUSES to help us our or let us know where she is living!!!!! No idea what we are supposed to do now! I just think it is unfair, it seems like I am almost having to get permission from his ex wife to marry him. I guess I dont understand what the Catholic church would do if the ex spouse is not willing to help…

Any suggestions or advice?

Thanks!

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Just give them the last known address.  If the ex does not respond it is not supposed to hold up the process. 

Post # 8
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

ummmmmmm… I realize that typing does not necessarily convey tone or meaning, but that kinda sounded like you aren’t Catholic.  IF thats true, you also need to talk about the ceremony and the things you wil or wont be allowed to participate in.

 

IF  (big if) you cannot or choose not to deal with the Catholic church for your marriage, for whatever reason. (Please no one pounce here – its JUST a SUGGESTION)  Episcopalian service is very similar to Catholic. Often joked to be  Catholic-light  = All the Service, None of the Guilt!  They are quite similar in service – Notsomuch in teaching – but in service. Again – JUST A SUGGESTION!!!

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

ericamn

 His needing an annulment also has nothing to do with him being married previously in a catholic church.  Even if it was just a civil marriage, he would still need an annulment.

Post # 10
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Candi1024,

I could be wrong, but I believe a divorce is sufficient for a civil ceremony.  An annulment is just for religious situations where a divorce isn’t recognised. 

Post # 11
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

caitlanc:

 Nope, an annulment is needed weather the wedding is performed inside or outside of a church.  An annulment is not just a religious "divorce" it actually call the marriage invalid.  

 This I can garuantee.

Here is some info I found online:

Practitioners are sometimes asked where clients might go to seek a Roman Catholic Church annulment of the marriage that they have civilly dissolved by state-granted divorce. Such an annulment is necessary to make available a second marriage which would be valid in the Catholic church (being then a first marriage under Canon law). The tribunal of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Richmond has published the 1992 edition of its highly informative pamphlet "Understanding Annulments and the Annulment Process in the Catholic Church." It is available from both offices of the Diocese, the Richmond office at 811 Cathedral Place, Richmond, Virginia 23220, telephone 804-359-5661 and the Tidewater office at 155 West Government Avenue, Norfolk, Virginia 23503, telephone 757-588-2941.

Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

 

OMG !!! i didnt know anything about Anulment process…….. i’ve been married before , just a civil ceremony and my fiance and i want to get marry in a catholic ceremony,he is going to flip out when i tell him. im so mad b/c civil ceremony dont have anything to do with the religious  one….oh well i guess i have to start working on that if i want to keep our idea of a catholic ceremony ……this is going to be a headache

Thank you all for the info

Post # 13
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Divorce isn’t just looked down upon by the catholic church, I would hope that many of us don’t think it’s ever the way to go! I’m not catholic, however my fiance is. Luckily, we found a great priest who was willing to work with us and our situation.  He actually discouraged that we have a full ceremony because I would not be able to partake in communion like he would – therefore showing a split in unity, right at the ceremony!  I’m sorry everyone seems to be having these troubles with the church – I sure have learned a LOT about the catholic religion over the past few months and I have no qualms, but it’s certainly not for me 🙂

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Hey Ladies,

For those of you who will need to get an annulment from the Catholic Church here is a link to some good info about the process and what it takes to get one, how much it costs (about 500 give or take), and how long (16 months).

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/alternativestodivorce/ht/annulment.htm

Hope this helps and good luck to all of you!

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2009

My fiancee just finished the annullment process this month. It took almost a year to get done–this was with the cooperation of his ex wife (she’s gay which was pretty much the reason they gave him the annullment).  It was very time consumming and every time you think its over, there is another step. So, if you are going this route expect to wait a year. It also can cost you. My F only paid $500 for the process. I know other diocese charge more. It can also take longer depending on where you live. If you live in a NYC diocese you are going to wait awhile.

Luckily our parish priest was in charge of annullments in our diocese and allowed us to "pencil in" a date once the court approved the annullment (once approved it goes through an "appeal court" which can deny the annullment).

 The Episcopalian route mentioned in a previous post was also our back up plan. I think this would have been a good alternative for anyone who wants a catholicish wedding!

Post # 16
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Ok while we’re on the subject My fiance is catholic I however am not, We respect each others differing religions and want to have 2 ceremonies, His friend at work told him the you can have a double ceremony, with the two (caothlic and nondenominational ) in one service… I highly doubt this knowing how strict the Catholic church is? Does anyone know for sure?

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