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This post is stemming from my reading the "Is the cost worth it to go catholic" thread.

I'm going to spare you the story of my upbringing.  I'll just say that my family is "really catholic."  Since I graduated college, I have felt myself slowly drift away from the church.  I think this is because I have alot of beliefs that go against the church's teaching.  For instance, I have gay friends whom I support.  i have premarital sex.  I take birth control.  I am prochoice.  

Last night I starting reading more into catholicism and what it means to be a catholic, what the rules are, what is a sin, what is a mortal sin, etc.  I have come to the conclusion that I may not be "catholic" because of my beliefs and therefore, I won't be going to heaven (as per my readings on catholicism.)

But, I feel that in this day in age, alot of girls are like me and share similar views.  Does this mean that we can not be catholic?  Should I join another religion?  Should I quit all religions and just worship the God I believe in?

Ok, those aren't necessarily questions I need you to answer.  I'm just trying to put this out there and see how other people feel about their catholic faith.

I remember reading a religious booklet about Mary when I was younger.  I think it said something like, "as long as you pray the rosary you'll go to heaven."  Then I remember reading/hearing that as long as you believe that Jesus is Lord you will have salvation.  Then last night I started reading stuff on the internet and it seemed like everything I do is a sin.  

I know that we all sin, and to sin is human.  But to outright disbelieve some of the churches teachings...  and to keep doing things that are "wrong."  I mean, what's the point of going to confession if you know you're going to repeat the same "sin" over and over again?  I can confess that I'm living with my fiance before marriage, but I'm not going to make him move out.

I have this theory that Earth is really Purgatory and we keep getting recycled back here after we die until we're deemed good enough to make it into heaven.  :)

@lefeymw:  If you believe the beliefs of another religion and according to them you are going to heaven, does it matter what the catholic religion says since you don't have the same beliefs?

That's a good question.  According to my readings, Catholics in good standing will be the only ones to enter heaven.  It's hard to imagine that Catholics are the only people in heaven.  Imagine these poor people who have been raised Methodist by their parents, they don't know any better, but they're not going to heaven because they're not "Catholic."

So let's imagine that Methodist/Jews/Protestants do actually go to heaven.  What does that do to the Catholic credibility?  Maybe Catholics could be wrong about alot of things...  I guess we won't know until we die.  

See, this is the conversation I keep having with myself.  That's why your opinions and insights are important to me.

I can't answer whether you should still be Catholic or not, because I think that's such a personal decision that only you can make it. I just want to address the "I won't be going to heaven" part. You don't know if you'll be going to heaven or not- and neither does anyone else. Nobody here is able to judge the state of your soul, so please don't let anyone discourage you by saying that!

The church does not say "All non-Catholics will go to Hell." That in't a given, and you won't find it in the catechism. Nobody knows what is in the inner-workings of your heart and soul. I'm not encouraging you to leave or to not leave, but if you do, nobody else can judge whether you left with full knowledge of what the Catholic church is and is not, or whether you had misinformation or misunderstandings or whatever-- and nobody can tell you that you won't go to Heaven. I just think that's such a depressing thought- and it's nobody's right to judge the state of your soul!

As far as not agreeing with the Church, that's something you should examine thoroughly. I suggest you find good documents on what the church actually says on any issues you have with it (try for many opinions and sources- but especially sources from within the Church or from good church-affiliated organizations), and why it says whatever it says on them, so you can make your best, most informed, decision. Also, I don't think the church has any rules that you must agree with everything it says to pray and attend Mass- so you can definitely still attend if that is your choice. And as far as your "really catholic" family, I hope that isn't also synonymous with "really judgmental"- remember that the church is a hospital for sinners (which is what we all are), not a museum for saints. You don't have to be perfect to keep coming, if you do still feel that it is your spiritual home. 

Also, I found a really detailed link about non-Catholics going to Heaven or not here. I didn't read the entire thing, but it looks to have a lot of information. I see above where you said "but everything I do is a sin"- that's kinda the point of the church! It seeks to help and rehabilitate sinners, and as Magdalena said, these are all issues to pray and be open to prayer about. Again, I suggest doing your research on good, orthodox, sites. If you're looking for a Catholic forum (on which to ask any specific questions), I know there's a huge one on Catholic.com (though I can't vouch for whether they're nice or not- since I'm not a member there- don't let it discourage you if they aren't, just find another place for answers- there are jerks in every major group!). We don't know who will go to Heaven and who will go to Hell- we can only try our best and keep praying. 

@Magdalena:  Thank you for your reply and insight.  I went to catholic school for 9 years, but that in no way makes me an expert.  

I like that you said, "The Church specifically teaches the only way to go to Hell is to die with mortal sin on your soul."  Because that is exactly what I'm talking about.  I believe I have a mortal sin because I live with my fiance and I have received Communion without confessing this sin.  And that's just ONE of my sins.  But I'm not going to kick him out of the house.  You see where I'm going with this?

I really don't want to be a lukewarm catholic out of respect for people who are so devoted.

I understand your stance on being pro-life.  And I agree that in God's eyes it is a sin.  I was Prolife until I heard of girls killing themselves when abortion was illegal... whether it be suicide or death from infection of an unsterilized medical tool.  

But I will pick up that book you mentioned.  I am interested in learning more...

@hedgeknits  Thank you for your reply.  My family, thankfully, is not judgemental.  In fact, the most religious, "holy" people in my family are the kindest and in my opinion represent what a Catholic person should be. So I really lucked out there.  I'm not sure how I strayed from the flock.  

I was raised Catholic, but it was more of a heritage thing. Later in my life, I was saved and became a Christian.

I would recommend exploring some other branches of Christianity, maybe even non-denominational, something that falls more in line with your understanding of the bible.

@June Bug: This is just a pet peeve of mine, but if you were Catholic before you didn't become Christian when you converted. You were already Christian, as all Catholics are. Perhaps you became a different kind Christian (e.g. nondenominational, Pentecostal, Baptist, etc.), and probably you became Protestant- but you were already a Christian.

@carmel bride:Also, yes some priests DO refuse to marry a couple if they are co-habitating.  One priest yelled at my brother and sister-in-law for a half hour, and told them they would have to live apart for at least 6 months before he would consider marrying them.

I don't doubt your story, but it's a violation of the USCCB declaration on marriage to refuse to marry a couple on the grounds of cohabitation. 

Regarding not believing in all Catholic teachings, that's actually pretty common.  The issue is how you act on those beliefs.  If you simply think abortion should be legal, that's one thing.  But obtaining an abortion or helping someone else obtain an abortion is an entirely different situation. 

You'll also find differing opinions on things like birth control.  While the Church believes that the use of condoms is prohibited, it's not really the worst thing in the world and I wouldn't turn my back on Catholicism for just that.

One thing that's helpful (for you as a person) is to try to understand why the Church teaches specific beliefs with which you disagree.  Despite what some people think, that Catholic Church usually has very good reasons for the things it does (many intelligent people are involved before a rule goes into effect).  If you understand the Church's reasoning, someone you'll find that you actually agree with it, and sometimes you'll find that you still disagree but that you respect the Church's position.  Either way, it's a good exercise to evaluate your personal beliefs.  

And keep in mind that your beliefs tend to change over time as you grow as a person.  Not believing in something today doesn't mean that you'll never believe in it.

Thank you, everyone, for your comments.  I find myself with agreeing with all of you. 

It's tough living in this day in age and trying to follow the Catholic rules.  I mean, maybe I was reading a "way strict" Catholic internet site, but they spoke about all different types of sin.  Most sins I am aware of but some I was surprised with...  like Gluttony  (so if you're eating too much you're sinning?), smoking (in my opinion a bad idea, but regardless, it's a sin because it damages your health.)  I can go on and on about this, but you get the idea. 

As a side note, my Fiance is also a proclaimed athiest.  He was raised catholic, but he never had a strong Catholic role model.  He is unsure if he believes in a God at this point, but he definately doesn't follow a religion.  He feels that organized religions are the cause of wars and anamosity.  I can see his point.

I think I need to read alot more into it, do some soul searching and figure it out. 

I'll say this.  I've always enjoyed being a Catholic.  I like the rituals, I like the seriousness of the Mass, I believe in praying.  I just wonder if humans (ie, those who wrote the Bible, those who make the rules we all follow) have misinterpreded some of God's messages.

@kelly105: Be careful of those extreme sites.  They can be dangerous.

As far as I know, smoking is not a sin.  Gluttony would be extreme overindulgence in something to the extent that it greatly harms others.  Overeating isn't really a sin in this day and age (it doesn't really take food from others).  But something like drug abuse could be seen as gluttony.

Wars are fought in the name of religion, but that's not the cause.  The problem is that in war you need a clearly defined enemy and religion is one way to seperate people into "us" and "them".  If there was no religion, Osama bin Laden would have found another reason to incite terrorism, like nationalism or racism.  It's the power that he wants - he's not obeying religion. You could say "well lets get rid of race, religion, nationality, etc. and there's no war."  The problem with that is that humans seek to form tribes so we would divide based on other factors (gender, age, height, etc)

Meanwhile religion also brings charity, tolerance, and empowerment.

hedgeknits

@hedgeknits & @aubergold: Sorry for the confusion! I definitely know that Catholicism is a branch of Christianity :). What I was trying to communicate was that I wasn't a "true" Catholic in that I didn't really believe in Catholicism-it was just a heritage thing, in that I grew up being baptized, confirmed, etc. but didn't really consider my beliefs until older, when I was saved and became a Christian for the first time.

So, you can't instantly "be saved".  That concept comes from the Calvin teachings of "once saved, always saved" which isn't Biblical and is counterinutive.  If you accept Christ, no matter what you do next, you're automatically going to Heaven?  It makes no sense.  It was invented by Calvin to decrease the influence of the Catholic Church over people's lives so he could influence them. 

What's in the Bible, and what Christians believed for 1500 years before Calvin is the idea that belief in Christ saves you, but you can lose that salvation through misdeeds.  For example, no matter how much you believe in Christ, murdering your neighbor will get  you a 1-way ticket to Hell unless you sincerely repent.

@MightySapphire:  It's actually the first time I remember mentioning it.

Baptism cleanses your soul.  And if you never commit a sin, you'll reach Heaven.  However, if between Baptism and death you sin then you place your soul at risk for losing salvation.  You can regain your salvation only if you repent for your sins.

For example, let's say you're baptized and saved.  Then you go out and shoot someone.  You're no longer saved.  Some time later, you realize what you did and why it was wrong, accept blame, and ask God for forgiveness.  You're saved again.  But if you died before you repented, you'll go to Hell.   

What you can't do is receive Baptism and be saved, then shoot someone, and claim that you're still saved because of the Baptism.  Some might claim "well, if you were really saved in the first place, you wouldn't have shot that person."  However, it denies your free will to say that. 

My family is catholic. I'm not - the church refused to baptize me because they felt my parents weren't committed to raising me in the church. Oddly, they did baptize my brother. In our family it seems to be treated as our heritage, more than a religion.

That said, in my experience I've never met a catholic that believed everything the church did. (My stepmother, who taught catechism classes, didn't believe in hell.) I've also never found a church or religion that stands for everything I believe. I don't join any of them, but I'm always hesitant to join any group (really don't like being 'represented').

But I think you can stay in the church, and believe what you want. I would think after growing up in the church it would be fairly traumatic to leave it behind. Plus, from my experience, I am not as spiritual as I would be if I was involved in a church. You just stop thinking about it as much.

Also, if you go back and read earlier texts of the church you may be surprised. There is a really decent book, Acedia & Me, by Kathleen Norris, that goes into this a little. It, of course, focuses 'acedia,' which has become the sin of sloth. It's very interesting to compare the '7 deadly sins' to their source '8 bad thoughts.'

When you boil thoughts down to actions, you lose some of the complexity. Sin is not black and white. And, from a spiritual standpoint, it would make more sense to focus on your thoughts and intent rather than worrying that actions are bad because the church said so.

Like I said the book is quite interesting and actually made me reconsider whether I wanted to be Catholic.