Post # 1
I got engaged just over a year ago, right before I started graduate school school. However, we decided that it was best for us to wait until I finish school before getting married, so that when we actually do get married, we can start our married life together right away and not be living 4 hours apart from each other while I finish school. As of right now the plan is to get married in October of 2014.
I don’t want to rant, but I need some guidance. My fiance is Berean (http://www.bfcnetwork.org/about-us). We have thoroughly discussed what religion we would be getting married (and what this would mean for our future children), and he had finally agreed to get married in the Catholic Church, as long as we do not do the Eucharistic Rite (he does not like how he and his family would be excluded from our communion, despite my attempts of explaining the reason to him), which I can live with if it makes him happy and our marriage would still be considered valid. It’s not like I’m telling him to convert to please me.
We were considering getting married in a Catholic church kind of in the middle of our two hometowns. However, when I called the parish to see if I could arrange a meeting time with the pastor, I found out that non-parish members essentially rent out the church for the wedding and must provide their own priest as none of them will perform the marriage. This was a bit discouraging to me as that was another reason I was opting to not have the wedding back home in my home parish (our priest tried to close our local church rather than help save it, which the parish community was able to save, but he is still stationed there). When I talked to the priest at the church we were considering he said he would allow one of their priests to do it, if it was okay with my parish preist, and that he would check and get back to me. Well he hasn’t gotten back to me and in the mean time, my fiance feels that they are essentially “refusing” to marry us (among his other discretions against the Church), and that he no longer agrees to getting married in the Catholic Church.
We have discussed this so thoroughly, but we continually agree to disagree. I love him very much, and we both feel that God brought us together, and that He has a plan for us — I don’t feel that separating would be the answer. I guess this whole rant is just to see if you have any suggestions on how we should approach this matter further, or if there is an option that we are missing (I’ve read about dispensation and convalidation, but I just don’t know much about them).
I don’t know how much you know about Bereans, but it is very Bible based Christian faith. Do you think it would be unfair or confusing to our future children if we exposed them to both, like alternate weekends for which church we would attend (going as a family is important to the both of us). He thinks that it would be confusing to the children, but I don’t think it necessarily would be, as they could learn about both faiths (and others) and then when they are old enough, they could make an informed decision. He thinks the best compromise is for us both to convert to different, but agreed upon, Christian faith, this way we are both changing and not just one of us is bending over backwards for the other. Anyways, in summary, I just want to know if you have any guidance to share with me.
Post # 3
This is a really difficult situation. I was engaged to a guy with whom I differed religiously and so many things were a struggle for us. It is so nice that my husband and I now share our religous convictions though we certainly don’t agree about everything and I think that everyone practicies their religion in their own slightly unique way. It’s hard for me to comment because I don’t know much about Catholic beliefs or traditions. There is a Catholic board that seems pretty active, maybe some of those bees could give you better advice. Good luck!
edit: I think there also might be an interfaith board as well, though I’m not sure it’s as active 🙂
Post # 4
I thnk you two need to take a step back. Breathe. Can you talk to his parents or your’s about this all? Maybe make an appointment with your parish priest just to talk. If it’s important to you …. you both should find a common ground.
Post # 5
Also is there someone you can talk to about his faith? I mean other than him, someone you can learn about it?
(((hugs))) it isn’t going to be easy at times but the best things in life aren’t.
Post # 6
@RoyleBee: I am kinda going through the same situation, well at least I will soon be. I am not engaged yet, but i will be soon. I am baptist and my SO is catholic. We have discussed our wedding and how it will be, and so on. I said that I did not want it in a catholic church because it would be unfair for my family to feel uncomfortable and his family do the catholic “aerobics” while my family sits there clueless. It would be unfair for his family to be in my church. So we decided on just a venue not in a church. We will most likely have the marriage blessed in the Catholic church at a later date. However I am looking into a biblical arts museum to include the God factor that is very much apart of our relationship.
I completely understand the predicament. As far as changing your denominations I think is a bit harsh. You are Catholic, and if you changed you would no longer be able to take the body and blood. I really don’t think that is an option to change. It is easy for protestants to change denomination, but not easy for Catholics unless you dont believe its teachings. If you dont then change, if you do then obviously stay a practicing Catholic.
My SO and I have decided to raise our children catholic, however they will know what I believe. We will go to Sunday School at a baptist church, and Mass afterwards.
Post # 7
@RoyleBee: Oh also one of the most important things as a Christian parent is that you teach your children the gospel. As much as I do not agree with the Catholic church, I know that my children with still learn what christ has done for us and in the end that is all that matters. Not the details.
Post # 8
My FI is catholic and I was raised Christian orthodox .. When we went to the church they seemed very reserved about marrying us. Once the found out I was baptized it was much better, apparently they wouldn’t do it if I wasnt baptized.
Post # 9
You don’t have to convert to marry in the Catholic faith. When my parents got married, my mom wasn’t Catholic but my parents still had a Catholic ceremony. However she did have to promise in writing that she would allow her children to be baptized and brought up Catholic. Something to think about if you are considering a Catholic marriage.