(Closed) Catholic Parish???

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m nowhere near there, but I would look online and see if the diocese has a website listing the parishes, and work my way through them, explaining the situation.  Here, I had trouble finding a church that would consider you a member in less than 2 years!  They would marry you outside of membership, but for a (sizeable) fee.  Also, FYI: In our diocese, you have to do an Engaged Encounter weekend to get married, be prepared. Good luck!

(http://www.diospringfield.org/index.html)  ?

Post # 4
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Can you or FI ask the priest at FI’s home parish for a reccomendation? He may know of a priest, or have connections at a parish nearby that can help you. 

FI and I are getting married outside of our home parishes, and we simply had to get copies of our baptism records and a letter from my home parish and we are good to go. 

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@erincasey4:  I am nowhere near your area but we’re getting married outside our home parish. You must obtain Cononical Permission from your home parish to marry in the chuch of your choice and then register there. We had to obtain one ourselves. It looks like this.

 

Post # 6
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@erincasey4:  So, you’re expecting that some random church that you’ve never even set foot into is going to go out of their way and allow you to tie up their priest’s time (priest have a lot of things to do besides just going through marriage prep with and marrying demanding brides,) add extra work for the secretary, make them turn on the heat/ac for the rehearsal and wedding, and allow you to reserve the church for a time when an actual parishioner might later want it, when they know that they will never see you again and you will never give them a dollar of tithe, JUST so that you can have your perfect wedding in a perfectly convenient location? Good luck with that…

Why should they go out of their way for you when you never have, and most likely never will show any sort of commitment to them?

Post # 7
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree with Merelymere . Check out the local diocese and start calling all the churches.  Some churches have HUGE parishes, so naturally they can only take thier own.  I had trouble finding a church, when we came upon one that is a smaller parish, that takes non-parishoners.  They will charge you a larger fee however, and you will need to make it out there a few times to meet with the Deacon, and take any classes they require of you.  It’s not completely hopeless.  Also praying helps too. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It really varies from pastor to pastor.  My cousin had some issues in San Diego area finding a church to get married in since they did not belong to any parish, but are both technically Catholic and have catholic families.  Eventually they found one!  My fiance is in the military so we live in Virginia and I grew up in So Cal.  My whole family still lives there and attends church at the church I grew up in.  Had we gotten married at the church we attend here, that would mean both of our families traveling long distances and it would have meant my grandma would not be able to attend since she couldn’t make the trip.  The pastor in CA was able to bend the rules slightly and allow us to get married at that church.  I have found that the East Coast churches are MUCH more strict with all the “rules” so it may be hard for you to find a pastor that will allow it, but as I said, it’s really up to the individual pastor.  We had to do our pre-cana here on the east coast (since we weren’t about to pay for airfare to do the engaged encounter in CA!) and we mentioned that to a priest here in VA and he told us that it would make our marriage “invalid”…the priest in CA was obviously fine with it since he is the one that TOLD us to do it!  Like I said, just depends on the priest.

As far as “never tithing at that parish again,” we are still giving a pretty sizable donation to the church, so it’s not like they are getting nothing out of it.  It kills me that the Catholic Church wonders why they are losing members (especially our generation), but make it SO difficult for us to be Catholic…but that’s a whole nother topic.

The other option is to have your big wedding wherever you want (non-catholic) and then having a convalidation ceremony after.  Or, you can have a small church ceremony with just his family prior to the big wedding.  That was a last resort option for my cousin, to have a small ceremony in the church the night before the main event.  

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@bellacarina:  we are still giving a pretty sizable donation to the church, so it’s not like they are getting nothing out of it.

But the Church (and priests, people who work in the parishes, etc,) don’t want to be viewed as and treated as just another vendor (nor should it!), where you give it some money and they never see you again. If you’re not committed to the Church long-term, then your reasons for getting married in it are probably not good reasons (Pressure from parents, or just knowing you “should” but not really why and not planning on continuing in the Church – those are not good reasons.)

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@bellacarina:  

As far as “never tithing at that parish again,” we are still giving a pretty sizable donation to the church, so it’s not like they are getting nothing out of it.  It kills me that the Catholic Church wonders why they are losing members (especially our generation), but make it SO difficult for us to be Catholic…but that’s a whole nother topic.

As PP said, the Church does not want to be treated as another vendor. Getting married in the Church ideally means that you will remain a faithful parishoner there and the parish will benefit from your presence as you benefit from being a member.

And I don’t want to get off topic and i’m not sure that generation you are speaking about but there is a very large increase in traditional Catholicism in youth in America at the moment. Plus not everything worth having is easy!

The other option is to have your big wedding wherever you want (non-catholic) and then having a convalidation ceremony after.  Or, you can have a small church ceremony with just his family prior to the big wedding.  That was a last resort option for my cousin, to have a small ceremony in the church the night before the main event. 


Just a note- this is not what convalidation was made for and many churches will not convalidate your marriage simply because it wasnt convienient for you to get married in the Church.

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