I was raised Catholic, but dont really practice it because we go to chuch maybe two times a year, and FI was raised Christian, he would always go to church he stopped going at the age of 18 when he got a job and it became hard, after that he just didnt want to go, so you could say he doesnt practice it anymore either but he is a strong believer in his faith, unlike me who I say I'm just Catholic because thats what my whole family is.
FI does not want to get married through Catholic church, and I dont care to either because I have no set priest that I grew up with. My parents were furious about this at first, saying he wasnt good for me, and that they wouldnt go to my wedding if I didnt get married this way. After a while of arguing we set to get married civil, but with FI pastor marrying us because him we know personally and it would mean so much to FI. I am completely ok with this, but I'm not too sure if him marrying us would be considered me getting married through the Christian church (which I dont mind doing either, after all we plan to raise our kids Christian).
Well today after talking to his family, his mom started telling me how we needed to start going to church on Sundays (something my parents are not ok with me doing) and that it be dumb for the pastor to marry us just civil and what not, saying that if God is not in our relationship it wont last. We picked to do the ceremony at the venue, and my parents were finally ok with his pastor marrying us because it would be civil, but now I'm not soo sure if that will be the case and if my parents would end up going after all. My parents are the ones that want me to include lazo and arras, but if its civil I dont think it would actually count. FI plans to talk to his pastor and ask him if he can do it civil but including these things, but what my parents wanted was for my to get the blessing, and one of my aunts told them that it didnt matter where it was coming from as long as I received it, that is how they agreed on the pastor deal. I know that if I tell them that I will be getting married through his church it will start a whole big deal again.
So help me out here bees, what would you do in my situation? I like FI pastor, I want someone we know to marry us so I have no problem with him, its mostly my parents making a big deal about everything (they are going to have such a fit when they find out about how we want to raise our kids). Help!
When I first read the title of your post, I thought "That's me - raised catholic, but not anymore". My mom is Catholic, and I had to go all the way through confirmation. Just in the past few years did I really start to believe, and I became a Lutheran. FI is now a Lutheran as well.
I like the compromose of having the Lasso and Aras, but to have the ceremony civil in nature. I think this is one of those areas where parents can get stuck in "that's not how it's always been done - what will people think of us???".
I think you guys need to really sit down and hammer out where YOU come down on religion. Are you thinking of having kids in the future? Have you discussed how they will be raised? If you can't even get a consensus on how to be married (what religion, where, civil vs. religious), these other issues will most definitely pop up down the road and cause more trouble.
FWIW, I'm Catholic and FI is Jewish. We are both set in our faiths and neither of us will convert (completely fine), so we are doing a civil ceremony incorporating both faiths.
um, Catholicism is a branch of Christianity, what branch of Christianity is your FI?
My FI went to a Catholic primary school, was baptised in a Catholic church, but is atheist. I am Anglican, but we do make it work :)
it is your wedding, you can do what you want, but maybe include elements of both if possible :)
@Jacqui90: This is what I was going to say. A Catholic is a Christian.
I was baptized Catholic but I don't practise. My FI is Pentacostal (also a Christian) and used to go to Church a lot. He's not religious but he has a lot of faith so we've been going to church almost every week. I actually really enjoy it :)
Honestly, my first thought is: this is none of either of your parents' business!! Sheesh. This is for you and your FI to work out together. If you both like the arrangement, and his pastor agrees to it, you don't need to get permission from anyone else.
Not having a Catholic wedding officiated by a priest, means you're not married in the eyes of the Catholic church (unless you have it validated by them afterwards - I can't remember the term for that).
However, as a Catholic, you are already a Christian, so any religious details that sneak into the ceremony shouldn't be offensive to either family - you both believe in the same God (including Jesus). I think in the end, the ceremony will go smoothly regardless and your family will get over it in the end. Do what works for you and your FI.
I am confused.
Christ...as in Jesus...is what makes all Christians..well...Christians! lol
I am Catholic because my mother was and it is tradition to be christened / baptized in the religion of the mother, but most of my family (as I'm more familiar with my father's side ) are Anglican. There really isn't very much of a difference....at all. My FI is Anglican, and we are getting married in the Anglican church. And I will be considered married in all christian churches after that.
If your family is devout Catholic, then you need to sit with them and explain that this is the choice you are making for your children. As long as they are going to be following some form of Christianity, and raised with good morals, why should it matter????? We don't have any branches of the church you FI is in, so I'm guessing there must be a lot of differences?
My fiance was raised catholic and I was raised christian. I understand wanting to make your parents happy and respecting their wishes but honestly, who cares? It's your wedding and what you and your fiance believe is what's important. We are having a christian wedding, fiance is no longer catholic and goes to christian church with me. His family is not thrilled about it, they are VERRYYYY stong catholics but it's not up to them.
You need to do whatever is right in your heart. God doesnt care either way, both a catholic and a christian marriage are blessed by Him. If you plan to raise your children christian and you are no longer a practicing catholic, then your family will have to understand that's the way it is.
@nyscpa2be: Yes, thats my parents biggest deal, but I told her my grandparents, many aunts and uncles and friends of hers as well got married civil, so not doing the church is not a big deal. I wouldnt see it right if I never go, to be getting married through the Catholic church.
@Jacqui90: that is what I have tried telling my parents, but they do not understand that. & honestly I do not know which branch of Christianity FI is so I cant answer that, but I guess my parents big deal is that I'm not marrying someone who believes in the Virgin Mary and what not.
@Lyndzo: I was baptized Catholic as well, but like you dont practice it. FI is a strong believer of his faith, and if I ask him a question about the bible he usually answers them, unlike me sorry to say.
@mightywombat: Thank you! Exactly the way FI & I think! He told me last night to ignore his family, just like he ignores mine and that he will have a talk with his Pastor and see if he agrees to marry us the way we want too. Otherwise it will be to go to court.
@LadyBear: I completely agree! I hope everything goes smoothly, and well if anything happens that gets parents mad, too bad, they are already at the wedding anyway!
@MrsRoyal: Thats the thing, I would consider a devoted Catholic someone who goes to church every Sunday, my parents dont do that. They do pray to the Virgen Mary and St. Jude and well go to church for lent and during Christmas do the whole baby jesus, which I guess does consider them to practice their religion, but going to church maybe twice a year?! FI has fought with them about this, told them that whatever we did it was our choice, which is what made parents back off a little.
@Birdee106: I am sure that if not pretty soon, then after we are married I will start going to the Christian church. My anger is that my mom has had the audacity to take me to one of her friends Christian church, but I cant step foot in FI church! I know my parents will have to understand, because I will not raise my kids to their liking.
i think it's really up to you two. what's the point of going through certain ceremonies if you don't believe in them. they'll just be meaningless formalities.
btw, i'm a practicing catholic. fi was a christian but he and i went to a catholic school in elementary and eventually he started going to church with me every sunday. a few years ago, he converted into catholicism (which really isn't a huge difference). so now we're marrying in a traditional catholic ceremony. his family respects that. :)
I was baptized Anglican but consider myself to be athiest. My FI was raised devote catholic but hasnt practiced in years aside from xmas mass. The first thing out of my FFIL's mouth when we told him was "You have to get married in the church" to which we told him we are not getting married in a church, and if he had a problem with that, he ddnt have to attend, his choice. He's never mentioned it since. This is your life, your marriage, you need to do what is right for you. Your parents had the choice in how they got married and raised their families, now it is your turn to make your own choices. Be firm and they should back off the control issues.
Athiest here. I was born into a Catholic family (Italian girl) but my father wanted to get as far from his family as possible. So my parents raised me Baptist. That being said, if ANYBODY on either side of my family or FI's (we totally agree on this) told me I had to get married in a church, or under any kind of religion, I would say no. If they threatened not to come? They don't have to. Respect EVERYBODY'S belief, even if it's non-belief
Catholics are Christian. The whole internal war between Catholic and non-Catholic Christian titles has always been baffling and seemd kind of petty from the outside - there was a lot of that where I grew up in Texas.
This is your wedding. Do what fits you and the new family you are forming first. Weddings are really about creating boundaries that protect you and your FI as a new family unit. Looks like this is Battle #1. Stand your ground.
Just saw that you are in Texas.
Yep. It makes sense now.
(to give you an idea - when my public high school wanted to hold our graduation baccalaureate at a beautiful new Catholic church in town, the non-Catholic Christians picketed. It was that aggressive)
@alyssa247: Yeah I dont think that would be correct either. He believes in his though. Its good that family was ok with it, I hope my parents get off my back and just be ok with it too.
@Rrabbetsgirl: I did that with my parents, but my dad was really stuck on not going until I had to beg him and he agreed (which now I think I should have never done) but I agree, I honestly dont know why its such a problem my parents first got married civil because my dad had already been married through church before, I've told them this but all they come up with is that I'm noone to judge. Go figure I would get that answer.
@1313Mockingbird: Completely agree. Some people dont respect that, and its sad. I've told my family that it would hurt me if they didnt go just because of our decisions but that if they dont want to then thats fine, and so far they have all said that they will be there no matter what.
@crayfish: Try explaining that to my family, so many have and they dont agree. Eitherway we got past our first fight already with us standing our ground and saying we were going to do things our way, and they seem to be going better. & that is pretty bad on complaining about where to hold the graduation. I guess its a Texas thing then lol.
@lioness_89: I think it will all work out. I mean. Lots of people meet resistance with the older generation when they want to do something new, be it about religion, discipline, traditional marriage roles, career etc etc . Above all, your families love your guys, and they will adjust :)
@MrsRoyal: Thank you! I really hope it stops being a problem, just the other day I brought it up again that FI pastor was marrying us and my dad got mad but I told him that I wasnt asking him, I was telling him and he stayed quiet. My mom then told me she would talk to him later, although she isnt thrilled at all, but she is starting to notice that there isnt much she can do about it now.
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