Post # 1
So this might seem a little presumptuous as SO and I are not engaged yet but I think it is important for me to decide how I feel before we make any decisions and our engagement is imminent.
So I am Catholic and SO is Anglican. Now SO has some problems with religion in general and honestly really won’t mind where we get married as long as it is in a church of some kind. His family will also accept this although they would probably prefer an Anglican wedding but won’t complain – they will just be grateful that it is a church as SO’s other siblings had outdoor weddings. MY parents on the other hand are practicing Catholics and would 100% prefer me to get married in a Catholic church but if I made the decision not to would get over it. My grandparents however are another story – me getting married outside of the church may possibly give them a heart attack!
Now in all honesty at the moment what I am concerned about is how I feel. When I go to services outside of the Catholic church I don’t feel quite right but…I have over the years developed issues with the Catholicism and really don;t know how I feel anymore. Also, the Anglican church in our area is the most stunning church I have ever seen in my life and getting married there would be lovely. Also… from what I have read getting married in a Catholic church is going to be a lot of hard work because we are from different religions and will need certain permissions e.t.c
So my question is really what do I do?
1) Go through the process and marry in a Catholic Church even though it’s not my church and feel no real attachment to it
2) Get married in the anglican church that I love
3) Is it possible to get married in the Anglican church but have a Catholic priest give us a blessing during the ceremony even though this will not be officially recognized as a marriage by the Catholic church?
Any comments on this would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
Getting married in a Catholic church does require a few more forms to fill out, but for the most part it’s easy and the preparation is really helpful! So it shouldn’t be too many hoops.
Post # 4
You said you’re Catholic? But then you said the Catholic church isn’t really your church?
(I think I kind of know what you mean…but that still doesn’t quite make sense.)
You didn’t explicitly ask this, but I hope that you are aware that if you ARE Catholic, and you marry outside the Catholic church (only in very, very, very rare circumstances can people get exceptions for this,) then the Catholic church will not consider your marriage valid. (which is why your parents and grandparents would have a problem with that.) I’m pretty sure that a Catholic priest is not allowed to give a “blessing” to such a marriage, in another church, but perhaps you could find a priest who would.
However, the other angle is that you should not do something so serious if you don’t really believe in it, just to please your parents/grandparents. I think that would make a mockery of the Catholic sacrament.
Post # 5
@red_rose: Sorry after such a long post I kind of lost my train of thought and was a bit unclear. I am Catholic but the reason I say that it would not be my church is that my SO would really like to get married in the town we now live in together. I do not have a church that I regularly attend in this town. The church where I grew up in and would consider “my church” is in my parent’s home town so…to get married in a catholic church where we live now it would be a bit tokenistic I feel rather than truly meaningful.
I am also aware of the validity side of things in regards to the church however, whilst this is certainly what my parents/grandparents believe, I am having trouble with this idea myself and as you suggest I don’t want to make a mockery of the sacrament if this is not what I believe.
@jedeve: Thanks for the feedback – as I have not been able to look into it in detail due to the fact that we aren’t engaged yet I wasn’t sure about how hard it would be.
Post # 6
One thing I would say is, please don’t pick the Anglican church because it’s pretty – churches of all denominations are very offended and annoyed by brides who do that. It’s important that you pick the house of worship for more better reasons (family tradition, family history, you agree with more of the teachings etc)
Post # 7
Hi Bee’s – Thanks so much for your responses – looking back at my original post I feel like I wasn’t in a very good place about the whole situation and I can’t (and didn’t) really put all of my thoughts and feelings about the whole situation down very well. I was very confused and I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to articulate all the details exactly and feel like I have done the topic justice.
At this point I think the fact of the matter is as much as I don’t want to upset my family and their beliefs I think that over the years mine have changed and aligned much more closely with Anglican beliefs and that the fact of the matter is that I think for SO and I an Anglican wedding and committment is what is right for us. It will upset my family and obviously I don’t want to do that but hopefully they will understand when the time comes.
Post # 8
@red_rose: i do love your posts! out of interst, what are the exceptions where a baptised catholic can have a valid marriage outside the church?
@Novella: my understanding is, that if you are catholic and marry outside the church ie in a non catholic ceremony, the catholic church woudl not recognise it as valid. you then would be considered as living in sin after the wedding since you are not seen as validly married in the catholic church (even though you ARE legally married, and c of e married), and you would then not be able to recive communion in the catholic church.
BUT!!! i have heard there is something called ‘convalidation’ where a marriage outside the church can be blessed by the catholic church and made valid. i am not sure how it works if there is a prior interfaith marriage, but if anyone knows or you ask your priest this may be helpful
also if you marry in the catholic church, i think you have to agree to a)avoid contraception and be open to babies, and b) raise your kids catholic. something to consider too for the future
Post # 9
@Novella: Was your significant other baptized in the Church of England? As long as he was baptized, his being Church of England should not be an impediment to getting married in the Catholic Church from what I understand.
Post # 10
@singasong:i thought ANYONE can get married to a catholic in catholic church if they obtain a dispensation from the bishop, and agree that the children will be raised catholic.
Post # 11
You need a dispensation for disparity of cult if the person is non-Christian (and from what I have read, the marriage will not be sacramental). You can still have a sacramental marriage if you are marrying a non-Catholic Christian, but just have to get permission to do so. It is pretty simple to get permission to marry a non-Catholic Christian in my experience.
Post # 12
Right there with you only I am the Anglican and Fiance is the Catholic. We are going through dispensation issues right now (and are working hard at it). However, look to the Lambeth Conference of 1978, Resolution 34 dealing with Interfaith Marriages between Anglicans and Roman Catholics. There are supposed to be rules around us having to have formal dispensation and still having the marriage recognized as valid by both Churches.
Post # 13
Do you think you’re going to want to go back to the Catholic faith? Are you going to want to take communion and call the Catholic church your home? You sound like you’ve given up on Catholicism but are only doing it to appease your family, and that isn’t a good reason to consider validating your marriage.
Post # 14
@Akron: Thank you so much that is great information!
@bookworm88: I haven’t – I just sound like that sometimes: like in my last post 🙂 Honestly it’s a bit confusing. Sometimes I feel like I have and other times I could never consider it.