Post # 1
My FI and I are planning our wedding in 2016 spring, but there is a big issue with the wedding location and the priest and we don’t know what to do.
My FI’s family come from a long generation of Roman Catholics. Starting from his great-great-gradfather, they have all been married at a Catholic church and have been ordained by a Catholic priest and everyone in their family are expected to convert to catholicism once they marry into the family. My family are fairly new Protestant Christians (20 years). However, my parents are very religious and while they do not expect me to have a traditional Christian wedding, I know they will not be happy with a traditional catholic wedding.
My FI and I tried to compromise and decided to have a wedding a neutral location but his parents were COMPLETELY opposed to that idea. They said it would be breaking years worth of tradition and that their ancestors would be rolling in their graves (seriously, they said that). So that’s issue number 1.
Issue number 2 is with the priest. Both our families are okay with having a Catholic Priest and a Christian Pastor during our wedding to give us our blessings. However, both sides of our family are adamant that their leader (Priest or Pastor) have to be the one to marry us.
Have any of you fellow bees have this problem? If so, how did you resolve it? Any input would be amazing because at this rate, we may just have to have a wedding without both our parents! 🙁
Post # 3
P.s. I’m catholic and if is too it’s a really beautiful ceremony. but you should do what you are comfortable with.
Post # 4
dgplmr86: <br /><br />
I think Catholic Churches & weddings are beautiful, and I know there is a class/process i need to go through in order to get married there and I do not mind that at all.. but I know my parents would be severely disappointed and I’d hate to do that to them at my wedding – especially since I am the first born.
Which is why I requested the neutral ground (hotel, outdoors, country club) but my FI’s parents are completely opposed. 🙁
Post # 5
MsAntsy: I agree with PPs, Catholic ceremonies are beautiful. I am catholic, but have decided to go waaay untraditional and have my brother get ordained. My mother’s parents are not happy about it, but my dad’s parents are (they are all catholic and go to the same church). I did what I wanted to do, if your FI truly wants a catholic ceremony, and you are okay with that, then go for it. If not, find a way to compromise. I love the fact that you are having both there, that is so awesome! Maybe you can find a way to meet with them both at the same time and explain the situation and see if they can come up with a solution.
Post # 6
KateriPetrie: You’re right. That may be the best route. I know my FI’s family has a priest in mind and my family also has a pastor in mind. They’re both leaders of our respective religions so I’m sure they can come up with a compromise much better than I could.
I just needed some ideas, as I know my FI very well and he will be more than willing to go against his family to give me the wedding I want.. but I don’t think that’s right. Marriage in my opinion is more than just a day for me to be selfish but a time when two families come together to form one and I really want to start it out by making everyone happy (or atleast try!)
Thanks for that idea!
Post # 7
I’m Catholic, and FI isn’t, and we have been having the same talk! One idea that we had was to have the ceremony in a neutral location, and have both a priest and pastor perform the ceremony together. Kind of a blended ceremony. That way both religions are represented, and you can incorporate the aspects of each that YOU like.
Post # 8
We had a blended ceremony with a catholic priest (for my DH) and my minister (for me, I’m Presbyterian).
I really wanted to get married in the church where I grew up and was baptized, and FI’s home church is in another country so it was a no brainer for us to do it in my church.
If you don’t get married in the Catholic Church proper be aware that there was a TON of paperwork involved to get the priest to marry us outside of the catholic church and have the marriage be validated. The priest was super amenable and helpful because it was still in a church (not a non religious venue) and I was a member in good standing of that church – and DH’s preist was in Ireland. The priest and my minister worked together to create a really beautiful blended ceremony.
My brother (in the same situation with his fiancee) just tried the same thing for his upcoming wedding (super cute, it’s going to be at a children’s museum) – my minister will marry them there, but the priest won’t – it’s not a church.
Post # 9
Echoing PP in general a catholic priest will not marry you anyplace but a Catholic Church
you our need to show extenuating circumstances (like being on your death bed in a hospital type)
unfortunately this means there isn’t really a compromise to be had either it’s in his church or it’s not catholic
personally I would get married either in neither church or in the church you intended to raise your family in regardless of what either family wants- this is about you (and FH) faith not his grandparents
Post # 10
Thanks for all the helpful responses.
I guess because Catholicism has a lot more history than Protestant Christianity there are a lot more stringent requirements that we may have to go through.
Are there any rules on having a Christian pastor giving blessings at a catholic wedding?
Post # 11
MsAntsy: I think the Catholic Church may be open to your pastir coming to the church to do his blessing. I would get in contact with the Catholic Church now and find out.