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Are you getting married in the Catholic Church? Part of the "eligibility" of marrying within the Catholic Church is the agreement that your children will be raised Catholic. We're not interfaith or anything, but it is something that would solidify how any Catholic/Protestant family is raised.
DH is Catholic and I am... non-religious (not atheist, I just dont believe in organized religion). We have already decided that we are going to raise our children to be free-thinking. We're not going to baptize them unless they choose it, we are not going to make them go to church unless they choose it, etc. That way, they can make an intelligent, personal decision about their faith.
I dont honestly care what religion they end up. Hell, they could worship the Hale-Bopp comet for all I care.
We are getting married in the Catholic Church, with my fiance's uncle (a Protestant minister) participating in the ceremony. I discussed it with my priest, and he explained that for a long time the non-Catholic partner had to promise to raise any children as Catholics. But he said that now, it's not as strict, and the non-Catholic partner simply has to allow the Catholic partner to expose the children to Catholicism. So, in other words, I have to promise to teach our kids about the Church, and my fiance has to promise to not keep me from doing so. We kinda have to figure out the rest.
My fiance is an ex-Catholic Protestant convert and I'm Protestant. I assume some Catholic ideas will end up mixed into our mostly Protestant child-rearing, but so will some Buddhist and some Muslim and some of this and some of that.
Don't get me wrong, we consider ourselves Calvinists, but other theologies have some very logical and beautiful principles that we often feel my near-sighted church lacks. We also don't intend for our kids to get raised so strictly in one religion that they never even learn about the other cultures around them, so it will be easier for us to just explain that there are others and what's involved in them. We want to know everything we can about the world, and we want our kids to do that too.
I am Protestant and my FI is Catholic. We are going to expose our cihldren to both faiths and it will be up to them. I went and talked with a priest from my church and things are much more lenient today than they were 20 years ago. My FI can even take communion in our church (if he chooses). We have quite a few couples in our church that are interfaith, so that really helps! If you have someone in your church that you're comfortable talking to, I highly recommend it. I was so scared at first, but it really calmed my nerves and answered a lot of my questions.
I'm catholic and DH is lutheran. He isn't a practicing lutheran but we agreed that since I am a practicing Catholic that we would get married in the Catholic church. What we agreed on as a couple is that I will do "everything in my power'' to raise our kids catholic if he doesn't start becoming a practicing lutheran by the time we have kids. We both want our kids to have some sort of background in either Catholic or lutheran. I don't care which but I do prefer to go to a catholic service over a lutheran service. So I would not feel comfortable going by myself to a lutheran service. He would prefer our kids to be lutheran but we both know that our kids won't understand it if we don't go expose our kids to a service on a regular basis. (I know as catholics, you're suppose to go every week but if we go twice a month, I still call that regular.)
So essentially, it comes down to the DH showing effort to go to a service. We aren't not TTC yet, we are planning on starting at the end of this summer. We'll see how it goes.
As for the communion part, I know I am welcome to take communion at a lutheran service but I hear, that in a catholic mass, the DH shouldn't get communion. The DH does say that he wouldn't feel comfortable taking communion at a catholic church because he know that our version of communion differs from what he believes. So he wouldn't take it.
@keepsmiling19 - My fiance has told me that I would be welcome to take communion in his church, as has his uncle (the minister). They welcome all Christians. And it would solve the problem of us not being able to take communion together (I always feel sad when I think about that). The problem is, I've done a lot of research since before we even got engaged, and based on what I found, Catholics aren't supposed to take communion in other churches. Now, I have heard of some Catholic churches allowing interfaith couples to take comunion together, but it seems like it would be up to the priest.
It is very frustrating, since religion plays a hugh role in both my fiance's life and in mine. We would love nothing more than to go to church and take communion as a family, together with our kids, and show our love for God together. But everything I've read so far doesn't seem to be very encouraging of that.
My FI was raised Catholic, but he's decided that branch of Christianity is not for him. His planning on converting to being a Presbyterian like me. Presbyterianism is how we'll raise or kids, but they'll be exposed to Catholicism when he visit his family, as well as Islam because I teach at a Muslim school. I believe ALL religions have a valid point and can learn from each other. Religion cannot survive if it doesn't learn and grow with the world around it.
As for communion, our Church (and all Presbyterian denominations, at least in Canada) allow ALL baptised persons to participate. As for the Catholic church accepting this, I think it's in the eyes of God, not the priest.
When we go to Catholic Mass, I'm allowed to take part, but because I was brought up believing I wouldn't be allowed, I haven't yet. Maybe next time. I think it depends on who is the priest though.
Both my husband and I are protestant, but I was raised Catholic so I thought I'd chime in....
Officially, the Catholic Church teaches that only baptized, practicing Catholics can take communion in the Catholic Church (because what they believe about communion is different than protestants). It's not enforced (because the priest doesn't ask each person in the communion line "Are you Catholic?" :-P) but that is the official teaching. Since I'm no longer Catholic, I've chosen to respect that and do not take communion when I go to mass with my family. As for Catholics not taking communion in other churches....I don't remember what they teach about that. I think as long as the other church allows it you're probably ok.
I think you do have to sign something if you get married in the Catholic church, saying that you'll raise your kids Catholic. that's what my mom told me, anyway, so it could have changed since then (or different priests may not enforce it)
I am a practicing Pentecostal (Protestant) and FI is a practicing Catholic. We have decided to expose our children to both and other religions, because I believe all religions are based on the same principles and have valid points. I cannot take communion with him, but he can take communion with me if he chooses. The beliefs are very different though. Our children will have free-will to choose which church they will go to, the only requirement is that they go regularly to whichever church/temple/synagogue they choose.
When I was dating a Protestant and we talked about marriage, I was very set on having my kids raised Catholic. I didn't want Mom and Dad to be going to two separate churches either. I thought it would send the message of, "well if Mom and Dad don't agree on it, how important can it be?" To be honest, it's something I really wouldn't have compromise on. I'm married to a Catholic, so it's not an issue for us now, which is something I'm grateful for. I was really dreading fights over whose religion was right for our kids.
I would church shop as a couple until you find a place where you both feel welcome, comfortable, and at home. What about the Unitarian Church? Their pastors are well educated and can help you make sense out of all this.
What's important is that you are disucssing this. Find out what similiarities you have in our faith and go from there.
@mari892: I can definitely understand that :-(. My FI isn't a strict Catholic. He doesn't attend mass that often and he disagrees with a few things in the Catholic church. His parents are very devout Catholic. When we go out of town with them, we have to go to mass, either on a Saturday evening or a Sunday. FI's family has some deep roots in the church and my FI is not comfortable with converting to my religion.
What helps me is that FI's brother and sister in law are in the same position. While I agree that conflicts will arise, I think it will be easier, knowing that they are in the same boat as us.
I do agree, I think a lot of things depend on the priest in the parish. Now, I am not sure about how these things work, but if your FI's parish is strict on things, could he attend a different one? I know it's much easier said than done, especially if that's the family parish.
Dear All: Point of clarification. Protestants and Catholics are the same religion: Christian. What differs is the practice of the faith. He wouldn't be converting, but changing the way his and your faith is practiced. Both churches recognize baptism and communion as a sacrament. The others are Catholic. The way both churches do communion is different; protestants don't do confession to a priest; Catholics do.
Being involved in a blended marriage, i understand what you are going through. But with the right education, you can begin to outline what it is that you both believe and don't believe and go from there.
I really think taking a course in "what my church belives" is important so you both really know what it is that your church professes. There are some great priests and ministers out there. Ask around. I'm sure you are not the first couple in your area to go through this. Check the newspapers for the church advertisements and call some of the clergy and speak with them on the phone before going in. You know if you hit it off before going in. Best of luck.
@Momma: Thank you momma, I don't like it when people get hung up on the diiferences. It's the same religion, and the same God.
Im Methodist (family has been for MANY generations including my grandfather was a Methodist minister for 54 years) and FI is non-practicing Catholic. His family is very hell-bent on our wedding & everything being Catholic. We are not getting married in ANY church but are going through Pre-Cana and asking for the Catholic church to recognize our marriage- we are having a Priest & my preacher split the ceremony so we have both faiths represented.
As far as children go- I already have a 3year old little girl. My FI doesnt really enjoy going to church but he does goto church with me. I can NOT take communion in his church but the Methodist allow all Christians to take communion in our church. My daughter is active in my church as am I and my family. As far as I can forsee we will goto my church at home, we do goto Mass with his family when we visit them (2hrs away) AND since my daughters father is Catholic and so is FI's family I want her to be informed so she is currently on the waiting list for our towns Catholic pre-school & I want her to attend a Catholic school for 2 reasons- 1. Better schools & 2. she will get that Catholic presence I want her to have- She will be free to make her decisions about her faith but she will be raised in church and in God! : )
Hope you get it worked out! It is FOR SURE one of the trickiest things we are facing right now also!
Yes, it's the same God and both believe in Jesus. But as a baptized Catholic, I must raise my children to believe in the Catholic sacraments, and I must attend Catholic mass or else I will burn in hell. I'm struggling with this very much. Preparing to get married in the Catholic church is supposed to get you closer to the church again, but for me it has done the opposite. I actually have been thinking about attending a Unitarian mass, because I agree more with their beliefs than with my church's beliefs.
I'm pregnant and I'm still not sure. Husband's catholic and I'm presbyterian but both of us are more interested in the Bible than proclaiming loyalty to a certain denomination. We got married in a Catholic church because it was one my husband was very involved in growing up and I hadn't stayed as connected to my hometown church. While he's very much a practicing Christian he's a non-practicing Catholic.
Our kids will be exposed to all sorts since our main goal is to find a congregation and priest/pastor we can identify with. I'll never be fully comfortable in a Catholic church since I can't take communion there without becoming a full member and I know I won't do that since I don't share all their beliefs but my husband is perfectly happy taking communion wherever. So, I really don't know, we have to move in a couple years so it probably just depends what the churches are like where we end up.
@AprilJo2011: oh honey, I don't think you'll burn in hell. Yes there are things we are supposed to do as Catholics, but if we also have God's forgiveness. Have you tried talking to a Priest?
Right with ya girl. I'm Catholic and my fiance is Lutheran. I was raised VERY Catholic..church twice a week, private school my entire life, etc etc. He did not. Every holiday we have to go to 2 masses with each family.
We are getting married in the Catholic church at my parent's insistance. He went through the counseling and it helped. The priest just said I have to do everything in my power to raise our kids as Catholic and he should do the same to raise the kids as Lutheran. Guess it will be a switch off every Sunday and every holiday..heh
@mari892: I'm protestant and FI is Catholic. I've thought about converting but I feel more at home in a Protestant church. I may convert one day as my Grandfather was Catholic and my Mum is too, so I think I would get our children baptised Catholic.
We are in the exact same situation. Your fiance can actually walk up to recieve communion, but the priest will instead put his hand on his forehead and say God bless you instead of giving him the eucharist.
Sorry I haven't kept up with responding. School's been a little hectic with finals.
I can emphatize with many of you. I was raised strictly Catholic- mass every Sunday, did every sacrament, and we're doing all the pre-cana classes so we can get married in a Catholic church. My fiance was very generous with aloowing that, because his uncle is a Protestant minister and everyone else in his family has gotten married at his church.
Despite the strict upbringing, I think I'm a little more relaxed about denominations compared to my family. I've considered what some of you have done, as far as taking communion with him together at his church and finding a home church where we feel comfortable for when we have kids, then expose them to both denominations. I don't see them as 2 different religions. But I do have fears about that. The Catholic church isn't supportive of this stance and there's definitely that feeling of "I'll go to hell if I do this" sometimes. So I'm conflicted.
I have the same thing - I am Protestant and he is Catholic. The thing is we both agree on fundamentals, but it's finding a church which will accept us both. I have no problems baptizing our kids catholic (I believe in infant baptism anyhow) and my church accepts catholic baptism as legitimate. I however don't at all feel accepted by the Catholic church (can't partake in communion), which my FI really doesn't like about his denomination either. I think we will end up Anglican - kind of a middle ground with more protestant and more catholic influences thrown in - catholic baptism, maybe catholic school... I think the most important thing though is finding a church we both feel comfortable in and just going with that - catholic or protestant.
It has been very challenging, but I think it's good to keep your mind open and focus on Christ rather than on doctrine. God is bigger than our denominations... I just wish our denominations could figure that out and be more receptive to all Christians!!
But I do have fears about that. The Catholic church isn't supportive of this stance and there's definitely that feeling of "I'll go to hell if I do this" sometimes. So I'm conflicted.
I was raised in a Catholic/Protestant family. My mom is Catholic, and they agreed that she would raise the girls Catholic and my dad would raise the boys Lutheran. Lucky they had 2 and 2!
I don't think it was too bad growing up, but one of my brothers became agnostic, and the other became Catholic (sort of.)
That is a really hard position. I do not envy you. Because of my personal experience with it, that was the main reason I did not marry my first serious bf! (who was a protestant.)
God bless with your decisions! From an intellectual standpoint, I would just also encourage you to both read and research as much as you can about what the other person believes. From a Catholic perspective, some excellent books include those by authors such as Steve Ray, Karl Keating, and Scott Hahn, and especially Scott Hahn's conversion story.)
I wanted to respond to your comment about going to hell.
According to both protestants and catholics, you only go to hell if you don't believe in jesus christ as your savior. This is my problem with the catholic denomination - it's culture of fear. I am sure it comes from the historic beliefs which have now been appealled... however I do not want to raise kids in this atmosphere of fear and uncertainty about salvation. My FI still struggles with it.
My advice - and I odn't have much b/c im still struggling with it, but keep an open mind and an open heart. Search out what God wants for the two of you. Read the bible, and pray and I know that God will work it out. Whether that's finding a totally different church or what. When you're following God's plan for your life, you are doing what's right - no matter what an institution says about it. Don't let the institution box you in :)
You girls are so encouraging :) I really appreciate it because I can't exactly talk all this over with my parents. They would freak out and try to accuse my fiance of trying take me away from my church.
We've done a lot of reading together, and I'll definitely look into some of the authors that joy2011 suggested.
Stargurl101: Thanks for pointing that out! I have a hard time believing in anything less than a merciful God, but sometimes those thoughts do creep in. Call it Catholic guilt. I've been to church with my fiance several times since we started dating and the lack of guilt was what struck me the most. I asked him once how he was so laid-back about everything and his response was: "Because I trust my life and my problems to God." So simple, but it was almost a novel concept to me at the time.
Hello Bee!
So i am protestant and my fiance is catholic. We have decided to raise our children catholic but they will of course be able to go to my family church when they have sleepovers and what not with my parents. As for the baptism i have no problem with them being baptized as babies, i see it as just a blessing like a dedication in the protestant church. No one suffered from extra blessings!! When they are older they are welcome to choose to be baptized again within the protestant church if that is what they feel right for them. As for the communion i also dont mind not taking it while they do, im ok receiving the blessing from the priest. When we do attend my church we just dont go on the day that communion is served, which is the first sunday of the month. At the end of the day my biggest hope is that my children will have a personal relationsip with the Lord it doesnt really matter to me how they show that whether Cahtolic or Protestant.
PM if you want to chat anymore! :)
I feel your pain.
My FI is catholic....used to be devout but has since become more laxed about going. He was born and raised in the catholic church, did all of his sacraments etc etc. I am a very devout Southern Baptist, or just Baptist. I was born and raised in the church and still attend every week and am very involved in the church. We're getting married in Sept and have talked about this issue pretty extensively. He knows he has to influence our children with his faith as much as he can and I'm fine with that. I won't 'not' expose our kids to that. I have never pressured him into ever converting and he as been the same way with me. Our children will be know what it's like for both faiths and will let them make the decision when they are old enough and know and understand it. I respect him and his faith and he respects me and my faith. He comes with me to church on Sundays and loves it.
Best of luck with you both.
@mari892: My fiance wants religion to be a part of our family, but he isn't religious. He promised not to make me a "church single woman" who attends church alone & he wants our kids raised in the church. If he didn't find those things to be important, I don't know what we would do. Even before we started dating exclusively, I told him that my expectation was to attend church with my spouse. Once he promised to join me in church, I agreed to move forward with the relationship.
FI is Catholic and I am Protestant. We will raise our children Protestant. Luckily, we didn't argue about this, and he understands my reasons for wanting our children to be Protestant. FWIW, his dad is Jewish and his mom is Catholic, and he was raised super Catholic.
You girls have been so sweet to take the time to respond and offer encouragment. FI and I had worked out pretty much everything, and then we met with our priest. Talk about guilt. He insisted on baptism for our children when they're babies. Don't get me wrong- I would love to do that. But FI feels uncomfortable with taking away that choice from our kids, and baptizing them at a time when they won't even remember it, let alone understand. He doesn't leave out the possibility of baptizing them as children if it's what they want, but he thinks that they should have input into that choice. We had reached peace about that, but it got destroyed after talking to the priest. Now I'm confused.
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Hello hive!
My fiance and I have talked a lot about what it will be like raising kids when we don't share the same religion. I'm Catholic, and he's Protestant (non-denominational). It's probably been the trickest part of our relationship. We worry about things like baptism (he's uncomfortable with baptizing babies since they're not old enough to understand what's happening or choose) and communion (he cannot take communion in my church and I cannot take communion in his church, so what will we do with our kids?). It can be frustrating at times. We try to always keep in mind that we love and serve the same God, and that we both recognize Christ as our Savior, but it's amazing how difficult this has been to work out in a way that we're both happy with.
Is anyone in a similar situation? What are your thoughts on raising interfaith children?