(Closed) Caught between my fiance and my sister!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m very close to my sister and would want to give her a place to stay if she needed it, but I know FI wouldn’t be too happy with it, especially after what you’ve been through and wanting privacy.  

If she’s not looking for a place because she’s taking advantage of having a place to stay, I would probably side with FI, but if she was truly looking and having a hard time, then I’d take sister’s side.

Post # 5
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

How long would it normally take her to find a place after she returns? Maybe you can talk to your Fi and agree that you’ll give her 2 weeks after she returns to find a place, or something like that.

Post # 6
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well I’m an only child so I don’t understand the whole sibling dynamic thing so I would side with your FI. Its his home too and he should have a say in whether or not she stays there. 

Post # 7
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

How long will she be in Veitnam? Is it just a vacation? (For some reason when I first read your post, I assumed she’d be moving there for several months, haha.)

Did you ever give her a deadline for moving out, before she moved in? I think if you DO decide to let her stay post-Veitnam, it would be wise to have a very serious talk with her before she leaves about her timeline. Maybe consider putting it in writing or asking her to pay rent/chip in for bills.

I understand not wanting to throw your sister out on the her bum, but I also think your husband has a valid point – your home needs to be a place where the two of you can build your new family of two, and having someone living with you beyond their invited welcome cuts into that!

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Definitely your fiance. When you decide someone is amazing enough to spend your life with, they always  (unless some extraordinary situation occurs) come first. And considering your sister agreed to certain terms when she moved in and didn’t keep her side, too bad, so sad. Her finances are not your responsibility. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is Vietnam for work, or vacation? If it’s vacation, it sounds irresponsible of her to spend money like that without having a roof over her head. If it is for work, then I think you should talk to FI about letting her stay after the trip utnil she finds a place.

But honestly, it is FIs home ,too, and if he says she needs to go, then she needs to.

 

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

To be honest I don’t see the point of her looking for a place either, especially if she is not looking to own. I would try to get your FI to understand your sisters situation. When is she planning on returning from Vietnam? I would definitely house my sister, whatever the case so I guess I’m biased??

Post # 11
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Cash000: She can’t afford both the trip and a place.

I’m siding with your FI. If she cannot afford both the trip and a place now, it is unlikely for her to afford a place after the trip (not until she find a job).  Then again, what happens if can’t find a job after she comes back?

You mentioned she’s going to Vietnam, I’m assuming you are Vietnamese. I understand in our culture we feel obligated to have family members live with us and would look like the bad guy if we kick them out. However, you have to do with what’s best for you, can’t please everyone.

Post # 12
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you have a spare room that she can at least stay for a week or two?  I’m vietnamese also..but more than that if my sister or FI’s sisters were to be in need for a place to stay, I wouldn’t necessary turn them away. 

Post # 13
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think you need to give her a definite move-out date.  Why couldn’t she stay with your parents?

Post # 14
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

If it were me I would let my sister stay after she came back but with a time limit (but then again I am really bad with babying my sister- I can’t help it I’ve been doing it for 19 years lol)

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