(Closed) Caught him looking online at…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh my gosh. I thought this was going to say porn!  haha 

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you brought these concerns up to him?

Post # 4
Member
431 posts
Helper bee

omg! no time to properly comment im dashing out, but OMG about the ‘give me ideas under $100’ .. i would DIE i dont know why but that to me is more scandalous than anything.

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was in your same boat before we got engaged.  Alllllllll our friends were getting engaged and married… most of them had been together WAYYYY less time than we had.  And I knew his reasons why he couldnt propose at the time, but it still drove me INSANE!!   Then one night… long after I stopped expecting it to happen… it happened!  And the funniest part of it all is now I feel so silly for wanting to be engaged so fiercely, cause we have been engaged for almost 2 years.  And by the time we get married it will be 2.5 yrs since we were engaged.  And now I just feel like the time from pre-engagement to wedding has dragged on and on and on and on,… almost making engaged seem… boring? 

 

Well anyways, hang in there.  If he truly loves you he will want to marry you too.  And girl, if he doesnt prove that, then its time to move on and find someone who makes you feel as special as you are! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hugs! I know exactly how you feel. I caught my SO looking at something not at all engagement related and it really is disappointing.

On the other hand, guys do look at cars. My SO looks at cars online all the time… just like I look at shoes and clothes. It may not mean that he’s really trying to buy something else. It could just be “window shopping,” you know?

Hopefully we will both get what we want soon!

Post # 8
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with ^ that men look at cars. I don’t think it definitely means anything. My SO looks at cars now and then, he does plan to buy in the near future, but I’ve never thought “if he buys a car, he wont buy a ring.” Why not just buy both (unless there is financial strain)? If a car is a need for him, he should be looking at them. If a ring is a need, he would be looking at that too. So, it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I would be ticked he said “under $100” out loud though. 

Post # 10
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hmm you say that he doesn’t talk about it all anymore and asked you for gift ideas under $100. I’m wondering if he isn’t trying to throw you off about a birthday proposal and is purposely not mentioning anything so he doesn’t ruin the surprise. I say wait until after your birthday to mention anything, he might just be planning something extra special ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@pisces36:  Sorry you’re feeling like this.  I’ve been feeling like this off and on for months, which of course, does nothing to make my BF feel like proposing.  Does your BF understand the emotions of waiting, and how they make you feel like soemting is wrong with you?  How his waiting for it to be “perfect” makes you feel like he doubts you?  Doubts spending his life with you?  That everytin another woman, often in relationships of less duration (in my case) gets engaged, you wonder why her guy thinks she’s indispensilbe and wants to make her nd the world know it, and why your guy can’t tell you the same thing?   

Do your best to get some alone time and let yourself cry, cry, cry.  If you’re alone in the house at all,  scream and yell if you mest, but let yourself get those feelings out, so you can get soem releife…. BUT also try to find something, anything that will distract you.  In my case, weird as it is, I found some solace in trying to help my soon to be married friends with anything in their weddings that I can help with… In my case we have no timeline, and my BF is so scarred from life he might never propose, so I admit I’m kinda trying to have “some” sort of wedding experieinces in my life since I might never have my own. 

Now, after letting yourself cry and get into hystrics if needed, stop spending any time alone.  Find something new to try to be excited about – find a cheap Zumba class, bellydancing or anyhting new, with lots of people.  It’s harder to remain sad in those situations.  I hope things get better – there’s a lot of time before July, and it sounds like he’s not adverse to proposing or marriage, he just wnats to do it his way… since it’s the one real thing in the whol process he has a major say in, (in the wedding there are often too many chefs in the kitchen) try to leave it be, and let him get to it.  You’d hate it if he proposes afer seeing you cry, simply because you were crying, right?  (OK, you’d be happy he proposed, but what if he had something a little less damp planned?)

 

Sorry – I’m the queen of typos and today my hands are freezing at work, so it’s worse.

Post # 13
Member
37 posts
Newbee

@pisces36: Awww… I can SO relate to that feeling!  I am in my second relationship where I’m “waiting” for a proposal.  The first was 4 years long and I felt like crap about myself every day until I left him on our 4 year anniversary.  We were both in our 30’s at the time and had careers, so there was really no excuse. 

My next relationship (the one I’m in now) I am also “waiting”, but I am no where near as frustrated as I was the last time.  Except I am kind of scarred from my previous experience that I assume my now BF will keep me waiting forever.  Poor guy has to pay for my exes mistakes Embarassed.

So seeing that I have LOTS of experience in this area, I don’t think your BF is some fuddy duddy who will keep you waiting forever.  He seems serious.  Coming from an objective point of view.  Your “reality” is clouded by your crazy emotions, but sometimes our “reality” is wrong!!!

I know that keeping quiet on something SO important is practically impossible.  I am constantly telling myself to shut up about talking marriage with my current BF (we have been together 18 months and he’s not “ready” yet).  I found that doing yoga and juice fasting has helped.  They both teach me about discipline.  Juice fasting might be too radical for you, but I am constantly a ball of emotions that I need to “stabilize” myself all the time. 

So both things work for me to remain calm and patient.  Perhaps you can look into it?  It will do you some good, and will allow your guy to give you the correct proposal (because I think he has something up his sleeve).

Post # 15
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

@pisces36: Grrrr….. It’s so hard to understand guys and their prioriries and why they don’t have the same ones as us. I realize they have their “own” timeline and they are put under pressure to make it perfect.. but I also don’t think they realize many women could care less how they do it, they just want it done! In my own little fantasy world, sometimes I tell myself he has it all planned out and is just trying to throw me off or make me not think about it

I was also under the impression my SO was going to use his tax refund for a ring, but he needs new tires for the truck… But last weekend, his Dad offered to buy the tires.. and he said “well how do you know I don’t already have the money saved before the refund”. GAH! WTF? I don’t know if they get a kick out of stringing us along or what, but it’s miserable not knowing a damn thing.

make me feel unworthy and like there is something wrong with me, or US, that I don’t know about.

I go through bouts of feeling this way and it’s not fun at all. I had a really, really tough time this past fall for about a month or so. It was awful. It’s so hard from our perspective to understand why it hasn’t happened if they feel the way they say they do. Speaking of that… have you two had ‘the talk’ and do you know if he’s for sure on the same page about wanting the marriage? This is what makes me so mad at my SO sometimes, he tells me he knows he wants to marry me and he’s not going anywhere… so where’s the freaking ring? What’s the freaking hold up?

Post # 16
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I get it – believe me!  SO spent $2300 to re-upholster furniture (his furniture).  It’s his money and he has the right to do with it what he wants but $2,300 would make a nice e-ring, yes???? However, he’s so generous to me otherwise…I can’t say anything, or I “won’t” say anything.  I don’t want a shut-up ring.  or a forced proposal.   No No No.  I’d rather have nothing at all.

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