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Hi Bees-
So, a few weeks ago, I went in the bathroom to get ready while my husband was taking a shower. We have frosted glass in the shower and so you can see some things...but not anything too detailed. I noticed well, basically, that he was masturbating. I know guys masterbate, I just don't want to know where or when. I also sort of had convinced myself my husband didn't do it at all.
Since then, I am afraid to go in the bathroom when he is in the shower because I don't want to "catch" him again. I also get all weirded out when he takes a longer shower than normal because I assume he's well...you know.
I worry that I might not be fully satisfying him. I feel insecure about our sex life now and I just feel kind of icky about the whole thing.
What do you ladies think? Do your husbands/boyfriends/partners masterbate? If so, do you know details about it? How do you feel about it? Am I freaking out over nothing? I will include a poll so you can respond annonymously but any feedback you can share would be MUCH appreciated.
Thanks SO much.
DH does, eh, no biggy. Have you concidered just jumping into the shower with him and having fun with it? I totally would.
Hmmmm, I guess I know DH did before we got married but I'm not sure about since then. As long as it isn't detracting from intimacy between the two of you - I would be ok with it. But if he's turning you down because he's already satisfied himself, that's no fun!
Flip it around - do you self-pleasure at all? I think it's fine for partners to do so, as long as they are still maintaining a healthy sex life with both of them.
Maybe surprise him in the shower next time? If he is in the mood already... it may be a nice way to spice things up.
I don't think it is a big deal though. I think it's just something that guys do. If you feel insecure about your sex life, start by talking about it. At a time when you are not having sex. Just a conversation. I would ask him if he has any fantasys that is a good conversation starter.
Best of luck!
I always thought that thats where guys did it if they did, since its private with easy clean up . My older brother, his friends, popular media and guys in college always seem to act like its somethign they constantly do and with or without a girlfriend.
I personally am not comfortable with masturbation (like talking at length and details about each others self pleasure), but I do know that its not always intented for somethign like my woman doesn't satisfy me, its more of a habit in combination with a release. Plus for some if they do it before sex, they can last longer.
Have you talked to him about it???
I know it feels weird to know that they're having alone time... but I wouldn't let it worry you and definitely don't feel insecure about your sex life! Him having a little self love every so often could actually improve your sex life and his sexual appetite.
Maybe the next time you catch him you should join in, that’s what I would do. Wanking it isn't ooky, it's natural and sometimes people get hot when no one else is there it "help" so yea you should just go with. Maybe open a dialogue about it with you partner so you can more comfortable about the subject.
I voted I know details, but I don't know like... SUPER details if you know what I mean. I assume most people do it, so it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Bathtubs's a great place to do it because it's so easy to clean up!
I've actually sent my FI to do this, hahaha. I wouldn't worry about it! Do you....never do that? If not, that's ok. Just trust that it's normal - he's probably thinking about you, anyway. ;)
And I agree, as long as it's not taking away from him doing it with you, it's ok!
All depends on a couples intimacy, IMO. I understand if my fiance and I hadn't been intimate in awhile (due to illness, whatever) and he needed release. But if he wasn't seeking me out, and masturbating by himself, I'd probably be worried about it and it'd warrant a talk.
I know Mr Rugbee does it & his favourite type of audiovisual accompaniment but he's very sneaky(or shy?): We've lived together for almost 2 years & I've still never caught him with his pants down, so to speak.
I really wouldn't worry about it unless you are dissatisfied with other aspects of your sex life.
DH and I are very open about it. If I had to guess, he does it 3x a week or so. Definitely less than I do, in any case. 
But we have fantabulous and frequent sex. I think the vast majority of young/middle aged guys probably masturbate somewhat frequently even if they have great and satisfying sex lives. Sometimes you want a three course meal and sometimes you just want a snack, you know?
I wouldn't worry at all. He probably was in the shower when he felt the urge and decided to go with it. I say talk to him about it. A husband and wife should have the kind of intimacy where you feel open to talk about that stuff. Sure, it can be awkward, but still feel open and safe with your husband. :)
If it were me, I'd totally poke my head in and ask if he wants help, haha. But seriously, probably just something in the moment turned him on and he went for it. No big deal.
completely normal. and your response is normal too. pardon the pun, but u have to get the balls, and just talk to him about it. if you are starting to feel self conscience about ur abilities, it will ony get worse with time if u don't discuss it.
? Masturbation is a healthy thing, last I checked. I would be happy if he was doing that :)
@Miss Beacon: i agree with this as i am certainly not someone who would jump in the shower with my DH upon seeing this. So i would also feel weirded out that i "caught" him. But i also think there is nothing wrong with it and it should have no bearing on the intimacy between the two of you.
Also, I am not a fan of porn, so i think i would prefer catching him in the shower versus watching porn or somethning like that!
I almost did a double take when I saw this thread...I don't think I know of a single guy who doesn't/hasn't masturbated in the shower. It's practically a staple of male existence lol. I don't think they do it every day (who has the time??) but they definitely do it.
I think a national study a while back showed that 95% of guys masturbate so I think you'd be setting yourself up for serious disappointment if you didn't want your partner to go at it solo. It's normal, it's healthy, and there's nothing shameful or wrong about it. It doesn't mean they don't love you, don't find you attractive, or don't want to have sex with you. A guy's masturbation habits should (almost) never be taken personally, unless it's cutting into your sex life.
Personally, I'm very familiar with DH's habits and I wouldn't have it any other way. Why would I want to intentionally shut myself out of a part of his life or ask him to keep something from me? Honestly and open communication are too important to us, even when it's about self lovin' and whatever porn flick he watched last. I'd take previous posters advice and hop in the shower with him next time you catch him getting busy.
In agreement with PPs, it's a totally normal thing. I would not be worried and depending on my mood I would jump in with him.
i wouldnt worry about it. Hop in and have some fun next time!
better hes jerking off in the shower , than with another girl!!!
@julies1949: I agree.
Personally, if I catch him, he gets all shy... I think it's adorable. XD
Thank you so much for your suggestions and advice. I greatly appreciate your insight and feel much better. I'd love to keep hearing your experiences!!
It's just a biological need, no big deal, don't need to worry at all!
I used to get all bent out of shape if I caught FI getting off to porn, but I accidentally caught him doing it in the shower and for some reason, I found it funny. From then on I've been a total douche about it. I'll sneak into the bedroom (where the computer is) if he's on it in there or the bathroom and fling the shower curtain to the side and exclaim "YOU JERKING OFF?!?!"..and then I'll run from the room laughing like a loon because I usually scare the crap out of him.
That doesn't help you any, but don't take it personally. Unless he has a chronic problem and chooses masterbating OVER you, then there may be an issue, but I wouldn't think twice about it if it happens once in a while. :)
I figure lots of people do it. It's normal to do it and it's normal not to do it. I know my FI does it. I don't know frequency, but I do know that we have a very healthy sex life along with his solo activities. As long as he isn't choosing solo pleasure over intimacy with me, I'm fine with it. It's not something that bothers me, and I wouldn't want him to feel weird about it. On a more selfish note, I also need him to have an option other than whining when I'm too tired to play.
@saraja87: I think the official result of that study was 95% of guys masterbate, and 4% are liars :P
Am I the only one that would have just opened the door looked at him and said "oy! And just what do you think you're doing? You know that's MY job!" And then just stepped into the shower and joined him?
Seriously, he can masturbate all he wants I don't care, unless I'm home, cause then he should be doing ME, hahaha.
It's perfectly healthy hun and a part of life.
@MrsGolden2Bee: Agreed. If I'm home and available (you know, not asleep or working or something) there's no reason why he should be the only one who gets to play!
Otherwise, OP, I think it's totally fine. In fact, I'd probably do what PP said and jump in with him.
Funny thing, though -- my SO says he hates masturbating in the shower because (TMI alert!) the water makes his stuff...uh...clumpy and hard to wash off. Clearly, he's either the only one with that experience, or other men just don't care :P
@DeadUtopia: OMGLOL! I'm laughing so hard my cat had abandoned my lap and is giving me the evil eye from across the room.
OP, don't worry, its totally normal for guys to masturbate. And for girls to masturbate too! As long as your sex life isn't suffering due to excessive masturbation I wouldn't worry. I've never caught my FI, and he won't talk about it, but I'm sure he does.
I'm with DarkUtopia-- as long as he isn't hurting you, who cares? My FI def mastrubaes (though not in the shower because the water is "distracting"), and I can usually guess when it is, but it's not something we brag about.
I dunno... it doesn't bother me at. He's a man and he has to do his thing.
If it was in the morning, he might not have been doing it for a sexual reason; he might have been doing it to get rid of his morning boner. Just a thought.
DH can jerk off as much as he wants. It's less work that I have to do!
Totally normal and I don't care in the slightest. The only reason I guess I might not want to walk in on it is if I wasn't in the mood to help I'd feel guilty being like "Ok well, have fun.. I'm out of here" haha. But seriously, I know he does and will continue to do so for as long as he enjoys it and he should. It doesn't mean he's not attracted to you or that there's something wrong. I think there's 2 seperate parts to a sex life- one with a partner and also on your own and I'm not looking to change that.
@UpstateCait: agreed!!! lol
my SO does it and it does not bother me one bit. The only issue i have is if he is choosing that over me. Same thing with porn or whatever. As long as our sex life is good then if you wanna self love then whatever. I do, he does, and we are both pretty open about it. we dont like announce that we have done it lol but its no secret either. I have caught him a couple times but i just walk out of the room and we laugh about it later. I have also sent him to do it a few times when im just too tired for sex.
I never caught my man doing this nor do we talk about it. This doesn't mean I assume he doesn't do it, I actually kind of assume he does. But from what I understand (after talking to other women) this is very common.
Most men masturabate. Most women do too. It's a perfectly healthy, normal part of life.
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