- 5 years ago
Please help! I need the advice or thoughts of people who do not personally know me to help me think clearly.
I’m 25, and my SO and I had been in a relationship for 7 years. Over the last year, our relationship has been really rocky because I am at a point where I have a great job and am ready to settle down, and he has expressed several times that he is not due to unclear career goals and not being financially stable. Throughout our relationship, I have always been the one who falls apart after fights and breaks down into an emotional mess while he either hangs up on me on the phone, leaves, or just plain tells me to get over it. We’ve had a couple of small break ups where I would always come crying for him to take me back.
A few months ago, one of my close friends got engaged after only dating a guy for a few months and it threw me into a tailspin and I started nagging/whining about us not being engaged. We had a few big fights about this, but never broke up.
In September, we had a fight (can’t even remember over what), he didn’t speak to me for 5 days. Finally, he called me and we had a long, adult conversation about how I was obviously unhappy in the relationship and we mutually decided to “take a break.” We decided not to have any contact during this time, but did not set a time limit.
Fast forward to a month later. I have stuck to my guns and not contacted him, not broken down and cried, and have gone out and really enjoyed myself and met new people. I have (re)met a wonderful guy that I went to high school with, and have been spending A LOT of time with him. We have kissed, but nothing more. He knows all about the SO and what has been going on, and he has been there for me the entire time. He has told me he is definitely falling for me and wants me to make a decision either way but isn’t pushing it any time soon. He says he will stay in limbo with me until he finally can’t take it anymore.
Two days ago out of the blue, SO comes calling. He’s crying, telling me he realizes he has been totally complacent in the relationship and took me for granted and wants me back. I’m not biting. Right now, all I can think about is the hurt and the bad times and how this new guy makes me feel so wonderful. Then I find out, he went out yesterday and bought me ring. I sent him a message and told him he better not propose to me, not now. I have asked him for time and space to figure things out, but he keeps constantly calling me, sending me messages and sending flowers to my house. My brother commented that this is an act of desperation and he’s at the point where he will do anything to get me back (also, he doesn’t know about the new guy).
I don’t even want to see him right now, but I can’t just throw away 7 years. I am totally torn on what to do.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation or have some sane advice? I am going crazy.