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Personally, I would not drop everything & follow a man to a new city/country (?) in hopes that he will want to marry me someday.
I wouldn't drop my own life for his on a flimsy notion of someday. If I were engaged, then it's worth negotiating. But, to follow him without a commitment--I wouldn't do it.
I don't plan on following if there is no commitment.
But a pilot's life is very different. Even when we are married, we most likely will have to move 3 to 4 more times.
Thanks for your input :)
Hi MIss Co-pilot - I love your user name :) I kind of understand your alone time since my bf is a chef at a fine dining place in NYC. We live together and sometimes we only see each other when I pick him up from the train that night. It's difficult but we were both in the hospitality industry when we met so I understood the schedule from the start. But I actually get a LOT of studying done with my alone time - and I watch all the shows he refuses to, lol! I feel like I've got the best of both worlds - a loving, wonderful guy for 7 years, a great home and finances that we share totally, and still lots of time for me!
You should sit down with him and tell him what your hopes are for a 5 year plan. It is really smart to have everything paid or on the way to being paid before you have a wedding. You don't want to stretch your finances too thin, especially in this economy. Plus, you don't want to be married, have a baby and then have to move around 3 or 4 times - so maybe it would be best to get established first = for him and you. Hope it all works out :)
thanks luckyp.
I do get to enjoy the alone time, and I have always known what the life style would be. Sometimes its just hard. We have an appartment, we share the finances 50/50. If one of us is in a hard spot we help each other out like 80/20 or what ever we can manage.
My bf is going to be 36 this year, and im am 24. We are both very responsible people. He and I dont want a huge lavish wedding. We both agreed to to a destination wedding with 15 of our close family and friends.
I guess I just want him to care as much about our plans as his career plans. Pilots are type A people times a thousand. They see things as black or white..and never gray. Gotta love 'em!
Lol - sounds like pilots and chefs have more in common than I thought! ;) Type A all the way! Good luck to you - I hope he starts to get into it :)
Well first, thanks for coming out of hiding and posting!
I don't think you're being too hard on him, based on what you're saying. I think it's a lot better to be up front and clear on your expectations, and maybe cry it out a little compared to an alternative of quietly resenting him and getting angrier and angrier. I don't know how you feel about a timeline, but you could ask him when he thinks you two will get married or when he will propose. I know a lot of people want to have certain things taken care of before they get married and "start a family," but I also think sometimes it's not right or fair to wait. Just make sure he knows why it's important to you to get married. Maybe if he sees it from your perspective of making your relationship official, and that you love to support him, but its hard if you're not married, etc, etc... then he might be more open to getting engaged/married. Good luck!
Hey there-
So I'm a little behind but from one co-pilot in life to another I thought I'd give you my own experience. I think around the 2 year mark we went through this same thing. And we talked about it. I get all excited that he's coming home and think he should spend all that time with me. But what I failed to realize is that he has other people that is wanting to spend time with him. I know you probably realize that as I know that I did too but I just wanted him to spend it with me. Selfish I know. But what I asked him to do was to give me more of a heads up that he is going to spend time with his friends or family rather then wait to the day of. This way I'd be able to get it in my head that I wouldn't be seeing him right when he landed but later in the day. And also so that I could make plans with others.
As for the waiting on the marriage thing. I remember having this convo around the same time frame of 2 years. He told me that he wanted to to wait until we were 40 to get married. I was 29 at the time and I told him that he needed to find a 20 year old because not many women my age are going to wait another 10 years. Pilots are logical as you know. Give him some time. He'll realize that yes, there will always be $$ problems. Every time he upgrades to a different aircraft, goes from right seat to left seat there will be a pay decrease so if you constantly waited around on the $$ thing we'd never get anywhere. He'll chat it up with other pilots and he'll come to the same reasoning.
Good luck!
@sassy411: I have to second this- I wouldn't move period until the commitment has been made on his part. You are the only one planning and saving- what is he doing. Some men can be all talk and no action, so I would want to see some action before moving any forward- WELCOME!
I did move to another country for my BF (now fiance) - and it was a tough choice because we were not engaged at the time. We did talk beforehand & I flat out asked him if we were on the same page about our relationship leading to marriage and he said it was, but we did not discuss timeline. I was lucky because I had work lined up when I went there, so I was not giving up my career, luckily, if it didn't work out. It was still a gamble. It worked out for me, but we had tears and fights because I was insecure because we didn't get engaged right away and I didn't know if he was going to stay true to his word. I would have a talk with him about timelines, goals, etc, and try to get some kind of work lined up or have some back up plan if it doesn't work out. Love is always a gamble! Only you know deep down if your man is going to be true to his word or just string you along... good luck!
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Hi bees,
This is my first real post (besides my intro), as I like to lurk alot.
My bf and I have been together for 2 years and living together a year and a half. I have been hurt alot before, but I know that mister pilot is THE ONE.
Anyways, since my man works alot and I have a crazy scheduel of my own, I spend alot of time alone. Yesterday I was hoping for a nice lazy saturday just him and I. Well he had to go to work...and I stayed home studying for university midterms instead. At 2pm he let me know that one of his flight students (and some of his friends) wanted to make him supper so he wouldn't be home until 12 pm.
I was upset not because he was going out for supper, but because I was alone again...If i go out with friends I alwasy make sure that he is invited or what his plans will be. I always make sure my man will be ok ;) And because I feel like im rowing a boat alone, he says he wants to get married but the issue is money wich is true but I try to tell him that we will ALWAYS have stuff to pay, be it a house, a car, our students loans...
He gets excited when we talk about rings, venues and colors...but I know for a fact that im the only one saving for our engagement / wedding right now.
When he got home I was in bed and crying...oh boy did I cry.
I let him know how i feel, that im affraid he is stringing me along, that he wont make a move until all the financial and career stars are all aligned. He told me again that he wants to get married and have kids because his life would not be the same without me and he loves me.
My bf is pilot, his goal is to get into a big airline, for that we need to move up north in canada. He recently got an offer to move, I said I would go because this would help his dream to come true, and move us along to our married life. He said he hoped I was goign to say no because he really didn't want to move that far up north...
Im angry at him for never stepping up to the plate!
Sorry if this was a long rant...sometimes i think maybe im being to hard on him??