(Closed) ‘Cause I cried me a river -(long)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6712 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Personally, I would not drop everything & follow a man to a new city/country (?) in hopes that he will want to marry me someday.

I wouldn’t drop my own life for his on a flimsy notion of someday.  If I were engaged, then it’s worth negotiating.  But, to follow him without a commitment–I wouldn’t do it.

 

Post # 5
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Hi MIss Co-pilot – I love your user name πŸ™‚  I kind of understand your alone time since my bf is a chef at a fine dining place in NYC.  We live together and sometimes we only see each other when I pick him up from the train that night. It’s difficult but we were both in the hospitality industry when we met so I understood the schedule from the start.  But I actually get  a LOT of studying done with my alone time – and I watch all the shows he refuses to, lol!  I feel like I’ve got the best of both worlds – a loving, wonderful guy for 7 years, a great home and finances that we share totally, and still lots of time for me!

You should sit down with him and tell him what your hopes are for a 5 year plan.  It is really smart to have everything paid or on the way to being paid before you have a wedding.  You don’t want to stretch your finances too thin, especially in this economy.  Plus, you don’t want to be married, have a baby and then have to move around 3 or 4 times – so maybe it would be best to get established first = for him and you.  Hope it all works out πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss Co-Pilot:

Lol – sounds like pilots and chefs have more in common than I thought! πŸ˜‰  Type A all the way!  Good luck to you – I hope he starts to get into it πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well first, thanks for coming out of hiding and posting! 

I don’t think you’re being too hard on him, based on what you’re saying. I think it’s a lot better to be up front and clear on your expectations, and maybe cry it out a little compared to an alternative of quietly resenting him and getting angrier and angrier. I don’t know how you feel about a timeline, but you could ask him when he thinks you two will get married or when he will propose. I know a lot of people want to have certain things taken care of before they get married and “start a family,” but I also think sometimes it’s not right or fair to wait. Just make sure he knows why it’s important to you to get married. Maybe if he sees it from your perspective of making your relationship official, and that you love to support him, but its hard if you’re not married, etc, etc… then he might be more open to getting engaged/married. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hey there-

So I’m a little behind but from one co-pilot in life to another I thought I’d give you my own experience.  I think around the 2 year mark we went through this same thing.  And we talked about it.  I get all excited that he’s coming home and think he should spend all that time with me.  But what I failed to realize is that he has other people that is wanting to spend time with him.  I know you probably realize that as I know that I did too but I just wanted him to spend it with me.  Selfish I know.  But what I asked him to do was to give me more of a heads up that he is going to spend time with his friends or family rather then wait to the day of.  This way I’d be able to get it in my head that I wouldn’t be seeing him right when he landed but later in the day.  And also so that I could make plans with others.

As for the waiting on the marriage thing.  I remember having this convo around the same time frame of 2 years.  He told me that he wanted to to wait until we were 40 to get married.  I was 29 at the time and I told him that he needed to find a 20 year old because not many women my age are going to wait another 10 years.  Pilots are logical as you know.  Give him some time.  He’ll realize that yes, there will always be $$ problems.  Every time he upgrades to a different aircraft, goes from right seat to left seat there will be a pay decrease so if you constantly waited around on the $$ thing we’d never get anywhere.  He’ll chat it up with other pilots and he’ll come to the same reasoning.  

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@sassy411: I have to second this- I wouldn’t move period until the commitment has been made on his part. You are the only one planning and saving- what is he doing. Some men can be all talk and no action, so I would want to see some action before moving any forward- WELCOME!

Post # 11
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I did move to another country for my BF (now fiance) – and it was a tough choice because we were not engaged at the time. We did talk beforehand & I flat out asked him if we were on the same page about our relationship leading to marriage and he said it was, but we did not discuss timeline. I was lucky because I had work lined up when I went there, so I was not giving up my career, luckily, if it didn’t work out. It was still a gamble. It worked out for me, but we had tears and fights because I was insecure because we didn’t get engaged right away and I didn’t know if he was going to stay true to his word. I would have a talk with him about timelines, goals, etc, and try to get some kind of work lined up or have some back up plan if it doesn’t work out. Love is always a gamble! Only you know deep down if your man is going to be true to his word or just string you along… good luck!

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