Post # 1
There are just over 3 weeks to the wedding, and I’m ready to pull my hair out over my FI’s family.
He comes from a large family (his mom is one of 8 and his dad is one of 9), and when we calculated everything for the guest list we realized only his first round of family (aunts, uncles, first cousins) was well over 100 people. He is not close with a majority of those people either–only a few sets of the aunts/uncles and their kids. So when we made the guest list we decided to only invite the parents, not the kids (his cousins) other than a very select few.
So, to my surprise, I get a reply card two days ago for an aunt and uncle for 7 people. WHAT??? FIVE EXTRA PEOPLE?! My FI isn’t even sure of the NAMES of the invited kids. But yet, he wants to leave them on there, just because he’s worried it will cause a “rift” in his family if we don’t allow them to come. These are essentially strangers!
I’m inclined to not let them come, first because it’s a big expense, second because it’s not really fair–why should they get to bring whomever they want when everyone else doesn’t? I’m sure the phone call will be awkward, but if you explain the situation (heck, even blame it on my side of the family!) I don’t see how it would cause a “rift” within the family.
What would you do? Am I being unreasonable for not letting it slide?
Post # 3
We had the same problem – my mom comes from 7 my dad from 9. my husbands dad from 7 and his mom from 6. so we did the exact same thing that you are doing – we invited the aunts and uncles but not the cousins (Except for a very very select few of 1st cousins who we were very close with. I had one reply card with extra people on it so I just sent an email out to that family that said something like: “We were so excited to receive your reply the other day in the mail. Unfortunately due to such large families on both side and a small budget we were unable to incorporate all of the cousins. We hope that you will still be a part of our special day”.
I dont remember the exact wording but it was something like that. The thing is (and i know from having such big families) if you let one do it then it is completely unfair to the rest and that was something that we had to deal with as well.
i almost forgot – the result – that particular family replied and said that they were not able to make it. I was okay with that – I had a great day. the people who loved me where there and I married the man I love. I know its tough getting through this process but I guarantee you’ll get through it and then you will be able to relax. Good luck with everything!
Post # 4
same thing here. my granny is one of 10 so i invited all of her sisters and brothers but only a few of their children (my parents age) and none of the 2nd cousins (my age). drama insued. i got 1 rsvp for +15. i got another for +7. i had my granny tell them no. they got angry and didnt come at all, but no biggie b/c i barely know these people. they were curtesy invites to my grandma’s sisters + brothers. nothing more. a few months ago, i wasnt invited to one of their weddings. again, who cares. i wouldnt recognize most of these people.
Post # 5
I do not come from a large family and neither does my FH, but I cannot imagine what would make a person think it’s ok to send an RSVP with a +15!!!!!!!! THATS RIDICULOUS!!!!!