Post # 1
Both FI and I always thought we’d want kids someday but both of us are now more and more on the fence (me moreso than him at the moment). FI’s sister had a baby two years ago and is now going through a messy divorce and a couple of friends have had babies and are now splitting.
I know that having children puts stress on a marriage and for us we already have too much stress going on. Our relationship isn’t quite stable yet and we’re still working to better ourselves and our communication.
Right now FI’s job is so stressful he is almost always ready to snap at the pressure so we’ve been fighting a lot and it’s really made me realize how much I don’t want to have kids in case this is what we’re in for as far as stress fighting.
I know that neither of us will be home much as we’ll both work in the medical field. Some days he leaves at 6:30am and doesn’t get home until 7pm. Average is 6:30am-6:00pm. For me I’ll be working shift work and most likely start at midnights.
I just can’t justify having a child and never seeing it. Neither of our families would be able to help with child care so we’d be looking at spending a fortune at daycare and not seeing our child until 7pm when we would put them to sleep and that would be it.
So I’d like some support from you ladies, and to hear why you chose to be child free!
Post # 3
I find the act of child-rearing tedious and uninteresting. DH and I would have less time for each other, and right now, our relationship is seriously perfect. I don’t want to wait 20 years for the children to be grown to start enjoying my marriage again.
Post # 4
@SoupyCat: I agree, I’ve seen the statistics where happiness drops after having a kid and doesn’t go back up until the kid moves out! GAH that sounds so terrible.
Post # 5
@kayberry: Right, it sounds like some kind of self imposed punishment to me. And who knows if we’ll all be around that long or have the physical capability to enjoy it! Plus, when I want to be around kids, I have family and friends with little ones of all ages.
Post # 6
We’re on the fence as well but leaning towards no kids. Neither of us want to leave our career and we barely have enough time to get everything done now and will have a lot less time if we have a kid. People tell us that once we are older (we are 23 & 24) we will want them but I’m not sure if our feelings will change as we get older. I guess if one of us decides to give up our career we’ll consider kids more seriously but at this point our kids would spend more time in daycare than with us so I don’t see a reason to have them.
Post # 7
@SoupyCat: Agreed. I feel like it would be nice at times, but I wouldn’t want a kid around all the time. I like my ‘me’ time, I like relaxing after work, not coming home to more work.
Just being around FI’s niece is tiring and wearing after a while and it’s hard to imagine having to entertain a two year old ALL THE TIME. Plus not having nice things and constantly working even when you’re not at work.
I love kids but I’m still waiting for the point where our cat will stop being a jerk and getting up on and ruining things so I can have nice things… lol
Post # 8
@MrsBeck: Agreed – our kids would be at daycare more than they would be with us. Neither of us would give up our careers – I haven’t even finished school yet to start one.
FI wants to have kids AS SOON as I’m done school and I’ve already told him no to that. I can’t imagine having a kid before I’ve even started working a REAL job.
Post # 9
My husband and I will not be having children together. I’ve never wanted to dedicate 18+ years of my life to a child. I have no desire to pass along my genes to a child or see what “our” baby would look like. I’m terrrified of being pregnant and have a phobia of needles.
I love my dogs and my 2 stepdaughters (both young adults now) and most of all my husband. And I firmly believe that a family of 2 is as much a “family” as a family of 3, 4, etc.
Plus, I’ll be a grandma in the next 5-7 years so I’ll get my baby-fix that way.
Post # 10
@Miss Mauverick: Haha that’s great! Baby fix and then they go home!
See for us we both wanted children.. but.. now more and more I’m leaning the other way. Which is hard for both of us because FI still wants children but is leaning the other way – just not as much.
Post # 11
I’ve never wanted kids, never had baby fever, etc., so it’s just something that really didn’t interest me. I personally feel I’m too selfish for a kid; I like to spend money on me and my husband, sleep in, have nice things, freedom to do what we want, etc. I think it takes a special kind of person to be a parent, and I’m not trying to be one of them lol.
Post # 12
@housebee: lol aww I know those feelings. I love sleep. I’m sorry, I am so miserable and cranky without it I don’t think I could handle being a mother. I like sleeping in, coming home from work and putting on PJs and just lounging. Etc etc
Post # 13
@kayberry: I like my ‘me’ time, I like relaxing after work, not coming home to more work.
That’s a great point, and I see it the exact same way.
FH and I are both equally on the fence about children, and TBH the cons are much more convincing than the pros.
Post # 14
@kayberry: The big reason H and I don’t want kids is because we both have mental illnesses, his being more severe (autism) and I don’t want to be naive about how hard raising a child with autism can be. Our families have histories of autism, schizophrenia, and depression. My mom had post-partum depression after she had me.
Our moms were terrible in the emotions department, so that kind of scarred us. Like if we did have a kid, we would never leave them alone with either of our moms. For me, I’m really afraid that I will just continue the cycle, though I have done a lot of work to better myself.
We also both just love each other very much to the point where the idea of having to split time with someone else, even a kid, doesn’t sound all that great. But maybe we’ll change our minds in the future.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum
I felt the same, I loved my life and relationship. I am now the new mum of a 5 day old baby and am seriously loving every minute, as is my husband.
Post # 16
@kayberry: I have always lacked a maternal instinct. I have never liked children, nor have I ever truly wanted them; the only time I tought I did was when I didn’t really realise it was a choice, bizarre as that sounds.
I’ve been off the fence for about 18 months now, and there’s no going back. I have realised that having children is a choice, it isn’t just ‘something people do’, and that it isn’t a choice I ever want to make. The thought of having children makes me feel sick and panicky: that’s all the confirmation I need that I’m making the right choice. I just do not see the appeal, at all.