Post # 1
Our friends had a wedding/reception a month or so ago, and we were very undertandably not close enough to be invited. Now they are having a bigger picnic with their friends to celebrate, and we were included on the evite and facebook invite. What is the right amount gift for this situation? I have no registry information for them.
I don’t know how weird they would feel about a sort of distant friend bringing them cash at a picnic or if it’s kind of expected like at a reception.
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Melini.
Post # 2
Melini: I don’t think gifts are “required” outside of the actual wedding and shower. Even then, I tell my guests their presence is my present! So definitely not necessary, but I am sure anything you gift them they will really appreciate!
Post # 3
I don’t understand people that do this. Seems like a gift grab, just bring a bottle of wine.
Post # 4
Ew. So, so gift-grabby.
I would give them a stack of Monopoly money with a note that said ‘Since I wasnt invited to your real reception I thought it was only appropriate to not give you a real gift.Congratulations!!’
Post # 5
For a picnic where you’re invited by evite, a bottle of wine is the right level of gift, and a nice card.
Post # 6
I agree with a bottle of wine and a card but I really hate the catty judginess of some of the responses. Maybe this couple celebrated with their closest family and friends for their wedding and reception to keep the cost down? And maybe now they want to share their celebration with the less close family and friends. I see nothing wrong with this at all. And I don’t see it as “gift grabby” because it’s not like they included their registry info in the evite/Facebook invite.
Even just a nice card with some handwritten well wishes would be a lovely gift, OP.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I eloped. I plan on having a big “reception” party with alllll my friends and family in the future. There will be no registry information because I won’t be registered. I can’t speak to your friends specifically, but not every party is an inherent gift grab. Show up, be gracious, bring a bottle of wine or a card, and enjoy yourself.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s necessary to give a gift, but a bottle of wine of gc to a restaurant is a nice token gift.
Post # 9
I don’t think this is gift grabby at all. They couldn’t afford a large reception but want to celebrate still at a lower cost. I would bring a $50 gift card to Bed bath and beyond. If you go, you have to bring something. If you don’t want to go the gift card/cash route then I think a bottle of champagne to celebrate their marriage!
Post # 10
Every couple has to draw the line somewhere on their guestlist. I am perfectly comfortable with not being invited to attend their ceremony/reception, but joining them for a casual celebration at a later date.
I decide on the gift amount based on my relationship with the couple and the amount I can afford-period. I use the same factors when deciding on birthday gifts. I also would have sent them a gift anyhow in this case, so to me it is not at all gift-grabby.
Post # 11
My view? Stop viewing this as a commercial transaction. They’re your friends, they got married. Do you want to celebrate this happy occasion with them? Yes? Go to party.
Do you want to send them on their way into this new life they are embarking on together? Yes? Give them a gift. Whatever gift you like.
Post # 12
Melini: doesn’t sound like they want gifts, just bring a bottle of vino and a nice card.
Post # 13
ren89: IMO, you can choose to celebrate your wedding with anyone you want, but you can’t really have it both ways. If you choose to have a fancy real reception with a few people you shouldn’t then have a fake low key reception with more people. I can only see 2 reasons why people do this:
A they want to celebrate with more people. IMO, in this case they should have forgone fancy reception for the low key one they can obviously afford since they are throwing it anyway. This way there isn’t this confusion and hurt feeling over being essncially invite to a fake reception.
B. For gifts.
Post # 14
rachel85: This is a different situation. 1 ceremony or elopment and 1 reception even a year after is fine. I think it’s ok as long as you did not have a reception before. Once you’ve already celebrated I think it is in poor tast to keep celebrating with others.
Post # 15
Thanks for the feedback. I went with a bottle of Port and a card and had a great time reconnecting with them. I’m sure they were not going for a gift grab, just an excuse to have friends to their home as a married couple. My original quesiton was sparked by my concern that out of place generosity can make people just as uncomfortable (or more) than stinginess.