Cell phone privacy and relationships…would this bother you?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

My husband does have complete access to my phone/email/facebook and vice versa, so it’s not an issue for us.  We’re best friends, we share everything, and that’s just how our relationship works.  Outside of our relationship, I’m fairly private with other people, so it’s nice to have someone at home that knows everything about me and that I can talk/share with openly.  Other relationships are different though, but I think as long as you’re both clear on boundaries, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 4
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

BurlapnLace:  I have nothing to hide from my DH so I wouldn’t care if he saw it. He could scroll through all my texts and it would probably be boring for him b/c a lot of them are work related. I do have to password protect it (for work) and I’ve given him the code before, not sure if he remembers it or not, though. 

I leave myself logged in to my email, facebook on my desktop computer at home, so if he wanted to, he could look through those too. But again, nothing to hide . . . 

Post # 5
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

BurlapnLace:  I have nothing to hide from my FI (apart from the usual wedding secrets) and pretty much tell him everything anyway so not sure there would be any text convos or whatever that he hasn’t already heard about (apart from the boring ones)… but I still wouldn’t want him to have full access or to be in a situation where he would potentially have to go through everything in my phone/emails etc, equally I’d feel like I was prying if I had to go through his. We might be a couple but we’re still individuals and I just think there’s a line between hearing about stuff and reading my private emails/texts etc

Post # 6
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I wouldn’t like him having full access (and he doesn’t), but that’s less because of anything I send and more of what people send me.  Some conversations between me an dfriends/family are private for a reason.

Post # 8
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d rather not give my DH the responsibility of wiping my phone because he’s likely to do something terrible and terminal to it! I have no fear about him seeing anything on my phone because, to be honest, we don’t pry but we do have 100% trust. But he is a phone technophobe so heaven only knows what sort of a lash up he’d make of this particular job!

Post # 9
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

BurlapnLace:  yes it would bother me although DH would never do such a thing. I am an attorney and get a lot of texts from mutual friends discussing private/legal matters. Its not so much my privacy, my phone also has a lot of third party private matters. No nude pics from ex boyfriends, sexting etc

Post # 10
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

BurlapnLace:  I guess I just don’t notice other guys (not judging, I’m just seriously clueless when it comes to noticing guys lol), so something like that wouldn’t really come up.  Since I don’t work, all of the surprises I do get for my husband are DIY, so there’s no vendor emails or receipts or anything like that to keep away from him.  Like I said, each relationship is different, so as long as you’re both on the same page with boundaries, I think you’ll be ok.

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

 

BurlapnLace:  I would be the same as you, panic! Everything you described(occasional rant about FI to my sister, cheeky pics between friends)I’ve got on my phone, and potentially a couple of old conversations between myself and male friends which he could maybe take the wrong way(nothing out of order, but I would be p*ssed if he was even talking to females who weren’t good friends on private message, so I suppose he would be pissed at me too), to the people who let their FI’s read their emauils, texts, facebook etc, good for you and great if that works, but I still feel I have the right to some privacy, definitely don’t want to become an extension of each other in every way.

Post # 12
Member
2197 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

No. It wouldn’t bother me. I might get a little embarrassed if he saw all the research I do on trying to conceive. We are trying, and he knows I look up info. I think the amount of info might scare him! LOL But I never say anything inappropriate to friends/family that I wouldn’t say to him. 

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

BurlapnLace:  I have nothing to hide from my DH but we don’t feel the need to go through each other’s phones either. If he wanted to he could but we don’t. I wouldn’t really want him to read all of my texts or emails because it’s just awkward having someone read your private conversations with others.. so i do understand how you feel! 

Post # 14
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

BurlapnLace: It’s funny that you mention this because I am kind of the same way. I have absolutely nothing to hide from my FI – haven’t so much as looked at another man since we’ve been together. I leave my phone out around him all the time, even when I’m in the other room, so he could theoretically peek through it any time he wanted. But for some reason the scenario you mentioned would make me uncomfortable, too! I think it’s just a matter of privacy. I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Post # 15
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

BurlapnLace:  Neither my FI or I have any passcodes on any of our devices. There was never a concious discussion or decision. We don’t share everything, but I just don’t particularly care if he went through my phone, but I trust that he wouldn’t without my permission. And I’m not saying I have nothing to hide, either. I am known to vent about little fights we have or his MOTHER to my best friend or my sister, so if he stumbled upon those there might be hurt feelings or an argument. There was one time in particular when I was cooking and my phone went off, so I asked FI to see who texted me, and it was my friend responding to a text I sent her, complaining about FI’s mom. He read the text out loud and then started backing up and read the rest of the texts and gave me a look. I was a little embarrassed that he saw me saying not-so-kind things about his mother, but that was the end of it. As soon as I told him there were wedding dress pictures on my phone and on a (private) Facebook group with my bridesmaids, he has handled my phone like a bomb that might go off any minute. 

I see nothing wrong with having privacy in a relationship. I don’t judge those who have passcodes or never use their SO’s devices without their express permission. If FI had been like that from the start, then I probably would have fallen into that type of mindset with him, but FI had been open from the start, I had been open from the start, and now, it’s not unusual to find him on my computer, on my phone playing Candy Crush, etc. I just trust that he isn’t going through my emails, searching through old texts, or reading my Facebook messages. 

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