- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
How about asking your officiant for ideas? Maybe they've had to deal with similiar considerations in previous weddings he/she's done.
If there are any sections of the bible or readings that you're still fond of for secular reasons, maybe you can that read aloud during the ceremony? Some of David's songs sound more secular than religious...
This was my situation exactly! We found readings to use on Indie Bride. There's a great (super long) thread there with tons of non-religious ceremony reading inspirations.
Someone posted a wonderful statement they used in their ceremony, but now I can't remember it! It was an explanation of why they chose a secular ceremony, and it was beautiful.
I second asking your officiant. I'd also scour the internet for passages on the meaning of marriage, family, etc, and find ones that fit you as a couple.
I have been to a couple of weddings like this, and they can become really wonderful personalized events. What I have liked at many is when they take common religious events and then turn them into their own. For example in the traditional Indian hindu ceremony, there are seven steps that you take to vows said in Sanskrit (i.e. no one knows what anyone is talking about). My cousin took the meaning behind all of these, and wrote vows that encapsulated his relationship with his now wife along the same lines of the vows normally said. For you, perhaps instead of focusing on finding a strength in your marriage from God and the church, you can talk about finding strength from your family and heros. It's a great way to pay tribute to those people most important and influential to you on your day.
My fiance is a hard-core atheist (I call him a card-carrying atheist), so I knew when we were meeting with our wedding officiant that I wanted to find a happy ground between absolutely NO mention of spirituality and faith and still having a very meaningful ceremony. And it's fairly easy to do - as many have reccomended, definetly talk to your officiant about it (if you have one yet), they should have some great ideas to help you.
As a wedding celebrant myself, I've done many, many weddings for couples who were atheists but wanted a more traditional ceremony without the mention of God or a higher power to appease their family. The real key is to concentrate on your relationship, and your commitment to each other, instead of concentrating on making God or a higher power specifically part of your relationship and commitment. Many rituals and ceremonies within a wedding (sand ceremony, wine box or wine ceremony, unity candle, handfasting, circle of love, etc) can be easily re-imagined to not include any mention of spirituality or God. One of my suggestions is to follow a traditional outline for the wedding ceremony, which enables your family members to easily "follow along" with what is going on, and not get too confused or disoriented.
In the end, I think a wedding should be much more about the couple being married and much less about any over-arching spiritual dogma or beliefs. If you have any other questions about personalizing or creating your ceremony, feel free to check out my blog posts on Weddingbee PRO, some that deal with atheist weddings, my website, or send me a private message! I love to chat about weddings!
see Mrs Cherry pie for a good inclusive part regarding equal rights.
RUNNING to indie bride now b/c i have to finish our ceremony TODAY! 19 days left, sheeesh.
We had a completely secular ceremony, but the format was pretty traditional. I'm sure people noticed that there was nothing religious in it, but I don't think they thought of it as "atheist." We didn't have any readings, so I can't help with that, but I think that if you loosely follow a traditional wedding ceremony but modify the wording to be something you're comfortable with, it should go over pretty well with your guests.
Oh oh oh! So many good ideas! Thank you all! We have an officiant who is a spiritual humanist and often does secular and humanistic ceramonies, but I am always looking for different ideas :) I love the idea of doing a circle of love, perhapes with stones of cut wildflowers for us...thank you all!
@ Rosiebear- I was born and raised in Somerville, MA! Lived there for 21 years before leaving for law school. Right by Conway Park off of Central St. So nice to see another Somerville Bee!
Mine was completely secular, as well. I used Robert Fulughms "Union" to open, and we wrote our own promises (went back and forth with an "I Promise...") then I took the traditional vows and changed them some. Just cut and mix and mash your own together!!
Thanks to whoever posted about Indie Bride! My FI and I are writing our ceremony now (and we really don't have much time left) - and the hardest part about it is that I'm Episcopal and he's a "card-carrying aetheist" too. So I will definitely check out the site!
We had a very basic ceremony. We didn't really want anything religious in it. My ceremony is posted at : http://snowflakeswedding.blogspot.com/2009/11/our-wedding-ceremony.html
@PeytonL79 - I told my fiance I described him as a card carrying atheist, and now he wants me to make him a card :)
All - here are some of my favorite wedding reading resources.
http://www.todays-weddings.com/planning/readings.html
http://www.weddingyellowpages.net/articles/romantic_wedding_readings.php
Offbeat Bride: http://offbeatbride.com/2008/07/wedding-readings
Indie Bride: http://kvetch.indiebride.com/index.php?t=msg&th=2271&start=0&rid=0&S=2158b7874f2408cc6340d4e86cb7e151
My fiance and I are both atheists, but we're in a very small majority among our families and friends. We're including a moment in our ceremony where our officiant will offer people a quiet time to say prayers from their own faith, or simply wish us well, or daydream or whatever. We think it will be a nice way for our guests to include their own beliefs in a our wedding. Everyone we've spoken to about it seems very appreciative!
I just wanted to mention too that my FMIL is refusing to call our wedding a wedding because of our choice to have a non-religious ceremony. She calls it our civil ceremony and party. Breaks my heart.
I just wanted you to be prepared for some flak. But honestly, when it comes down to it, the Mr. and I are making the right choice for us and that's what truly matters.
omg you should totally have the hand ceremony then!
Here’s how it works:
You and your beloved face each other. First join your right palms, and then your left palms. This forms an infinity symbol with your hands, which symbolizes a love that will go on forever.
Begin with the sentiment that Shakespeare said, “Now join your hands, and with your hand’s your hearts.”
Then the couple looks into one another’s eyes. There are a number of written/spoken blessings that can be used. Here is one very popular hand blessing that seems to be all over google:
These are the hands of your best friend. They are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief wracks your mind.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
May these hands always reach out with love, tenderness and respect.
May these hands continue to build a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.
With eyes locked, and hands linked, this ritual is a beautiful symbol of the union of two hearts, two lives, and two souls.
great huh? were using something similar for our wedding.. because my FHs family is Jehovahs witness, and my family are Baptists
we didnt want to offend anyone!
The Handfasting ritual is so beautiful and symbolic, and I have never seen it done at any wedding I have attended! I think we are going to look into including it in our ceramony. @Boston Bee, Somerville ROCKS! We live off of School St, just a couple blocks from city hall on the Winter Hill side. I am originally from rural Vermont, but I really enjoy living in Somerville :) Awesome city!
We've had lots of drama over this with our families so I second LittleOctopus' warning to be prepared for some snipes and just stay strong together if you get criticism. Our officiant is wonderful and is helping us construct a humanist ceremony. We've also found Judith Johnson's book, "The Wedding Ceremony Planner: the Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of your Wedding Day" to be VERY helpful.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
Hello All,
My FI and I are secular humanist atheists formally raised in the Catholic faith. We want a secular ceremony that reflects our values and beliefs (importance of family, human connection, nature conservation, love, etc). We, however, have many family members who belive in God and practice Christianity. Any ideas for incorperating spiritual elements in a secular ceremony without sacraficing our beliefs? Any other brides with faith systems vastly different from their families?