Challenging friend situation (Long, sorry!)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

This might be difficult since she’s avoiding you, but I think trying to talk with her about the changes you’ve noticed would be a good idea. 

If you do manage to talk to her about this, I think coming at this from a “Did I do something to upset you” angle rather than a “You’re acting so differently; what’s your problem” angle, might be helpful. People tend to clam up or say things they don’t really mean if they feel defensive, so approaching the talk from this angle could help her open up and be honest. 

I’m sorry she’s acting this way. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find out what’s going on with her and your friendship with her can get back on track. 

Post # 3
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I would start distancing myself. Honestly, sometimes people just grow apart and I wouldn’t waste too much of my time with someone who clearly is opposed to everything I said.

And as a side note, having a dog is like having a perpetual toddler. They’re always running around knocking shit over, having to clean up poop, sometimes getting up in the middle of the night, trying to keep them from putting things in their mouths. I’m not saying it’s identical to having a child, but taking care of a puppy definitely made me put off having a baby for a little bit lol

Post # 4
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

robin2015:  I doubt that you have anything to do with it. My first thought is that there is something going on her life that is causing her to be upset. Can you contact her and tell her you are concerned about her, and ask if there is anything going on? Does she need someone to talk with?

Post # 5
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm. It sounds like she’s on a bit of a high-horse. Like she’s married, you’re not, she understands relationships and families, and you don’t. Kind of like some weird sense of entitlement now that she’s married.

I’d distance myself and give it time, and if she comes around that would be great. But if she keeps this attitude up, then it’s her loss.

Post # 6
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

robin2015:  Often times, if someone is ignoring an “innocent” text “hey, what’s up”– they will eventually respond if you finally ask the hell is going on (however you’d like to put it in your own words)– some people are too passive to bring it up thier problem with someone on thier own (I find this really annoying)- and they are literally waiting and hoping you will ask them.

I’d be upfront with her– if she won’t take a phone call- make sure she still has the same phone number (just in case)- and either text or email her.

If she chooses to not respond- I don’t know what else you can do.

Hopefully it will jump start something though.

Don’t overthink it- you shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells- especially when you don’t have a clue as to what’s going on.

Post # 8
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

robin2015:  If she’s been ignoring you, there isn’t much that you can do besides give her space and hope she comes around eventually. Obviously she has some issue or problem that’s causing her to act this way. Not sure why she wouldn’t talk to you about it but some people are immature like that.

Post # 12
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

robin2015:  I suspect she is having problems in her marriage. It may be as simple as the LD causing her stress and shattering her expectations of what marriage is “supposed” to be. It could be much more major issues that she feels like she cant talk to anyone about (for fear of shattering everyone else’s image of her).

I would send one more text/email. “Is everything okay? It feels like you are distancing yourself from our friendship and I miss you. If you want some space, that’s okay. Just know I’ll always be here for you.” Then back off. Maybe 6 months to a year from now send a ‘just checking in’ text/email.

My BFF and I have had times where we drifted away from each other, only to drift back again.

Post # 13
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

KoiKove:  You said it perfectly!

Also, if she and her new husband are super religious, he might be telling her to distance herself from those that don’t follow what they do. Maybe in a dictating way, but maybe not. It might be more of a suggestion from him, and he is her husband, so she’s going to want to make him happy. Like KoiKove said, let her know you are thinking of her and miss her company, and let her know that you will always be there for her. If you end up drifting apart, that’s really sad, but it does happen. Just keep the line of communication open. You don’t know what she might be going through, and someday, she might need a true friend.

Post # 15
Member
492 posts
Helper bee

It sounds to me that all may not be going so well in her marriage so far.  If they are still in a long distance relationship, then that would be difficult.  She could be jealous that you are living with your partner, and are planning on having children soon.  I would message her and ask her if everthing is ok, as you noticed she was acting not like her usual happy self when you got together.  If she doesn’t respond, then her loss really.  It sounds like she has to prove to everyone that she is married and all is well, when it reality it probably isn’t.

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