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Change of Plans, POST RSVP

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
    1,250 posts
    Bumble bee
    LovestheBear    July 2011  

    Yes, horrible faux pas.  My SO and I have been planning on attending a wedding of a friend of his for the last year.  We've talked about it again and again, and everytime we talked about October 20th.  A few weeks ago the invitations arrived and the mister RSVP'd yes for both of us (he's so good!) and we thought nothing of it.  Mind you, I don't live with him, so I didn't see said invite.  Well, we were talking about our weekend plans for the next month or so, and he said he was coming home for October 10th (we're in a LDR).  I said "great!  you're coming to my cousin's bday party!" And he said, "No, for the weddding."  As it turns out the wedding is on the 10th and not the 20th. 

    In the meantime, I've been brought on to help plan my cousin's surprise party.  She's not just a cousin, she's basically my sister and my best friend, to be clear.  It's her 25th birthday and her boyfriend decided he wanted to throw a big party to celebrate.  And, the party is on October 10th (shocker, I know).  So here I am, either a rude guest or a bad sister.  I want to be friends with the bride and groom in the future--he's my SO's good friend from college and I think she's great, plus, I would love to be friends with other Army wives.  On the other hand, I love my cousin and I don't want to upset her.  So I've decided to ask my SO to call the couple and let them know that I will not be able to attend.  Ugh, I'm sorry if that's offensive to anyone planning a wedding but I don't know what else I could do.  (The party is in CT and the wedding is in VA, so there's no splitting it up.)

    Anyway, I would like to do something nice for the bride and groom, because I really am disappointed that I can't go.  (Kinda still hoping something happens and I can go, but that's not gonna happen.) Any ideas?  If you were disappointed by guests changing their response last minute, is there anything you wish they would have done or said?

     
    2.
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsDuff    8/28/2009   Bloomington, MN

    I really don't think it's necessarily that big of a deal if your SO calls right now and changes his # attending. The wedding is over three weeks away so that should be plenty of time for them to adjust any catering #s or seating charts.

    It's a reasonable explanation so there is nothing to feel bad about. If you want to do something nice for them, maybe offer to take them out for dinner a month or so after the wedding. I  personally would have loved if one of the people who wasn't able to make it offered to do that for us since it kind of keeps the celebration going. ;)

     
    3.
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    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I think the biggest thing would be to call so she can rearrange seating charts and not include you in the dinner count.

    Perhaps you could take the new couple out to dinner to celebrate the marriage and express to them your regret in not being to witness the happy event.  It's more important that your FI be there.

     
    4.
    Member
    6,086 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    The fact that your SO is still going is GREAT and I think they will be very thankful to still have one of you coming to the wedding!

     
    5.
    Hostess
    2,606 posts
    Sugar bee
    rosychicklet    September 27, 2008   Boston, MA

    I think as long as you are apologetic and let them know before they need to submit the final numbers to the caterer, you're good.

    I had a couple of guests have to cancel last minute and the thing that pissed me off the most was that they waited until the last minute and I'd already paid for them!

     

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