(Closed) Changing mind about babies

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

We talked through all eventualities before we got engaged.  I did not want us to be on seperate pages when the wedding was over.  I knew I wanted at least one little one in my life.  Didn’t matter if it was via adoption or biological, just needed us to agree on having one.

Post # 4
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Whether or not to have children is a touchy subject for some couples.  I would really make sure you are on the same page about this one before you get married.  If he’s not even open to the possibility, this could be a huge strain. 

Post # 5
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@rbauzo: Ditto!

I think you two need to be on the same page before you get married or else this could cause a strain on your marriage. I would talk to him and see if he is at all open to the idea of children or if it’s an complete no.

Post # 6
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Soon2BMawied:I think this is touchy.I would discuss this with him and see what his true thoughts and desires are. Having children is not something you want to be undecided about.

Post # 8
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Soon2BMawied: I agree with everyone, you should def.  have that conversation with your SO just to make sure that you both are on the same page. That can possibly cause huge problems down the long run..

Good Luck to you!

Post # 9
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Soon2BMawied:Ok, you are seeking women with husbands that believed he did not want kids and for some reason a child is now in his life and he is a care taker. You want to know how he has adjusted based on others that have experienced this? Right?

Post # 10
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

He needs to know that you are having those pangs though.  It could save you both a lot of hurt later on.

Post # 11
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Mrs. DG: Agree!

While you may decide you don’t want kids and this pang may go away, I think it’s worth discussing with him so you guys can be upfront and honest with each other. That way, you’ll have an idea of what you would do if you decided you did want kids and what his feelings might be.

Post # 12
Member
1264 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that if you’re married and therefore probably having sex with your DH you need to be open to the possibility of children, whether it be planned or unplanned.  Unfortunately no contraception is 100% effective all the time so accidents do happen!

Definitely talk to your DH about your feeling cos you never know, he might be rethinking his stance as well!

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

When my husband and I got married we were hell bent on not having children. ==

 I’m not sure what happened, but my husband lamented he never saw himself having children but now he can’t see himself not having them. He’s excited to teach them things and raise them “right” (whatever that means 🙂 I agree with him. We won’t be getting pregnant anytime soon- but in the next few years most definitley. You need to talk to your partner about it, maybe he feels differently as well. It’s important to be on the same page.

Post # 14
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

 I think it’s likely if you’re 27 now and consider having children, that by your late 30s you are even more likely to want them. 

Post # 15
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’ve always known I’ve wanted kids, so I can’t say I’m in the same situation. BUT if you are starting to change your mind, perhaps he is too. Especially since he is so good with kids and since you’ve both said you’d be “open to discussion” if the other person changes their mind. I think it’s pretty common to not want kids when you are younger, but then to open up to the idea as we age. Best of luck!

Post # 16
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had my son when I was 23 and straight out of college.  So of course my situation is a little different.  Anywho, my son is almost 12 years old.  I feel like I am almost done with my job as a parent.  I was pretty dead set on not having any more kids.  The idea of starting over and no sleep, they are noisy and you have to do everything for them…etc…etc…  I’ll be 35 next month and my FI will be 35 in November.  I definitely wasn’t going to have any other children before I got married.  There will be almost 14 years difference between my kids.  My FI does want children.  We’ve talked about it and talked about it.  I have softened my stance.  I joke and tell him if we have kids together that they will be his because mine is almost grown.  I had the unfortunate additional guilt trip from his dad too.  My FI is an only child.  His dad kept hinting at wanting grandchildren but he “understood” it was our decision.  So if God blesses us, he blesses us, but not until after the wedding.

If he’s open to the discussion, I think it’s best to talk to him about your feelings.  You never know, he may have softened his perspective as well.  Also, life is ever evolving, and we are all reluctant to travel down the unfamiliar paths.  Being a parent is a huge responsibility that scares most people.  I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see some male friends that were against marriage and family turn to absolute mush when their children are born.   

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