Post # 1
My fiancee told me he would like our family to share the same lastname. So, I am thinking about changing my lastname to his family name after we get married.
I like his lastname and I would like our family to have a common lastname as well. But I am european and he is asian so I am not sure about changing my lastname to an asian one. Since people will be expecting an asian woman everytime they hear or read my lastname situations can get a little funny. Also it may be annoying having to explain my lastname to every new person I meet.
What do you think about this? Is weird for a non-asian person having an asian lastname? Somebody in the same situation? Would you change your lastname to another ethnicity one?
Post # 3
I married a half Hispanic man (Peruvian). My new last name is not a standard hispanic name, I don’t mean to generalize but it’s not Lopez or anything like that. However it has a letter “N” in it that has a tilde and in hispanic culture is pronounced as a N then followed with a “Y” sound. Kind of like the way the double “L’s” are in tortilla. (This is way hard to explain in writing LOL) Anywho, my husband doesn’t pronounce his name in a traditional hispanic way. He pronounces the “N” with no y sound. Well every time I give a hispanic person my last name they correct me, so that I say it with the “y” sound. So now if they are hispanic I pronounce it with the “y” sound, but over the phone how do you know? Sometimes people get snotty with me and one time an older lady looked at my hubby and started talking to him about how he should have taught me how to pronounce it before we got married. Needless, to say she spoke to him in Spanish, which he doesn’t speak, and I then explained it to her in Spanish that I speak more Spanish than he does.
Post # 4
I think this is pretty normal, but people might still ask sometimes.
Post # 5
@mwitter80 That’s funny, I am actually from Spain. I guess his lastname contains the “ny” as for example “alemany”Am I right? My lastname is actually Italian because my father side comes from Italy. So a lot of people can’t guess my ethnicity from it anyways. I am thinking having an Asian one might be even more confusing that right now Haha
@amyisnice It would be fine if prople ask sometimes but I am guessing they will ask all the time 🙁
thanks for replying 🙂
Post # 6
This makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where he meets “Donna Chang” who ends up being a white woman. LOL
I don’t think you should worry about it. IF you want to take his name, do it!
Post # 7
I have a professor whose last name is Guitierrez and she is very, very white. It might surprise some people, but hey! It could be fun, haha.
If people get snotty about it (I don’t see why they would), you could do what my mom does with our last name (which is something very ridiculous and very long and very German). Laugh it off and say “It’s my husband’s fault!”
Post # 8
If they ask, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want too. Name changes are pretty common, so I bet a lot of people you know won’t think twice about it.
As for me, everyone thinks my Darling Husband and I are both asian because of his last name. His family is actually from Portugal and when they came to the US they shortened the last name so people could say it. So now? We get, “Wow! you’re not asian!!” a lot.
Post # 9
I’m Asian and changing my name to a German name. I don’t think people will think twice about it or question it, especially if you’re wearing your wedding ring.
Post # 10
I think lots of people have gone through this before… and I think this is okay to post since she’s not a ‘secret’ and uses this name professionally, but this is Mrs Penguin:
Her name? Cathleya Schroeckenstein
She wrote about the name/face mismatch here:
Strange, You Don’t Look Like A Penguin
Good luck with your decision!
ETA: And yes, this demonstrates how long I’ve been around the ‘bee and read every blog post… 😉
Post # 11
@Autumn85: My situation is exactly the same. I am caucasian and my husband has an Asian last name. I did change my name… I don’t see any problem with it. People may be a little surprised but who cares? Lots of people have mixed backgrounds so many people don’t match up in looks with the ethnicity of their last name. No one has acted shocked or confused at all, or needed an explanation. It was important to me to have a shared last name with my family so that is why I changed it. 🙂
Post # 12
@BackyardLoveBird: Oh that’s all I can think of too! If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it!
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You’d be surprised (1) how many people won’t ask you where your name comes from, and (2) how many people won’t care. Most of them will be able to figure it out without a conversation about it, and many of the rest won’t even think about it. No biggie.
Me, I’m South Asian girl with a Danish married name. People asked a lot more questions about the name that fit me than the name that doesn’t.
Post # 14
Same situation as the OP–for me, it’s less an issue of how his name “fits” me than I just don’t like the way it sounds with my first name. His surname is shorter than mine (four letters versus six), but both are names that people can’t figure out without having them spelled out, so not much of a benefit there, and they end in the same two letters so would sound ridiculous hyphenated (we joke about mashing them together into one six-letter name).
Fortunately he seems to be OK with the idea of me keeping my name (for the moment, anyway)–we are also older and most likely not having kids, too, which I suppose makes a difference.
By The Way, OP, come join us in this thread, sounds like we’d have lots to talk about!
Caucasion female with Asian male
Post # 15
If people ask… I would just say I married an Asian man. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. It may seem different since you’re changing other people’s names as well (I’m assuming children), but it’s really not a biggie in my opinion. Do what you’re comfortable with though!
Post # 16
I’m in a similar position with respect to changing my last name to another ethnicity that I clearly am not. I am by no means attached to my last name, and he is by no means pressuring me to change my last name (I think he’d rather get rid of his last name and take mine than mine to his).
I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal to have a mismatched last name, but I am not changing my last name more because of my work. I look too young to begin with, am in a position of authority and need to gain the respect of people of all ages and ethnicities. I am not changing my last name because I don’t want people to anticipate meeting Mrs. Whitelastname and in comes a girl that looks like she just graduated high school looking more like Junior Miss. Indianlastname (or whatever). From that 3 second first impression, they may be disappointed and it could potentially affect the relationships I develop with my clients at work.
Note though that I overall don’t care about my last name. If I felt strongly about changing it, I wouldn’t let my work influence me. But right now I don’t really care either way, so this is my excuse why I am not changing it.