Post # 1
Ok I need your opinions Bees. Should I change my name?
My identiy is tied to my last name…it is Italian and I love it…Pagano!!! My fiancés last name does not have that Italian heritage and actually is very unusual…Lonka. Also, his last name is not his original last name. It is his moms maiden name. He changed it from his dad’s last name to his moms last name 8 years ago because he had a major falling out with his dad. His last name is not technically the one being past along from generation to generation. So that bothers me a bit.
So my first name being Lara and my fiances last name (his moms maiden name) being Lonka, put me at Lara Lonka. I think it sounds funny.
To change it or not to change it? Ugh. I need opinions because I’m at a loss.
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
You could keep your last name and add his: Pagano-Lonka. What’s the tradition where you come from? In my home country it’s customary to keep your name the same after marriage.
Post # 3
Have you talked to him about him switching his last name to yours? Maybe he’ll consider it since he’s already switched his last name before.
Post # 4
I like the sound of Pagano-Lonka like the previous poster mentioned above. Best of both worlds- you get to keep your name and take his. And break up the sound of Laura Lonka 🙂
Post # 5
I’d keep your name if you don’t want to change it. He might want to take yours too, you never know.
In my social circle, almost all the married women kept their original name because they were either the last in their family to have it or it was tied to a professional career or they just didn’t see the reason to change. I kept mine and am happy to have done so. At least where I live, changing your name is falling out of fashion. Some couples both took on a hyphen of the two names – that’s kind of cute. I think if DH and I both didn’t have insanely long names we might have combined them.
Post # 6
Agreed, I would ask him how he feels about changing his name to yours if you want a shared family name. Lara Pagano sounds a lot nicer then Lara Lonka, I don’t blame you for feeling attached to it!
Post # 7
Have you considered making your maiden name your new, legal middle name? That will allow you to be Lara Pagano Lonka without having to hyphenate your last name. I made this type of name change, and it offers great flexibility. It allows a woman to use the “Mrs.” honorific with her new last name when she wants to do so, while enabling her to maintain continuity of her identity by using all three of her names when she so desires.
Post # 8
Thanks girls for all your responses/ideas. In my culture the husbands name gets past on, but since his last name is his mothers maiden name, I don’t feel bad keeping mine. Ill ask him how he feels about taking mine. But he is super close to his mom, so I doubt he will go for it. I have always imagined taking my hubby’s name, but I just can’t part with my italian name and change it to a Lara Lonka. I sound like I should be a TV reporter. Haha
Post # 9
I think that it is nice to have unity of one last name, especially if you are planning on having children. Also keep in mind that once you are married many people will call you Lara Lonka or Mrs. Lonka no matter what you make your legal last name.
I am in favor of Lara Pagano Lonka with Pagano as the new legal middle name. I think that it has a good ring to it as well, as Pagano IS a great italian name.
Post # 10
Lepagano: You could always both change your last name to Pagano-Lonka. Then neither of you would lose your name and you’d both have the same last name…
Post # 11
Thanks so much!! Unfortunately the guys I work with (I work with 95% men) have already begun making fun of the last name, Pagano-Lonka. I don’t want to battle it for the rest of my life. Haha.