- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I know there is a “names” board, but since it wasn’t just a simple name change question- and it’s only a consideration because I am getting married- I don’t know, it felt like it belonged in “family” more to me.
I am changing my last name when I get married. I haven’t decided if I am dropping my middle, making my maiden last name my new middle name- or just dropping my last name and keeping my first and middles, but taking my married last name. I’ll work that out.
But here’s a question- I am *considering* changing my son’s last name. Before anyone judges- know that this is just a consideration at this point, and know the history, please.
Right now, my son has his first name, middle name, and then a HYPHENATED last name. I want to drop his biologial father’s last name no matter. His dad is still in his life- sort of. He drops by when it’s convenient. He is an alcoholic, went to treatment last fall, but is drinking more than he has in a long time right now. It’s my FI who helps raise him, goes to school events/confrences, etc….. If my son’s father was a stable person- who was consistent, I would more than welcome HIM to do these things with my son as well. I don’t want to completely bad mouth him, but I don’t recieve child support- and he is too preoccupied with pretending to put his life together that doesn’t know how to be a stable dad.
My son loves my FI. They get a long well, and while I know my son is only five, he has expressed wanting to change last names. If we did go ahead and do this, his legal name would be one of 2 things- his first name, middle name, my MAIDEN last name as a SECOND middle name and then my FI’s last name as his last name. OR, I would drop his middle name. So it would be FIRST, MY MAIDEN (as his middle) and then FI’s LAST.
Let me also add that FI is going to adopt my son, and my son’s father has verbally granted permission, and will grant legal permission when the time comes.
I want to take my FI’s last name, and I know he wants me to. But part of me feels sad that I won’t have the same last name as my son. I don’t feel like I am breaching any sort of parental boundry with my son’s bio father in the least- (keep in mind he also has 3 kids from a previous relationship whom he sees but once a year).
I am looking for thoughtful opinions on this. No judgement, just thoughful opinions.
I am going to get my parents opinions, too. I already know my mom will tell me to drop bio father’s last name, but keep my maiden name as my son’s name- my parents are divorced, and strangely, my mom is obsessed with my dad’s last name. She kept it when they got divorced- she said it was because she wanted to have the same last name as her children, but she seems to think my last name carries some…..weight or something? It doesn’t. Yes, my family knows A LOT of people in the community, but we aren’t famous for anything….so she’s just a goof in my opinion.
I’m not sure what my dad’s take will be- but he’s usually pretty neutral- always thinks we should do what makes us happy. So he might be of no help. My FI is totally happy to have my son take his last name- but also isn’t ever going to be pushy about it or anything like that.