- 4 years ago
I know this has been discussed at length all over the blog, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on what to do with my name when I get married in a few weeks and I’d welcome any thoughts and advice.
I’m not going to hyphenate, because my name is long and difficult to spell, and his name is long and difficult to spell. I don’t really understand the value of keeping both names, because you still have to change everything over to the new last name anyway so what’s the difference? I’d either keep my last name, or swap it out for his.
I don’t have a compelling reason not to switch: I’m starting a new job right after the wedding, and I don’t have many publications or a client base that would make a name change difficult.
I don’t have a compelling reason to switch: My fiancee would really like me to, but he understands its my choice.
So really, I just strongly dislike the idea of giving up a piece of myself and my identity to the marriage, without the other person reciprocating. I think the tradition is old-fashioned, and it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside at all. I have no desire to be Mr. HisFirst HisLastName, and I hate seeing things addressed as Mr and Mrs HisFirst HisLastName in general.
But on the other hand, when we have kids, I don’t really want to have a different last name than the rest of the family. I appreciate the fact that we’re going to be a family together, and we should have a common family identity. And frankly, whether or not I change my last name officially, people will probably send us invitations as Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisLastName anyway so I just have to live with it anyway.
And I should make my decision now, because 1) I’m starting a new job and 2) We’re buying a house, so I can’t really put off the decision and see how I feel too long.
Any thoughts and advice would be super helpful! I know many of you are in the same boat.