Post # 1
When we got married I added my maiden name to my middle name and took DH last name as my new last name. So now I have first name, two middle names and DH’s last name. My middle name was only 3 letters but my legal first name is long. Now my DH and MIL hate it and have been giving me major grief and drama over it. So, I want to just drop the maiden name all together. I already have a New Drivers License and SS card. I changed my insurance and bank accounts but they only use my first and last name anyway.
So how do I do this? I live in California and I went on-line and download the name change forms. Just wonderng if there is an easier way.
Post # 3
Honestly, it sounds like a hassle, and it doesn’t sound like YOU want to change your name again. Why do your husband and especially his mother care what your middle name is? And why do you care what they think of your name?
Post # 4
Post # 5
Ok if I understand this correctly…
As an example, you were Sue Ann Jones then married Sam Smithworks, and became Sue Anne Jones Smithworks, adopting Jones as a middle name…
If you wished you could also be known as Sue Jones Smithworks… but in most cases folks will probably call you just Sue Smithworks as the norm here in North America is the default of calling people by their first and last names
So I don’t get it where is the issue ???
If I’ve worked thru all this correctly, you are exactly who you’d be after any potential name change… Sue Smithworks.
I mean really, your DH and Inlaws are upset that you’ve retained your maiden family name as a middle name ???
That seems rather wierd to me… what do they seriously care what your middle name is… if most folks are going to call you Sue Smithworks (your married name) anyhow.
Seems a bit offensive to me… them not liking your historical family name linked with theirs.
Post # 6
What is their problem exactly? It’s your choice and it doesn’t even impact them. You’re still Mrs. HisLastname. It sounds like a lot of work for something you don’t even want to do. It’s been a month or so since your wedding? They’ll get over it pretty soon.
I did exactly what you did, for the record. I thought it was a wonderful way to keep my family connection as well as honor my new husband.
Post # 7
THey both say it is to confusing and it will screw-up my legal paper like my passport, etc.! My MIL is being a real peach lately. Saying I’m not proud to have the last name and my other reasons for keeping it are lame. Oh yeah she called me a femanist. Umm ok. She is Swiss and I think she does not understand really what I did. That I now have two middle names and thier last name.
My DH said that I should not have my maiden name any where at all. When we did our marriage license he said he did not like it but would get over it. Now he is saying he can’t get over it and hates seeing my maiden name.
Post # 8
The Swiss are not big on middle names at all either. I did a little research and found the name change forms online and filled them out. I have to drop them off in person so not sure when I can do that. I will see my MIL this weekend so maybe I can talk to her.
Post # 9
Thanks for the update.
Ok that explains it better, it is a cultural difference in that middle names are not the norm.
Still though this is your maiden name, the name that represents YOUR FAMILY… the person YOU WERE (and in part still are) UP TO THE MILLI-SECOND THAT YOU MARRIED YOUR GUY
Now really, they are that offended…
Still reeling from the statement that he said he didn’t like seeing your Maiden Name anywhere at all… and actually said he hated seeing it (really, he has that little respect for your family, and WHO you were when you guys met?)
Sorry, but personally I’d be telling these two to go stuff it… as I said in my previous post for all intensive purposes you are Sue Smithworks to most people… only a very few would ever be aware that you middle name is your former Surname.
As someone who has been married before (and thru a marriage that didn’t work) I’d say this isn’t that big a deal… you give in on this front and you’ll be giving in on countless issues the rest of your married life.
You are who you are… whether you are married or not. Before, Now and Forever… stand up for that.
Post # 10
If you like it, do not change it for them. Their culture may be different, but it is part of who you are. Why should you have to give up who you are to get married? Since they can’t stand seeing your name, will they hate seeing your family as well?
Post # 11
What a nightmare. Its hard to change your name in CA. I believe you need to get a court order and set a date in front of a judge. Then go back everywhere and get new information.
I did the same thing you did! Woop Four name sister! My DH was happy I did it that way, he is latin though… but I could careless if he didn’t like what I did. I wanted to take his name, but I had the lady add the second middle name at our appt when we got the license before the wedding. Your DH should have spoken up sooner. If anything the four names really help when getting information updated because your last name is still technically on there. It sure helped me.
I wouldn’t be changing jack – and if I did I would be putting my name back to my maiden one just in spite. I’m really miffed for you. Is this the only issue you have with him and his mom..?
Post # 12
@This Time Round: Agreed, they can stuff it.
OP- if you like it and it’s only bothering them so much, tell them that it’s a good thing that they didn’t have to do it then. What the heck is the issue? OK, so it’s not necessarily common in their culture, but MIL criticizing your reasons is ridiculous, IMO. You married her son, what more commitment does she need? (Not that she’s entitled to anything, anyway.)
@Captain013: I’m with you. All of my holiday cards to that peach of a MIL would be signed “xoxo First Middle Maiden Last” 😉
ETA- It should in no way “screw up your legal paperwork” as long as you bring in the proper documentation when you’re getting these things. Marriage license to the SS office = proper card. License and SS card to DMV = all names on the license. Same with the passport. Sounds like they just have their panties in a twist and are looking for ways to justify it.
Post # 13
@indibee: Amen sister suffragette!
This is such a non-issue its crazy. Who cares about a second middle name? WHO?! Nobody!!! Oh but wait….Thats right crazy MIL cares.
Stand strong OP, if you like your name as is don’t buckle or you’ll be facing MIL on even more issues down the road.
Post # 14
@kcaggiebiz: It won’t screw up your paperwork. It’s not that hard – people figure it out.
Now, I’d be afraid of bending too easily to their every whim. It makes you seem like a pushover and it’s sets a precedent. Personally, like a pp said if it was me I’d tell them to stuff it. They will get over it.
Post # 15
since when did someone’s name matter to anybody else but that someone? sounds like the MIL is just being petty and nitpicky (and excuse me? feminist as an insult to want to keep your maiden name?) and your DH should have said something and MEANT it before you changed your name.
I personally wouldn’t bother. Why would you do this to shut them up? It just gives them the message that they can make you do whatever they want as long as they keep harping on it. Go back to the SS office and change your married name back to your maiden xD
Post # 16
i wouldn’t change it. i’m actually considering doing the same thing you did. i love my last name. more than his. i would keep mine, but i like the tradition of taking his. just because you married into this family doesn’t mean you have to conform to their every cultural custom.