Post # 1
I just recently married my boyfriend whom I’ve known since highschool. The wedding was a surprise to everyone especially to my family. I live in Canada, while he lives in Philippines but works in Saudi Arabia. It was mostly a long distance relationship. We both went home to Philippines last October ’13 to get married. The wedding was all well. We decided to get married this year so we can start the application for sponsorship. I am now having problems in changing my name. I started with my driver’s license. They asked me for another ID that bears my new surname. Since I dont have one, the office was hesitant to change my name on my license even with a marriage contract. I decided to use a hyphen to make it easier for me to prove that I am that same person. Good thing I did because now I am having problems in renewing my professional licenses. If I completely change to my husband’s it will be difficult for me to renew them or get a background check should I need one for a new job. I told my husband about this and he totally freaked out. He wanted me to soley use his surname. He even said that I am disrespecting him if I don’t change may last name to his. Now we are at the point of filing a divorce just because I refused to change it to his name but used a hyphen instead. I tried reasoning with him but he is just focused on why I am not honoring his request while he always does with me. He believes that I am more concerned of my career that’s why I dont want to fully change my surname. I don’t want to end our marriage but it seems like this person that I married has completely changed and become insecure. If it’s up to me, I don’t even want to change my name at all. It’s a lot of effort, time, and money to change IDs. Plus, it is like I’m losing my identity. I am an only child I was hoping to keep my ties with my family by keeping part of my name. To support him, I thought it was a good idea to hyphenate my name instead. I thought it was a compromise that he’ll be happy too. Is divorce really our way out should we cannot come up with a decision? A lot of hurtful words has been said and honestly, I feel like I lost all my pride begging and convincing him to agree with my decision. Should I take this opportunity to take off from this marriage while I still can?
Post # 3
@beehappy18: May I ask what you do for a job? Why couldn’t you change your name through the licensing place where you have your professional license?
I know in some cultures it is a huge thing to have the woman take the man’s last name. I also know for some men it is a huge stab to their ego if the woman does not want to take their last name. On the other hand, I think it is absolutely ridiculous that he is going as far as filing for divorce over that, ESPECIALLY since you hyphenated it (and will probably go by his last name but for legal purposes go with the hyphenated version???). I’m sorry to be so blunt but he is being absolutely childish over this and not seeing your point as to why you are hyphenating it in the first place.
Post # 4
I think this should have been something you discussed prior to getting married.
I would look into why your marriage certificate was not deemed acceptable proof to change your name. Perhaps you need to have certified copies instead of the original. For example, my work requires a certified copy of my marriage certificate in order to update my file.
Post # 5
To me this sounds like it’s not about the difficulty of changing your name. You said you need to make a decision but you already have. You said you didn’t want to change your name. Waivering about how hard it is and whatnot will only give others an option to share their opinion.
The question is how is your husband going to deal with it? You should talk to him, tell him you love and respect him but that this is your decision. He can either accept it or (if he must) file for divorce. I don’t think I could be with someone who wouldn’t accept my decision about my name, could you?
Post # 6
i was able to get a new SS card with my new name using the document that the officient signed but when i went to get my driver’s license changed, they need one that is certified with a raised seal.
so check the requirements because each place requires something different, but nothing can prevent you from changing your name.
Post # 7
@beehappy18: You get to choose whatever your name is, not your husband. It sounds like you took his opinion into consideration — you wanted to keep your name, he wanted you to take his, so you took both. It’s a fair compromise.
I think you need to explain to your husband why it’s important for you to keep your own name (being an only child, having ties to your own family). Hopefully he’ll come around.