Post # 1
So I got married 7 weeks ago and was firm that I was keeping my last name. My husband totally understood and was okay with it. Now that we are married I think we are both a little bummed about it and want to share a name.
We are going to start trying to have a family in the new year and talking about names, they will take his. I feel a bit sad that my kids will not have my with them at all. We talked about putting my 10 lettered Ukrainian last name as there middle names, but I don’t know if I like that.
Then we’ve discussed adding each others names, but mine is 10 letters and his 7. I feel like that option sucks too.
He is not close with his dad (barely invited him to the wedding) and I have never met any relatives from that side.. another reason why taking his name is difficult for me. I talked to him about taking my name since he is far closer with mine than his and it was a definite no.
I guess I’m just surprised that so many women get married and 1 day later they’ve changed their name on Facebook and such like it’s nothing at all. I’m finding it a real big struggle.
Anyone else having this sort of battle or am I just crazy?
Post # 3
I am also having a hard time with the name changing. I dont want to loose my moms last name nor my dads but I still wanna add my future hubbys last name. I am also having a hard time with the fact that my last name will not be carried on.
What I dont understand is why cant you add his last name and have your future children be firstname yourlastname + hislastname. Like me I have my dads last name and my moms last name. Ive heard people say that one can only have one last name but my brothers and I have moms and dads last name. And my FI also has both his dadslastname + moms maidenname
Where you live, do you have the option to change borh urs and his name to hislastname-yourlastname? That could be an option.
Post # 4
I’m not married yet, and it makes me sad, thinking I will no longer carry my fathers last name, but I am marrying the man of my dreams. I want to be his wife, and I will give up my family name, to happily start my new one! And have fun making babies and picking out important family names.
Post # 5
He can change to your name (seriously).
Post # 6
Glad to hear there are a few others struggling with this as well! My hubby is willing to add mine to his and I am willing to add his to mine, I just don’t know if i want my kids to have 2 long last names. Mine is such a struggle for people to say as it is… adding another name to it feels like it would be ridiculous.
Haha, Joya, I know as for him taking my name and dropping his, its just not happening. Lots of lengthy discussions were had!
Post # 7
kept my name legally; socially and everywhere else I am Deborah MyLastName HisLastName
I had my name for 54 years, and changing my address is a big enough hassle
Post # 8
I’m one of the folks who changed my name the next day. I had no issue with it, though I can understand how some people could. If you are worried about your children not having your name, then hyphenate the last name with both of yours – that is what a number of people I know did. 🙂
Post # 9
legally i’m still maiden name, socially it’s my lastname hislastname or just his lastname.
our son has his last name, it doesn’t bother me. i also grew up with a mom that kept her maiden name so it wasn’t a big change.
Post # 10
I feel you. I decided to do the psycho 18 character thing and hyphanate. It was important to me to keep my last name, because, I’ve had it forever. I agreed to hyphanate only because it seamed important to him. Our kids can have his last name, but also he comes from a fairly long line (he is a IV!) Even though it is becoming a little more common for the man to take the womans last name, I would have to admit that even though I consider myself progressive on the name change thing, many don’t, and might look at him wierd.
Post # 11
I am also having a really hard time with this. My mom dropped her maiden name and she has always regretted it. I’ve never really wanted to change my last name. I am not getting married until December, so I have a little time still. I would just not change my name, but I’d like to have a piece of my future husband & kids last name. I love my middle name probably more than my last name so dropping that is not an option, and two middle names just doesn’t seem to work because how often do you use your middle name? My main idea now is to change my name to Jenna J. B____ G________ (two last names with a space, not hyphen). From what I’ve read I’ll be able to be Ms. B___ at work and then socially go by Ms. G_____. Good luck with your decision. I change my mind daily. Let us know what you decide to do!
Post # 12
I changed my name. I simply somehow always knew I would. It’s a very personal decision and I hope you find a solution that works for you!
Post # 13
I’m keeping my name with no qualms. In fact, FI’s sister and I have the same first name, and she kept her name when she married, too. Our children will be firstname middlename myname hisname on thier birth certs and likely firstname hisname in daily life, which I have no problem with.
Post # 14
I had no problems changing my name. Was happy to do it. I don’t care about my husband’s family, I care about my husband. I’m not close to my father in law in any way, but that doesn’t mean I have mixed emotions about sharing his last name – I share it with my husband and that’s the person that matters.
Post # 15
We are thinking about both taking a completely new name.
Post # 16
“Judged as smarter and more ambitious.”
I am very attached to my last name and don’t want to change it. However, some days I feel like I should. It’s a very difficult decision. I think I’m settling toward legally keeping my name, and socially taking my future husband’s name.