Post # 1
I’m not angry, just a little upset for FI’s reasoning. We had June 16th picked out for months! So then his mom calls today and he tells her we got engaged last week. They don’t talk much because of the past and he only talks to her when she calls or he will make a call at Christmas and that’s it. So she asks the date and he told her and she said that’s the date his little brother got married on. Now he doesn’t even speak to his little brother. Long story short, his step dad asked all the kids in the family to change their last name to his and they all refused except for the little brother. A lot was going on around that time and they found out their bio dad had been trying to contact them for years but his mother would destroy birthday cards and change the house number and move them around so much. ANYWAY, FI and his sisters felt betrayed by the little brother for changing his last name. There was also some other stuff that went down between FI and little brother. little brother wanted to get away from step dad and mom and FI let him live with him and FI was paying for him to go to school. In the end little brother left FI with a lot of bills and just up and left. They haven’t spoken since.
Okay, so back to the date. His mom mentions that little brother got married on that date last year and now FI wants it changed. He said he wants nothing in common with his little brother.
🙁 It’s just a date and it really holds no special meaning. I figure it’s a nice middle date for June weddings. But if it concerns him that much then I’m willing to change it. I just got used to saying June 16th.
Have you had to change your date for anything you found silly?
Post # 3
@Miss Tattoo: i can understand that it is silly to you, but i can also completely understand why your FI wants to change it. now that he has this knowledge about little brother, it is associated in his mind and he doesn’t want anything to taint his wedding day and future anniversaries with YOU! he wants it to be only about you and him. so if its really not a big deal to change it, then i would just do it. i had to change my date several times because it was complicated organizing a destination wedding to suit a bunch of family members who we wanted to come. so i get that you were “used” to saying one date!! but trust me, it is still so far away that you will soon become attached to your new date!
Post # 4
We had a date picked out and moved it by a day to make it more accommodating for guests. That was hard enough since I got used to the date and liked the way it sounded. Now, we have some family related things to take care of, and we cannot pick a date until they are resolved. I hate not knowing when the wedding will be, and of course it makes it difficult to make any concrete plans. I feel for you. I do understand his feelings though. What I keep telling myself about my particular situation is that it’s just a date. We know the day is coming when we will be married. If it’s a Saturday, a Tuesday, the 7th or the 27th – it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the day IS coming and when it gets here, we’ll be man and wife. Try to focus on that. It might make things a little easier.
Post # 5
I agree that I understand why he wants to change it because of the bad relationship with his brother but I also understand that it isn’t fun to have to change the date. We had the date of January 22 for about a year and then in August had to change it to March 6 because of finances. I also agree though that you’ll become attached to your new date soon. I now love the thought of March 6.
Post # 6
although im guessing your FI’s little brother was, well little and not a mature adult im hoping things will one day be sorted out between them. in the meantime i would also change the date just because FI asked for it to be done, i see your wedding isnt until 2012 so hopefully you dont have anything locked in
and yes we changed our date but because we eloped and brought the wedding forward
Post # 7
I picked out 09/10/11 but he said he wouldnt because it was too close to 9/11!
We went from November to September to October to November and ended up booking a December Date! lol! And not til 2011! lol It seems so far away but we need it to save!
If its important to him, change it! JUST in my opinioin I dont find the back story an excuse and who am I to judge, because I dont know your FI but sounds like resentment and hurt. I hope and pray he finds it in his heart to forgive his brother someday! Shit happens, you get over it, you live and you learn!