(Closed) Changing the diamond

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@SFrunner:  I had almost the exact same experience. My fiance picked my ring with no input from me, and he actually did a wonderful job, except I had always imagined a slightly larger centre stone after seeing the rings of my sisters/friends etc. The difference is mostly explained by geographical trends I think, I’m from a large North American city, he’s from a smaller city in a different country (where large rings are very uncommon, but I didn’t realize this). The ring I got was very large for the area that he’s from, so he had tried to get something really nice for me. Anyway, the way I brought it up wasn’t ideal (a bit of crying, mostly because I felt terribly guilty), but I just said I had always dreamed of having a ring of a certain size, and while the ring was otherwise absolutely perfect, was there any way to upgrade the centre stone? He was very nice to me (probably nicer than I deserved). I think if you stress that you’re thrilled with every other aspect, and you know money isn’t a limiting factor, maybe he won’t be too upset. To make a long story short, I had my ring reset with a 1 ct centre stone. I love my new ring, and it’s exactly what I had always dreamed of. When I look back on what I did now, I feel like maybe it wasn’t quite as important as I felt it was at the time. I don’t think it was one of my finest moments, and I consider myself very lucky that he took it as well as he did. I do love the ring now though :S What size is your current ring, and what size were you hoping for?

Post # 4
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

As someone whi has upgraded to larger diamond, its ok to be dissapointed, its ok to get a new ring, but it is not ok to ask him to spend more – even if he can afford it.

Only ask for an upgrade if you are willing to pay, if he pays its ok, but not if you ask him to.

You cant expect him to spend more than you would spend yourself.

Post # 7
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I upgraded recently and plan to do it again with a halo…tell hiim especially since he brought it up to you! Good luck!

Post # 8
5290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, he did bring it up already which says to me he is already amenable to changing it. That is already a huge hurdle out of the way! My concern of course is that at this point he may be outside a return period and if you do not have a trade in policy, it will not be as easy to do (if too late for you, maybe others can heed the advice of speaking up earlier). So, you may have to suck up extra costs if you decide to go ahead. To me sharing the cost is a no-brainer. If you are getting married, ultimately it is all coming from the same place anyway. Paying more now from either pocket is less money later together. Just the way it works. You may already live together or share finances anyway, so again, a no-brainer.

Not all men are that sentimental about the ring itself as an object. People can remain sentimental about the meaning, and the experience, and not need the ring to give them that. My own husband sees whatever rings we wear more as a symbol to honour our commitment, and not the actual relationship itself, as do I. Rings can be damaged, lost, stolen, outgrown, cause allergic reactions or discomfort, worn down and so on. You NEVER know what will happen to the ring. I never had an engagement ring originally, but we did look, and even then my husband talked about maybe on a special trip in a couple years or so we could upgrade.

I did, however, change my original wedding band, the one we exchanged at our ceremony. Partly due to allergies but mostly due to style and comfort issues, and all I did was be honest with him and let him know what I was not happy about. At first he was a little sad and surprised, but we talked openly and honestly with each other, and it turned out I was making a far bigger deal out of it than he ever did. He was thankful I talked to him and let him know, rather than pretend to love it, though he did tease me for a while about it (saying “ick” in a dramatic funny way when he looked at my ring on my finger or talking about how much he LOVED his ring…sometimes he still does tease me, but it is all in good humour and we really do laugh about it). We decided to get new rings (out of shared finances of course!). When I had allergies and issues with my SECOND set, I did the same thing (along with promised no more changes unless it was to a twist tie!) and he was actually happy as he did not like that set much anyway. Ultimately, he wanted me to wear something I loved as much as HE loved his own ring (he adores his). Why would he want me to wear something I did not feel joy and pride in wearing? Fortunately now we BOTH love love love my rings. He is often telling me how much he likes them and shows them off to others (even though I was the one who picked them out entirely!). They are perfect for me and my forever set.

You know your partner, and relationship, better than we do. In my own relationship, we have a commitment to honesty and being authentic with one another. If something is on our mind, we talk. If someone wants to talk, we listen. We are each responsible for our selves and putting what we need and want out there. We are not mind readers. We also accept responsibility for our emotions. If my husband was hurt by me wanting to change my ring, it was his responsibility to communicate that to me, and we could address that together, not for me to tip toe around and not say anything and remain upset myself to spare him. He would not want that either! We are in this as a team, and if something is bothering one of us we are committed to working together on it. While a ring may seem “insignificant” in the grand scheme of things, if it bothers you and you are staying quiet instead of talking about it, and developing negative associations around it, then it IS significant. So talk about it!

You could make a new experience together, one where you choose the stone out yourself as a couple and have new memories.


Post # 9
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think since he brought it up already you should totally bring it up to him again. Especially if you guys can afford it and that’s not an issue. Maybe just tell him you’ve been thinking about it ever since he asked you and ask if you guys can take a day together to go check out some diamonds and see what you think.

Post # 11
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

To OP I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.  My Fiance wanted me to go with a bigger stone and I chose the smaller one.  Now I’m having questioning my decision.  This is the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.  You need to be honest with him. I’m also marrying a man who comes from a different country and they do have completely different traditions when it comes to things like that.  So just be honest and let go of the guilt.  



Post # 12
144 posts
Blushing bee

@SFrunner:  OK, so I am probably super rude for asking this, so, sorry if I am.  Can you give us some more specifics?  What size IS the curent stone?  What were you hoping for / taking to him about going to?

Post # 13
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think the easiest thing to do would be to wait for an anniversary. Even if it’s just the 1st year anniversary. A lot of you ladies are braver than I am! Even though I know my Fiance loves me and wants me to be happy, it is still a difficult thing to bring up. Way to go girls. I’m glad it’s worked out for you.

The topic ‘Changing the diamond’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors