Weddingbee boards

I am considering adding my current last name as a 2nd middle name, and then taking his last name.

Curious to know what the rest of the Bees are doing about the name thing.

I love that so many others are doing the middle name thing. 

I'd love to hear from any married bees who have done this and how it is working out.

Haha, I've been going over and over this in my head for the last, oh, year or so!  At first I said I would take his name and drop mine entirely.  I felt like I had no emotional attachment to my name.  To me, I figured I'm going to have some man's name anyway, be it my father's or my husband's, and it might as well be the man I chose. (Plus, my dad and I have an awkward relationship that's really too much to get into here.)

Then after a while, I started to worry about losing "street cred" in my profession.  Women in my profession are really expected to keep their last names, and there is a lot of (unfair!) judgment against women who don't.  So I started to think that I would do a double, non-hyphenated last name.  That way I would get the sort of credibility that keeping my own name offers in this profession, but practically with day to day matters, I would still get to use my husband's name (because without a hyphen, I figured most people would just drop the first last name and only use the second, the way people do with Hillary Rodham Clinton.)

Then as the wedding date got closer and people started jokingly asking me if I was ready to be Mrs. Marriedname, I started to feel really uncomfortable.  I tried to practice writing it, tried practicing introducing myself in the mirror with my new name, but for some reason I just felt super uncomfortable.  I guess I realized that my current name wasn't just my father's name, but that in 25 years of using it I had unexpectedly grown attached to it as well. 

So after all that, I decided to just keep my name the way it is.  I'm telling people it's for professional reasons, but really it was just an emotional thing.  While I have a weird relationship with my dad and absolutely no relationship with the maidenname extended family, I still somehow got attached to this name apart from all that, and it feels too weird to change it. 

I am currently keeping my last name. FI currently asked me if it would be ok if he took my last name, which I said it would. But it is an issue I am not going to press on him. I have also been thinking of assuming his last name socially and just keeping my name professionally, but I am still on the fence about that.

Sceeder, if you take his name only socially, does that mean that you don't change all of your IDs? Or you do?

I'm keeping my last name. It will help to keep my name professionally and I never envisioned myself changing it. 

I am taking his last name although I really want to hyphen. FI doesn't care one way or another, but hyphenatiing just won't work because my name is 13 letters long so I can't imagine adding a hyphen and adding 5 more letters of his last name!

I did MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden HisLast.  At work, I didn't change anything since I am well-established, it would be a HUGE headache, and I always wanted to be Dr. MyLast.  Socially, I am going by MyFirst MyMaiden HisLast.   The irritations:

1. My drivers license- BMV wouldn't put MyMaiden on it.  Irritating!

2. People file me under either mylast or hislast- never know which one to ask.

3.I feel like people judge me by clinging to my maiden name so tightly.  This might just be my issue.

4. (the biggest one by far)- People frequently leave out MyMaiden, despite how that is on my email, all my correspondance and how I always address myself. 

@cvbee:  I was thinking of doing the same thing!