Post # 1
A couple of weeks ago I was talking with some of my friends and a couple of them have published papers and are still changing their names (not hyphenating or even moving their maiden name to middle ) post marriage. I asked why are you still doing this and I got various answers ranging from I like his name better to feminism means having a freedom of “choice” .
Post # 2
snowlovingbee : I asked why are you still doing this
You sound so patronising, i’m surprised they answered.
Post # 3
snowlovingbee : I think every woman should. It’s just the way it’s always been and we don’t need any more psychotic feminists out there. Why is it even a thing to NOT to do it? The only reasonable answer is if it would affect your career.
Post # 5
jessrohde08 : The only reasonable answer is if it would affect your career.
Well that’s ridiculous, the only reason a women has to give if she doesn’t want to change her name is that she doesn’t want to. Why does keeping your own name make you a ‘psychotic feminist’?
Post # 6
zzar45 : I know where this is going. [content moderated for name-calling] I will leave this post now. Change your last name or don’t. I feel the way I feel. Toodles
Post # 7
snowlovingbee : why do people still fee the need to question others choices in this day and age?
If you don’t want to change your name, that’s great. However, the choice to change your name is no valid (and therefore does not need to be defended).
By the way, I didn’t change my name but I still don’t feel the need to question those that did.
Post # 8
Woah. That escalated quickly.
Post # 9
loz24 : No, I didn’t question anyone. I never meant to comes across as condecending person. It was more like a follow up question.
Who am I to queston other people beliefs?
Post # 10
Im changing it because I want to. I’d want to 50 years ago & I’d want to 50 years from now. I’d want to even if I published papers & it led to confusion.
OP you sound a little judgy. From the way you asked your friends to the way you put their answers (choice) in quotations on this thread.
Choice is important & you aren’t doing much good by talking about other women’s choices like this.
ETA: I saw your update. I think just the phrase “in this day and age” implies that you think name changing is archaic and burdensome. You might not have meant to say that- could’ve just come out wrong!
Post # 11
loz24 : This.
I seriously don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to others if you choose to change or not change your name? Who cares, really? It’s your choice and you should be supported in whatever decision you make, not with passive-agressive statements like “why are you still doing this.” Perhaps we shouldn’t tear each other down (like a PP calling someone a “psychotic feminist”) and feel free to make whatever decision we want when it comes to our name.
Post # 12
snowlovingbee : but you did question them. You say “I asked why are you still doing this?” That’s a question, directed at them therefore you’re questioning them.
I didn’t change my name and there’s a whole host of reasons why I didn’t but mostly? I didn’t want to. I hate being questioned about why I didn’t because to a lot of people “I didn’t want to” isn’t a good enough reason. To me the same thing applies to those who are changing their name. They want to and that’s enough.
Post # 13
I’ll be changing mine. It’s one of the things I am most looking forward to. To me that’s all part of being married and sharing your life with someone else, joining their family, but I can understand that to others it isn’t and they don’t want to. I certainly don’t associate it with any old-fashioned values but for those that do, the option is there not to change it, just a matter of personal choice.
Post # 14
I live in a country where it’s not the norm to change your name, and my FI is from this country, but I come from a country where it is the norm.
I’m going to change my name. Partly, it will help with visas for him to come to my country. Partly, I just want to have the same surname as my husband and children. The easiest way to do that is for me to change my name.
Post # 15
I change it in the beginning of this year. I had always planned to change my name. For personal reasons, I did not want the connection of my maiden name and have never been fond of it.