- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Ha! You all thought this was going to be about money! 😛
FI and I are paying for our wedding. Period. We budgeted things out to have the wedding we want at the price we can afford. We’re hosting a semi-formal, smallish (50-75 guests) late afternoon wedding and evening reception.
That being said, my parents visited a couple weeks ago and gave us the rest of my college fund (why couldn’t they have used that on my undergraduate degree as opposed to making me take out loans?), which amounts to about what our planned budget is. FI and I plan to keep that money and hold onto it for now while still keeping our original wedding budget and savings plan; FI’s parents will probably chip in too, so we are feeling very blessed and grateful that our parents have collectively been so generous and that we will indeed get to have the wedding we want and start our marriage debt-free.
While my parents were visiting I wanted to take my mom shopping for her dress since the shops here are better than the ones she typically has access to, and I wanted to treat my mom to a new outfit since she’s the selfless type that never spends money on herself. On our shopping trip she mentioned that Dad never lets her go shopping, and we had such a hard time finding something she liked that she commented frequently, “Well it’s so much easier to just give up. I can wear something I already have if it doesn’t offend your FI (traditional cultural outfit)”. I took her to Sephora to get new skincare and makeup for her and she insisted that she didn’t need or want anything. (I *know* she used to take better care of her skin than she does now)
When I asked Dad what he wanted to wear he said that he was just going to wear some suit he had made (FI, the groomsmen, and FI’s dad will all be in tuxes) in Las Vegas (I’ve seen the suit; it’s nice but not very formal). I hinted that the rest of the men in the bridal party would be in tuxes (probably rented from Al’s Formal Wear) but he was pretty opposed to wearing anything other than that suit (which he bought long before I ever met FI).
One of the things my parents requested was to have wedding announcements printed. FI and I are splurging on our invitations (Crane & Co), and it won’t be a big deal to order a set of announcements even though we weren’t planning on doing them. Dad said that I could give the announcements to him and he’ll just “slap a label” on them to send them out. Dad’s “labels” are the Avery DIY kind. There is nothing physically wrong with the labels, but they don’t “fit” the paper quality or the tone of the wedding (I’m planning on hand-addressing the envelopes).
After their trip, I called them to tell them I found the dress my mom liked in her size and had ordered it. They both lamented that Mom should just wear something she already has.
I’m my parents’ only child, and it really hurts that they don’t seem to appreciate what FI and I are trying to do for our wedding. I’m all for rewearing clothes to weddings and using mailing labels, but I can’t help but feel that my wedding isn’t that big of a deal to them. I’d just like them to look their very best that day and I feel like they just want to throw that back in my face.
They are not the type to tell me what they think about FI but when FI asked for their blessing they gave it.
Most of the wedding receptions my parents go to are in church cultural centers and people show up in whatever they have on; not even Sunday Best. So maybe they think their “Sunday Best” is OK for a more formal wedding? We took them to see the chapel and reception space, and they know what I’ll be wearing as well, so I have to think that they should have some clue as to the tone and formality level.
At any rate, their behavior has been disappointing to me and I can’t help but feel that after the wedding we’ll drift apart even more.