- 3 years ago
Hi eveyone, sorry for the long post but I’ve got to get it out of me. We’re together for 10 years, he’s 29, I’m 25. We moved in together five years ago and got engaged a few months later. He didn’t propose the traditional way, just came from work one day, I was on the pc working, hugged me and said something like “wanna get engaged?” I said “sure, I guess!” and that was pretty much it. Then he went for a shower and I continued working because I was on a strict deadline. No drama, crying and stuff.
We went to buy a ring and our wedding bands a week later. We were on a really tight budget so we spent around $600 on the bands (white gold, I hate yellow) which left pretty much nothing for the ring. He wanted to buy me one so he suggested we go for a temporary ring until we could afford something better. We went to a store and bought a $20 silver ring, with a – probably plastic or glass – stone on top. I liked it and I didn’t mind because I knew we couldn’t get something better at that time, but I never mentioned the price to anyone and always kept it clean and shiny so I guess everyone thought it was expensive because I heard lots of compliments.
We didn’t have a big engagement party, only our parents & few really close relatives were there, and in the evening we had a small party with about 15 close friends.
Three months later I discovered that the ring was broken. I don’t know exactly when, but I looked my hand and the stone was gone, because two of the little claws somehow fell off. I felt so sad and cried but I knew that would eventually happen. You can’t expect a $20 ring to hold on forever.
I told him and he was sad too, but told me not to worry because he’d get me a new one soon. That was almost four years ago. I mentioned the subject a few times trying not to make him feel bad but I ended up feeling guilty because he told me that I act like I don’t know the financial issues we have so I gave up. We don’t owe any money, we just earn barely enough to live. (That’s the main reason we’re not married yet. My parents can’t help us, and – though they’re the most awesome in-laws one could have – don’t want his parents to give us anything because they already helped us by giving us a place to live.)
I cought his mother staring at my finger once but she didn’t say anything, neither did I.
So, I never mentioned anything again but I put the broken ring in the bathroom next to the toothbrushes so that we can see it every day. I don’t know if he’s even noticed. I don’t know if he’s ever going to buy me another. I feel sad, not because the ring was cheap, but because I wanted something that would represent our long lasting relationship, something that I’d wear for many years and remember how it all started.
I feel like I’m on a dead end. I accidentally overheard his mother asking him when will he decide to finally get married because we’re together for so long and he tried to avoid her, and my mother has started to pressure me too, that he just wants to spend his time with me, doesn’t really love me etc. Friends also ask him why he’s not finally marrying me and tease us while I pretend that I don’t care. I never mentioned anything because I don’t want to pressure him too. We’re fine as a couple, no arguments, fights etc but I feel like we’re slowly getting close to a point where it’s either moving on to the next step or move on with our lives separately. I can’t mention anything to anyone close to us but I desperately need to talk to someone. My mother will tell me to leave him, my father doesn’t care. And our financial issues may be there forever. Does this mean we’ll be engaged forever? If he can’t afford it, then why did he decide to make the next step?
He seems to be proud that he’s engaged, always wearing his band, let everyone know… He recently started to discuss about fixing our appartment (he owns it), changing the kitchen, bathroom, exterior, making plans… Yesterday when he mentioned it I kindly said that we should wait for “later”. He looked disappointed. I’ve come to a point where I think he only wants me for as long as he’ll need to fix his house, and then he’ll dump me to find someone else and get married in like three months. Maybe I’m paranoid and insecure but it has happened before.
I’m afraid, confused and alone. Anyone else in a similar situation? Thank you