Weddingbee boards

Well no one is required to pay for anyone else’s wedding, and your dad not doing so doesn’t make him cheap. Its his money that he worked for – he can spend it however he wants.

Since you have 10 months before your wedding, maybe you could sit down with him and have a discussion about what he feels comfortable giving you for wedding money, either now, or within the next few months (if he thinks he will have more disposable income then). If he insists that any money given should be used on a house down payment, or has any other strings attached which you can’t live with, then you have your answer, and will need to pay for your wedding some other way.

I understand needing to know how much money someone is going to contribute so maybe you should sit down with him and discuss how much he's planning on contributing and when he thinks he can do that? 

It is his money though so I don't think you should necessarily go into the conversation with the attitude of "he's always been greedy with money". He has a right to be, seeing as he's had to work hard to earn it. And I think if you act humble and gracious, people are more likely to want to help you more than if you poke out your lip when you don't get what you want. Just some advice.

I would suggest making up a worksheet on exactly how much everything is estimated to cost along with alternatives and a specific timeline. That way, when he starts to say he'll look into it, the work is already done and right in front of him.  

@Chantal Nicholle: There's no need for all caps. It's construed as yelling.

Look, I understand it's disappointing when a parent promises you one thing and then does another, but at the end of the day, your father does not have to pay for your wedding. Or for a house. And it doesn't matter how much money he makes or how much stuff he buys for himself--it's his income and you are now an adult. Warren Buffett himself famously didn't invest in a venture one of his own kids brought to him and has stated none of his children/grandchildren are getting a sizeable inheritance. And because it's his money, it's his choice as to how he wants to "gift" it to you: he has the right to decide that he will contribute to the downpayment on a house, but that he won't contribute to a wedding. And he didn't give you the money outright so it's not like if you don't want the house you can spend it on a wedding--it sounds like him giving you the money is conditional upon how you spend it. You may not like that, but you have to accept it because it's a gift and it's his money.

So, it sounds like he's not into paying for the wedding, given that you've had a talk with him and everything. You can't sue him, you can't badger him into submission, so I'd cut my losses, talk to mom, go over yours and FI's finances, and figure out what you real budget is so you can start planning.

I think you would have gotten a much different response from people had you named the post something different (cheap father, really?) and worded yourself differently (things like "How do I convince him to hand over the cash and stop being so cheap?" don't sit well with people).  It was your perceived attitude that made people call you a troll. And like @JennyW1: said, there is no need to "yell" on the 'Bee.

Back to the OP; if your father has always done things like this ("My dad has been greedy with money since I was little.") then I think you should take what he promises you with a grain of salt.  My mother is the same way, she promises things then backs out.  So I decided when planning my wedding budget I wouldn't even include what she was "promising" me, and if she does end up giving us money it'll just be a bonus and I can either use it to pay myself back (I'm paying for most of the wedding) or add something to the wedding I didnt' think I would be able to afford.

But, like PP have said, he isn't required to give you anything, it's just a plus if he does.