(Closed) cheapskate friends

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well I’m always on the side you never know another person’s finances. With two weddings and a brand new baby I could see money being tight. We have more disposable income than our friends who make twice as much as us. It just depends on how you manage your money.

And people can talk a big game about their money, but realistically they might be very far in debt. I would just send her a thank you for the wonderful gift, but then I wouldn’t be so generous with her in the future. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Man! At least you got something. Most of our friends didn’t even bring a card. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um…did you invite them to get a gift, or did you invite them because you wanted them there?

I’m sure with a new baby, they did what they could. Did they force you to go to their wedding(s)?

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@tsetsefly: While it’s true that none of us invite people to our weddings so they will buy us things, I also think it’s true that we feel hurt when people we feel close to don’t acknowledge our big events in life, especially when we go out of our way to do that for them. I think what was really crappy about this situation is that the couple waited 6 months to send you the gift, and then it was nominal. It’s true we never know people’s financial situation, but it is common courtesy to at least give a card in a timely fashion. They also could have bought or made you something inexpensive and thoughtful instead of a gift card (I hate gift cards because they so blantantly tell the receiver how much you are spending–sometimes you can get very thoughtful and nice things for cheap!).

I just hate everyone getting down on brides that are disappointed that they didn’t receive gifts from close friends and families. No, it’s not the point, but gift giving is so traditional that it seems hurtful when it is passed up. And everyone can afford at least a card with thoughtful words.

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@serasvictoria: i was about to write the exact same thing. you never really know what folks finances are – and with a new baby, diapers are expensive! just send a thank you, and keep the past in mind for the future if it bothers you that much 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

totally unrelated – tsetse flies are so gross!!!

Post # 10
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JoJo Bananas: whats a tsetse fly? i saw it and i think “testes” *giggles* is it something bad???

Post # 13
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

 

@tsetsefly: i totally hear you.  you have every right to be upset. I completely agree with Saphire.  no we don’t expect gifts but gifts are a traditional way of congratulating someone on a big life event. they don’t have to be expensive but they should be thoughtful and a nominal gift card 6 months after the fact certainly falls short.

I’m sorry.  I guess you can file away your friend’s actions and use this to help you make future decisions concerning her.

Post # 14
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I understand how you feel.  I would be disappointed too.  Not that you can do/say anything about it, other than make a mental note for the future.

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I understand that.  I would be disappionted too.  Did you say that you went to two weddings for her, both overseas?  I would be hurt if I was so generous with a friend and she didn’t attempt to return the favor.

On the other hand, I’m not sure I know many people, myself in cluded who would go to two overseas weddings for the same couple.  Many people wouldn’t be able to make one.  Perhaps it would behoove you to be a little less giving (sounds weird).  Bottom line, few ppl could live up to that.

Post # 16
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Anyone else wondering what them being interracial has anything to do with the rest of the story??  I’m dying to know… 🙂

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