Post # 1
I am not saavy enought to make hyperlinks to my old posts, but feel free to look them up for the details. Last November I learned that my FI had been cheating on/lying to me for over a year by recieving handies from a shady massage parlor. Since, then I have entered individual therapy to gain some perspective. FI and I have “separated” but I agreed to let him “date” me until I am more sure of whether or not I want him. I still see him often. We go out, show affection if not intimacy. There is still alot of hurt there on both sides.
In the mean time, I have been more and more drawn to a male aquaintance I have had for several years. I think I like him but It has been so long since I have dated anyone but former FI I don’t know how this works. I feel so foolish; like a friggin teenager because I can’t figure out if this aquaintance is interested in me. We have communicated over the past few months mostly via facebook because he lives about an hour and a half away. I have only seen him face to face 3 times since my separation with FI. He flirts with me, compliments my appearance(says things like “you are looking good, as usual!”)when he seem me, calls me terms of endearment (love,boo, and nick names), makes deep eyecontact, finds ways to touch me or my hair, and he “likes” tons my pictures and statuses on facebook. Does he like me Bees?!?
So, I know that if a man is interested he will take the first step but I am not sure that he knows I am single again. He knows my former FI and the two of of us have been pretty quiet about the split…just letting it trickle down; no major announcements. He might have an idea but would never ask because that is kind of rude. Should I tell him I am single or just wait for him ask/hear through the grape vine? should I tell him i am interested? Geez now I remembewatch a long term relationship so hard to end. You get so darn comfortable!
Post # 3
I think that since you are both adults, honesty is the best policy and if you are really interested in him, you should just tell him so. I have had a lot of male friends and some are very good friends of mine but they do not call me by terms of endearment and they do not constantly touch me and my hair.
I mean, if he doesn’t reciprocate, then it’ll hurt and it’ll suck since you are interested but I prefer the certainty of knowing “Yes, there’s something there” or “No, back off” rather than pondering in limbo and debating his every move.
Post # 5
@oldrockingchair: Just be honest. Tell him that you and your FI have split but are still dating.
Personally, I think it’s unfair to start something with someone if you’re still seeing your FI. If you’re ready to move on from your FI, then you can be forthcoming with your feelings about this new guy. If you still want things to work with your FI, then focus on repairing that relationship.
Post # 6
Just be honest with the guy. He doesn’t have to make the first move. Why don’t you ask him to lunch or for coffee sometime and let him know how you feeL about him.
Post # 7
Oh gosh, I read some of your threads, you deserve to be happy..Will you ever be happy with your FI? if not, end it with him before you start something with the new guy.
Post # 8
Pass him a note at lunch period. 🙂
Srsly, just ask him to coffee or a movie or something. If he’s interested, he’ll take the opening. If he doesn’t, he isn’t.
Post # 9
I went through this for 7 years, crushing on a guy while having this on again off again thing with some s*** guy. I finally called it off once and for all and turned things up a little with the other guy. Guess what, he did like me and here we are getting married next month :). I feel you though, I had it bad and felt like a little high school girl around him. Tell him you like him and ditch your loser once and for all!
Post # 10
Ask him out – when you’re out, tell him you’re single. let him take it from there. In the meantime, seriously consider dropping the guy who lied to you and got HJs from some random for money. Ew.
Post # 11
You’ve already checked out of your relationship with your (ex) FI. Just casually drop the fack that your single.
Post # 12
I agree with other PPs about asking him out. I’d ask him out to lunch/coffee to gauge he feels about you and casually bring up how you’re single again.
Post # 13
@oldrockingchair: It’s very obvious he is interested in you. I would lay it all out there! But I do things like that, with no fear of rejection. Because that’s really the worst that can happen.
Post # 15
@somethingaquamarine: “Just be honest. Tell him that you and your FI have split but are still dating.
Personally, I think it’s unfair to start something with someone if you’re still seeing your FI. If you’re ready to move on from your FI, then you can be forthcoming with your feelings about this new guy. If you still want things to work with your FI, then focus on repairing that relationship.”
I agree. OP – You should be honest with this new guy but I also wouldn’t pursue anything with him without truely ending things with your ex-FI.
Post # 16
I agree with those who say you need to end things once and for all with ex-FI before moving on with anyone else. After all, if you interested in someone else, it isn’t fair to him or your ex-FI to keep dating, especially as it’s a signal that you don’t expect to stay with ex-FI (a decision I fully support!).
I think he likes you, but I don’t know what he is like around women in general. Either way, I would bring up your single status casually, maybe like “Well, since ex-FI and I aren’t together anymore, I…” so he knows you’re available. Let that sink in, then feel free to make the first move – Guys will NOT always make a move. Believe me, I’m married to a man who had a crazy crush on me and never would’ve said a word!