Post # 1
I have a friend that has been with her husband for 20+ years. Together for 10, married for over 10. Her husband has been cheating on her for the past 5-6 years.
I brought this up to someone, I will call her A, because I was talking to another friend about her asking how she was, and how I am concerned about her bc I have not been able to get in touch with her. I told A about this and her attitude was that she is “not surprised, they have been together since they were 18, so to be with someone and married to just one person is a long time and its unrealistic to think that they won’t cheat” <– Really? Is this really how people think?
I have been with DH since I was 18, so should I assume that he will one day cheat one me too?
What are your thoughts on long term relationships? Is it possible to be married for a lifetime and not cheat? Or is there always a secret? You know how you hear about a couple that has been together for ages, but sometimes the wife or husband has cheated but never told their spouse.
I am not someone who would be able to forgive if my husband cheated, I feel like it would eat away at me and always be in the back of my mind. That comment rubbed me the wrong way. I have never cheated and I never will, and same goes with my husband.
It just makes me sad that people think that cheating is something that is bound to happen in a long term relationship/marriage.
Post # 2
Daizy914: That’s idiotic and I don’t think the majority of people feel that way, otherwise nobody would get married. Nobody goes into a marriage assuming that 10 years down the road one or both of them will cheat. It sounds like the opinion of somone who has been burned too many times in relationships and assumes that they all suck.
Post # 3
Not inevitable, and I think saying it is gives people an excuse, like they aren’t to blame if they stray. Yes, you are capable of being faithful, and it’s on you if you chose not to.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
Just going off your title my gut reaction is “Oh god I hope not.” I’ve been with my DH since we were 18. I hope we are mature enough and have good enough communication to prevent something like that from ever happening. To add, my grandparents married just out of high school and celebrate 67 years of marriage this week, and from my understanding have each been faithful to the other their entire lives. My parents were married at 21 and were high school sweethearts, married 30 years and also no cheating.
Post # 5
Cheating is not necessarily something that is bound to happen in long term relationships/marriage. “A” just has a very jaded view on relationships apparently. I know it’s upsetting to hear stories like what happened to your friend, but please don’t let it negatively impact your views on relationships (especially yours). If both people are comitted to their relationship and to being faithful to each other, there is no reason for cheating to happen.
Post # 6
This is crazy. OF COURSE people stay faithful in their marriages. Cheating is NOT ok. As for your friend- 5 or 6 years of cheating is 1/4 of their total relationship. that’s too long and I would have said bye a long time ago!
Post # 7
Daizy914: Uh no, cheating is not inevitable and is totally dependent on a person’s values. It should never be presented as a “given” that you or your spouse will end up being unfaithful. If there was any doubt in my mind that my DH would not struggle to remain faithful in our marriage, I would not have married him.
Post # 8
There is no reason to assume that your man will cheat on you, just because other people are cynical about marriage. I used to think the same way because I grew up seeing so many men have affairs. Now I realize that there are some men who are actually mature and honorable enough to stay faithful to their wives. I know women cheat as well but I am only speaking of my experience.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t say it’s inevitable, but unfortunately I’m a part of the group with whom it has happened to. DH and I started dating when I was 18 (he was 21) and he had emotionally cheated on me numerous times up until 2009-or-so. I suspect he had also kissed a co-worker, but he denied it.
Post # 10
I think cheating is a choice. My parents have been together for 38 years and to my knowledge neither of them ever cheated. I believe in marriage and i think lts possible to have a long happy and healthy relationship, if you both want to keep working on it.
Post # 11
cheating is a choice, and often a product of something lacking in the relationship. and quite frankly, if my hubby was so unhappy that he “had” to cheat on me for YEARS, i’d rather he leave and go be with her than to carry on a charade with me.
Post # 12
SithLady: i agree- i should also mention that her father cheated on her mother – so there you go.
FutureDrAtkins: my in laws are the same way – married 30 years and they have a great relationship!
rusticchic212: im not going to let it affect me, I was just shocked that she said that because she doesn’t seem like someone that would think like that
MrsPierce2014: I wish she would, but she tells me its easier said than done because she has 3 kids with him 🙁 I have cried for her. I wish I could help her. All I can do is listen
bbbria: I agree. I have no doubts because DH appreciates his parents relationship and really looks up to them, its so sweet
amiona: You are so right.
Post # 13
Everyone has a choice about what they do, including whether they cheat. I hate people saying ‘they can’t help cheating’. Of course they can, they just chose not to. It’s such a cowardly excuse.
Post # 14
Cheating is only inevitable when one person in the relationship lacks integrity. There are people in this world whose value systems wouldn’t allow for an indiscretion of that magnitude to occur, people with good character don’t cheat. Its a choice and the only people who make the choice to hurt their partners are those who are severely lacking in integrity, decency, or any sort of morality.
Post # 15
I do not think it is inevitable, I do find it facinating however that people choose a mate that they stay with for life when there are 7 billion people on this earth. I do think that its sad that these people you are reffering to are actively entering relations on the impression that after so many years of marriage one of them will cheat.
I do often wonder the secret to a long happy marriage.
I often wonder whether the elderly couples checking into my hotel who seem so in love after 60+ years have secrets. Is it ‘easier’ to cheat in modern times or was it easier to hide before all this modern technology?