Post # 1
Hi bees kinda personal..
i am curious on your views on this scenario…
if you had cheated in a past relationship.. By not having sex.. But just kissing/or making out..
and you regretred it. Never wanted to do it again..
would you fess up about it in your new relationship? Or just keep it to yourself??
And also… If u have cheated in a past relationship whether just a kiss or actual full on cheating… Does your current partner know? Why or why not?
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by willow_1960.
Post # 2
willow_1960: If my new partner asked about it I would tell him. It depends on the situation and comfort level. I asked my FI tons of questions about his past… he asked me very few. He really didn’t want to know.
Post # 3
I mean, does it have any connection to your current relationship? If it’s not, then I don’t see the point of sharing it. Unless asked, I’m not volunteering that information because it just doesn’t make sense to.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
willow_1960: As far as my relationship with FI, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’d want to know if it was him just kissing a girl. Any more and I would want to know, so I guess I would tell him the same if I was in either situation.
He knows about my past relationships as far as any cheating involved, but simply because it came up in conversation. Not sure that I would have shared otherwise because I’m past it.
Post # 5
thnks everyone that’s kinda true… to see why I asked you can see my last false memories post…
i was dwelling on it not because I think he would do it again but because I kept wondering if he was lying about it or if he just trully didn’t remember..
So I wanted to see if a kiss would be a big deal to anyone? I suppose the kiss isn’t a big deal, but lying to me now would be, yet he says he’s not so I’m like whaaa??? Oh well!
Post # 6
I think my DH knows in general terms that I was a bit of a heartbreaker/maneater in past relationships, but he doesn’t really care to know more, so I haven’t shared specifically “Oh yes I cheated on John when I kissed Alan oh and then there was that time I also made out with Hector…” why would he want to know that stuff? I definitely don’t think you should lie about it, but I also think that a confident man in a healthy relationship won’t be too interested in it so it shouldn’t really come up.
Post # 7
“In my guy’s case I vaguely recall him telling me that he kissed someone way back hen he was with his ex-girlfriend.. I brought it up (not in a fight or anything to make him defensive) and he can’t remember us even talking about that, or ever doing that..
My first thougth was.. “ok you don’t have to hide it.. if you already told me.. and I am not mad, (since he seemd very remorseful in my memory)”…
But he trully doesn’t remember! and now it is bugging me! The only things he remembers telling me was of two “one night flings” he had while on a break (of a few weeks or so) with this girl…
So now I wonder if that’s what he told me, and my mind jumbled it up into a “kiss/while together”…
I do recall my ex kissing someone at a bar while on a break with me… so now I am wondering if I mxed the two uip in my head, and the more I go back and replay it, the more blurry it gets and it is driving me crazy *bangs head on wall* haha..”
this is why I ask
<br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” />Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/random-false-memories-anyone/#ixzz3KKjimILT
Post # 8
I think you are way over thinking this OP. If you don’t have a current problem in your relationship, all you’re doing is creating one by drudging up his dating past and/or you’re dating past and meticulously combing through them.
Focus on the now and the person in front of you. Not the people who you both used to be or used to know.
Post # 9
willow_1960: I cheated on my college boyfriend (full on sex) and my FI knows. It came up fairly early on during a discussion about honesty. I had serious issues with lying when I was younger- I lied constantly. It was basically a compulsion that developed out of some rough childhood stuff (PTSD and dissociative identity disorder). I did therapy, lots of work on my self, and I don’t lie anymore. At the time that I told him we were arguing because he had gone out after work with “friends” and left out that one of the friends was a girl who I was not comfortable with (she obviously had the hots for him). He felt he had not lied, and I felt he had. This led to me explaining why I have such a huge issue with honesty, and explaining my past with lying as well as cheating.
However, I do feel like my situation is pretty unique. If it had just been a simple cut and dry cheating in the past I don’t know that I would have brought it up. For me it was wrapped up in lots of other complex things, so it was important. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Post # 10
There is no need to share EVERYTHING about your sexual past.
I find that disclosing partner counts, past cheating etc causes more harm than good.
Post # 11
Hmmm.. I guess what bugs me is that he would hide it after me asking… Which to me is like lying…
but it a part of me could understand to just not tell me to maybe not have me worry or think less of him but I keep wondering! But I think I should just drop it like u guys say
Post # 13
My partner is my best friend I have cheated in the past and he knows ( past relationships) he knows mydeepest darkest secrets and still loves me .. I told him because I want someone who knows the worst of me and still thinks I’m the best no matter my mistakes…. I want someone who knows me through and through and even if I’ve changed knows my journey and what I’ve done and gone throigh, bad good and the ugly
Post # 14
To be honest years ago in a previous relationship I did cheat on my then boyfriend while we were on a ‘break’. I have been with my current SO for 4 yrs and I have not told him, just for the simple reason that he does not want to know about my past sexual experiences as I don’t want to know about his. As long as everything is great in your current relationship I think that’s all that matters.
Post # 15
willow_1960: My husband knows all of my past relationships and the way we broke up. Not because he asked but because it came up in conversation. I think he honestly doesn’t remember, I didn’t read too much into your past post, but I think that you’re overthinking things way too much here.