Cheating question

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

willow_1960:  If my new partner asked about it I would tell him. It depends on the situation and comfort level. I asked my FI tons of questions about his past… he asked me very few. He really didn’t want to know.

Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I mean, does it have any connection to your current relationship? If it’s not, then I don’t see the point of sharing it. Unless asked, I’m not volunteering that information because it just doesn’t make sense to. 

Post # 4
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC

willow_1960:  As far as my relationship with FI, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’d want to know if it was him just kissing a girl. Any more and I would want to know, so I guess I would tell him the same if I was in either situation. 

He knows about my past relationships as far as any cheating involved, but simply because it came up in conversation. Not sure that I would have shared otherwise because I’m past it.

Post # 6
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think my DH knows in general terms that I was a bit of a heartbreaker/maneater in past relationships, but he doesn’t really care to know more, so I haven’t shared specifically “Oh yes I cheated on John when I kissed Alan oh and then there was that time I also made out with Hector…” why would he want to know that stuff? I definitely don’t think you should lie about it, but I also think that a confident man in a healthy relationship won’t be too interested in it so it shouldn’t really come up. 

Post # 8
592 posts
Busy bee

I think you are way over thinking this OP. If you don’t have a current problem in your relationship, all you’re doing is creating one by drudging up his dating past and/or you’re dating past and meticulously combing through them. 

Focus on the now and the person in front of you. Not the people who you both used to be or used to know. 

Post # 9
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

willow_1960:  I cheated on my college boyfriend (full on sex) and my FI knows. It came up fairly early on during a discussion about honesty. I had serious issues with lying when I was younger- I lied constantly. It was basically a compulsion that developed out of some rough childhood stuff (PTSD and dissociative identity disorder). I did therapy, lots of work on my self, and I don’t lie anymore. At the time that I told him we were arguing because he had gone out after work with “friends” and left out that one of the friends was a girl who I was not comfortable with (she obviously had the hots for him). He felt he had not lied, and I felt he had. This led to me explaining why I have such a huge issue with honesty, and explaining my past with lying as well as cheating. 

However, I do feel like my situation is pretty unique. If it had just been a simple cut and dry cheating in the past I don’t know that I would have brought it up. For me it was wrapped up in lots of other complex things, so it was important. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. 

Post # 10
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


There is no need to share EVERYTHING about your sexual past. 

I find that disclosing partner counts, past cheating etc causes more harm than good. 

Post # 13
12 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

My partner is my best friend I have cheated in the past and he knows ( past relationships) he knows mydeepest darkest secrets and still loves me .. I told him because I want someone who knows the worst of me and still thinks I’m the best no matter my mistakes…. I want someone who knows me through and through and even if I’ve changed knows my journey and what I’ve done and gone throigh, bad good and the ugly 

Post # 14
234 posts
Helper bee

To be honest years ago in a previous relationship I did cheat on my then boyfriend while we were on a ‘break’. I have been with my current SO for 4 yrs and I have not told him, just for the simple reason that he does not want to know about my past sexual experiences as I don’t want to know about his. As long as everything is great in your current relationship I think that’s all that matters. 

Post # 15
3430 posts
Sugar bee

willow_1960:  My husband knows all of my past relationships and the way we broke up.  Not because he asked but because it came up in conversation.  I think he honestly doesn’t remember, I didn’t read too much into your past post, but I think that you’re overthinking things way too much here.

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