Post # 1
So I admit I was holding back on committing to inviting some people until the last minute (which is approaching now), but we aren’t doing a B-list, these are all A-list people. These people are mainly friends we’ve lost touch with and coworkers, people that wouldn’t really notice if they weren’t invited and we weren’t sure if there would be room for them in our venue after mandatory family and friends.
I sent an email message to my friend T (I don’t have her phone number) we were roomates in college and have sort of lost touch over the years. But she did invite me to her wedding after us not speaking or seeing each other in a couple years (I know I was a B-lister, but didn’t care) and we hung out at another friends wedding 1 year ago. I sent her a very nice note, telling her I’d love for her to come to the wedding and asking for her address. Read her response. It doesn’t sound bad at first, but after I thought about it for a second I was kind of mad. Why would you say anything besides “Congratulations, have a wonderful wedding” to the bride inviting you!!
I hope you’re doing well, sorry we haven’t spoken in a while..
I would like to invite you and the Mr. to our wedding! It’s on June 12th in Philly. I hope you can make it and I will need your address 🙂
“Oh no! I would love to come to the wedding, but we’re going to be in Hawaii for vacation. I didn’t know what the date was..
Did you invite anyone else from (our college)?”
Am I crazy for being upset over her response? I feel like she was trying to imply that she clearly didn’t get a STD and thought she might be on the B-list. She wasn’t, but even if seh was I thought that was kind of rude for her to ‘uncover’ it. Also, why the heck is it any of her business who else from our college I invited? Why would it matter, especially since she isn’t even coming??
Post # 3
I don’t think she meant anything negative by what she said. Maybe she was just curious who else might be there. She’s probably bummed she is going to miss it. Isn’t it just conversational asking who else might be there?
Post # 4
I don’t know if it is that rude or not. It might be a little blunt but it doesn’t sounds to me like she is trying to be mean. Sometimes emails come across and mean because we can’t hear the person’s tone of voice. I don’t know why she asked who else was invited from your college though.
Post # 5
I think you are reading way too much into her message. Sounds to me like she just didn’t know when you were getting married and already has a holiday to Hawaii planned. You said yourself that you really haven’t kept in touch, so how would she know about the wedding? And she’s probably asking about fellow college friends just because…or wants to know who she may miss out on seeing at your wedding. Her message is perfectly harmless to me.
Post # 6
There is nothing wrong with the email in my opinion; however, it does seem like it is unfinished. She just stated that she has already scheduled a vacation during that time, and has implied that had she known, she might not have scheduled the Hawaii vacation. And as for asking if anyone else from your college is invited; she is probably just curious and wanted to know if anyone she knows will be there.
Post # 7
I always have a hard time reading text and trying to decipher tone, or sarcasm, or whatever.
I feel like her response could be taken two ways: 1) “Oh bummer, that stinks that our vacation fell around the same time as your wedding. If I had known the date, I would have tried to schedule aroud it! & Who else is coming from college? It’s a shame we won’t all get together to have fun on your day” OR 2) “Well, it would have been nice to get an STD, because then I would have known to schedule around it, but that didn’t happen. Who did you invite from college? Were they top choice invitees, unlike me?”
I’m assuming she meant to be taken more along the lines of 1. I wouldn’t take it personally, she might not have meant to be snarky!
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I don’t think that she was trying to hint that she was upset! I think she was just saying she didn’t know the date so they scheduled a vacation! 🙂
Post # 9
I agree with everyone so far that it sounds harmless, but I guess what made me mad is what she left out. That was her entire response, I didn’t shorten it. No ‘congratulations’ or ‘have a great day’, no well wishes. Just wanted to know who else would be there, that’s why I thought it was rude.
I don’t know about everyone else, but I would NEVER ask a bride who else was invited to her wedding, or worse, who I was sitting with. I think that’s kind of a rude question, it’s kind of like putting the fact that they are getting married behind and talking about ‘more important’ things like who will be there.
Post # 10
I agree with noritake. Seems unfinished. However I can see what you mean also. I try not to read into things because otherwise I’ll end up mad. Not worth it.
Post # 11
I’m with noritake. I suspect she wanted to know if other college friends were going to be there . . . if lots of them were, she’d probably want to be there more. I think she was just curious and probably would have considered a different time for her vacation had she known when your wedding is.
My college roommate (who got a STD last fall) just told me this week (after receiving my invitation and only after I commented on the photos her husband sent of her baby) that she won’t be there.
I wouldn’t take it personally.
Post # 12
I think it was innocent enough.
Post # 13
I think she is just getting a conversation going to catch up with you on what is going on since she is not gonna be able to make it to the wedding. That’s my take on it, seemed like perfectly natural flow of conversation between friends.
Post # 14
She did say she would love to come to the wedding.
Post # 15
Has she never talked to you since you got engaged? Maybe she thought that since she congratulated you for getting engaged that it’s sort of the same as congratulating you now for getting married.
Post # 16
I don’t think she meant anything by it at all. Perhaps she just hit send too fast?
I have been known to do that myself.