According to Wikipedia:
chemistry is a complex emotion that two people get when they share a special connection. It is the impulse making one think “I need to see this [other] person again” – that feeling of “we click”. It is very early in one’s relationship that they can intuitively work out whether they have positive or negative chemistry. It has also been described as “intangible, unspoken [and] energetic”. Chemistry is an unconscious decision.
compatibility is the long-term interaction between two individuals in terms of the ease and comfort of communication.
The way I see it, chemistry is a biological and psychological reaction to another person’s chemical composition (hormonal, brain chemicals, pheromones, and also the way they behave and look). Compatibility is the ease in which two people get along be it because they have similar pesonalities, goals, outlooks in life, or simply because they personalities “blend” well or compliment each other.
In my experience, it’s unusual to find both in one person. I personally have never encountered both intense chemistry and good compatibily in any of my romantic partners. Possibly it’s just my luck, but It’s been either one or the other.
For my long term parterniship, my future marriage, my life companion and the father of my children I chose compatibility. My FI is an incredibly kind, communicative, mature man. He’s also good looking and well-educated. We are very similar people,we enjoy the same activities and want the same things out of life. I have a strong personality that he knows how to cool and calm down. I have learned to love someone that I dismissed so many times before because of ‘zero chemistry’.
I could have chosen ‘chemistry’ as in the months previous to my engagement I was still been pursued by a few of my exes with whom I shared a great deal of chemistry. They wanted second chances / had realized that its not often that you find that connection with someone else. We broke up because of bad timing, immaturity or poor compatibility.
So I wouldn’t pick any of these guys over my FI, because at the time it didnt work out for a reason and I now prefer an easygoing and mature relationship that runs smooth (even if its not as passionate as my previous ones). There is not much arguing because we view similarly on most things.
The only better option for me than my FI would be to wait for a guy who has both but there is never guarantee that guy is going to have the other half dozens traits that are important to me. More importantly, I am 30 years old and I want children. I don’t have the luxury to wait that much longer if I want to have a big family.
I have come to terms with my decisions and I am truly happy with my FI most days. Like, 98% of the time. Last weekend, it was the wedding of my best friend, who is a very close friend of my ex. Obviously, he was also in attendance. We didn’t say much to each other (other than hello and quickly catching up on life, we hadn’t seen each other for over 3 yrs) but I was so affected by that encounter. My FI is 10x better than him in every way, the ex is a good person but he’s also impulsive, immature, unfaithful and somewhat emotionally stunted. I have no feelings for him, but the chemistry was still there. It didn’t go anywhere.
Two nights ago, I was out with a girlfriend and then I saw him, out of nowhere, my most recent ex (the one right before my current relationship); my heart was pounding so hard I think everybody in the room could hear it. He came to our table to say hello, my gf invited him to sit with us (I introduced him as an old friend) then my friend had to leave and we stayed there. We talked for hours and hours. Sparks were flying. I hadn’t laughed so hard in over a year. He congratulated me for my engagement and told me that he just had a baby. The more we talked, the harder to ignore the unbelievable chemistry between us. He touched my hand, my arm went on fire. He kissed me goodbye on the cheek, I thought I was going to die. I’m never going to see him again.
Ever since, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Not him necessarily (we’re definitely incompatible for a long term relationship) or my other ex, for that matter. But the actual emotion. The undeniable chemistry. I don’t have that with my FI, I’ve never had. But I’m fine with it, as long as I don’t keep running into my former flames, Lol
What do you think? I know many of you have been blessed with having both in your SO (in various proportions i imagine) but if it was the case, which one would you choose (chemistry or compatibily)? What is more important to you? Do you think I’m right or wrong?