Chemistry vs. Compatibility

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I believe chemistry wears off and there better be some compatability once it does!!

Post # 4
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know what youre saying, and youre not alone. I am not happy with my FI all the time (who is?), but I am constantly secure and that’s what is important to me. He is not the hottest, richest, funniest or smartest guy I’ve dated, but he is the most honest, faithful, communicative, and stable man. These are things that matter the most to me. And yes, I do have to consciously remind myself of this on a regular basis.

Chemistry will always exist between two people who have shared it, In my opinion. You just have to accept that for what it is and let it go. I also think that you can build chemistry a lot easier than compatibility.

Post # 5
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Beeeeeeeee:  The guy I dated right before DH, we’ll call him J… J and I had tons of chemistry and no compatibility. DH and I had chemistry and compatibility… Maybe not as much chemistry but honestly when the chemistry starts to fade if there’s no compatibilty it’ll never work! After a couple months when the original chemistry with J wasn’t taking over my mind I realized we had nothing in common and it was pretty easy to walk away. With DH, we’re best friends, always laughing, have so much in common and that chemistry comes and goes, but I love it like that! 

Post # 6
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Beeeeeeeee: I believe successful relationships require a combination of both. Chemistry will come and go. There are peaks of heightened passion and there are lulls. 

Personally, compatibility is a higher priority, but I still value chemistry and believe it must be there on some level. After ten years of being with my DH, there is still chemistry between us. It ebbs and flows for sure, but that spark still exists. 

Post # 7
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Beeeeeeeee:  I’m right there with you, girl! I had incredible chemistry with my ex. Unfortunately we were not at all compatible, which I found out the hard way. When the flame ran out there was nothing left. I promised myself from then on I would make smarter decisions and focus on compatibility. DH and I have a wonderful relationship. We don’t always have that intense chemistry , but I am so happy with the partner I have chosen and the life we have together. I ran into an ex a whole ago and even touching his hand sent sparks shooting through me. So strange, since he is NOT the type of person I would ever want to be with (running for office as a republican when I am very liberal; a total country guy when I love the city). DH and I share many (but not all) beliefs, and have similar life goals. 

I think we made the right decision 🙂

Post # 8
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Beeeeeeeee:  I refused to choose and always wanted both. Due to this I have been in very few relationships and did not become engaged until just recently, in my early thirties (which some people find to be insanely late, not that I care.) I would have stayed single even longer if I hadn’t met my fiancé. I wasn’t expecting a Hollywood romance nor did I have a mile-long list – I just don’t click with very many people and it was important to me to have that as well as to share long term goals. If I had to choose… I probably would have chosen compatibility, as I believe passion can potentially grow while compatibility is not just going to develop out of nowhere. Or I may have remained single – better single than in an unhappy or mediocre relationship. 

Post # 9
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Avalein:  +100!

I’ve had flings or exes where there was a TON of chemistry. SO was my first real relationship so it was a struggle for me at first because I was used to having an insane amount of chemistry and butterflies. Once I really thought about WHY I had the chemistry & butterflies with the people before SO, I realized that it was mostly circumstantial. Every crush or ex I had that chemistry with, it was because I wasn’t “supposed” to like/be with them (aka my boss or coworker or in one instance, I was the young & stupid other woman)

That kind of “forbidden-ness” makes the butterflies incomparable with a real honest relationship. It took a LOT of thinking and digging deep into my feelings to get over the perceived lack of chemistry with my SO. I had play out the relationships with my crush/fling/ex in my head & realize the relationship wouldn’t have gone anywhere.

My SO & I have way more compatibility than chemistry but I’m okay with that. We still have enough chemistry and we can really enjoy being together. I wouldn’t trade it.

Post # 10
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

With my FI, I have both chemistry and compatibility. I have never felt so physically passionate about anyone. I personally wouldn’t marry someone without the chemistry.

Post # 11
53 posts
Worker bee

Lucky to have both! We first met years and years ago, I was 14 and he was 19. It was definitely a forbidden love (he was camp counsellor and I was a camper!) but there was undeniably chemistry there. 

We never pursued it, but met up 6 years later through a mutual friend. The first moment we sat together he said he knew we had chemistry. I took a little longer, but within a week the chemistry between us was insane. I still get butterflies when he holds my hand and we’ve been together nearly two years. It comes and goes of course, but there’s always that deep attraction towards each other. 

We’re really compatible and play off each other’s strengths. It’s wonderful. There have been a couple other bF’s that I maybe had more chemistry with, but agree it had to do with the ‘forbidden love’ or wanting what I couldn’t have, with some guys. 

Post # 12
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think compatibility is more important for a long term relationship than chemistry. Of course there must be some chemistry – in the form of attraction and sexual attraction, but compatibility is the key. 

Post # 13
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Beeeeeeeee:  Yeah- I agree with a PP that chemistry alone does wear off after awhile.  And after it does, all you have is the past, or an unhappy future.

But I don’t agree that you can’t have both.  For me, there is a lot more chemistry when there is compatibility.  I’ve always been that way.  I don’t like make-up sex- I’m stubborn to a degree.  I know, I sound weird.  Of course there are “off” days with my FI, but the cool part is that the more I am around him, and the more drawn I am to him.  He genuinely makes me happy.  He makes me feel special, he cares for me, he never really complains about anything, he views me as his equal, he takes me and my son into d consideration always.  And that makes me totally want him like crazy.

Post # 14
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Compatibility all the way. I think that will make for chemistry (ups and downs, of course) in the long run.

Post # 15
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I think you can be hapy with anyone if you choose to work hard at that relationship.

But for me personally, I wouldn’t sacrifice compatibility or chemistry. I just waited and dated many many people until I found the person that offered me both. My Mother once told me that even after all these years of being married to my Dad, she still feels butterflies when he walks into a room.

And I wanted to wait for that. 

Post # 16
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think there are 2 kinds of chemistry: physical/sexual/romantic chemistry, and mental/personality chemistry. The latter I would consider to be part of compatibility and is absolutely essential. I have to be with someone I “click” with, who “gets” me on an inexplicable level. Dependability/compatibility is also required. Romantic/physical chemistry isn’t important to me. But luckily, I have all of the above with my husband.

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