Post # 1
Hi everyone. If you’ll allow me to get up on my soapbox for just a second…
Friday morning at 6:17 a.m. we got a phone call that will forever change our lives. My fiance’s father died unexpectedly at the age of 57 and our wedding is in about two months. Instead of worrying about designing a ceremony program for our wedding, I’m now designing and helping with a ceremony and program for his father’s funeral.
Cherish what you have. We all get caught up in having the "perfect" day, and that is absolutely fine, but just be sure to stop and take a second and think about WHY you’re getting married. Because you love your man (or woman) and you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Remember the little moments and try not to waste your days, because it can all end so suddenly.
I’m just so thankful that I had the few opportunities I did to meet FI’s dad, who was a wonderful and caring man. I think the thing that is upsetting me the most is that I won’t be able to get to know him better. FI’s parents and my parents met only once and became such fast friends for the 7 or so hours they were together. Now my parents are flying down to be with us for the funeral.
I knew I was going to have a hard time getting through our wedding day without crying before this (I’m like that) and now I know there is absolutely no chance of that happening. We’re going to honor him in a couple of different ways, but I don’t think his mom is ready to talk about that yet, which is understandable. It broke my heart all over again yesterday when we were all sitting around and she looked at us and said "I’m a widow." Talk about losing it. They’ve been married for 37 years and now she has to live the rest of her life without her best friend. I can’t even imagine having to do that.
So, just cherish what you have. And give your loved ones a big hug this holiday weekend. Thanks for listening.
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. It’s a shame that it can take such a tragedy to shake us out of our wedding-fog. I never developed such a fog, because before I even got engaged my family dealt with a similar tragedy.
In the fall of 2005 my cousin got engaged. Her wedding planning began. In Febuary of 2006 her mother was diagnosed with breat cancer. They decided to post-pone the wedding until she recovered.
Fast forward to spring of 2007 and the wedding planning was back in full swing with my aunt having made a full recovery and having just gotten a clean bill of health! The doctor told her she would be dancing at her grandaughter’s wedding, not just her daughter’s. On June 4th I was e-mailing my cousin addresses for her STDs.
On the morning of June 6th, my mother called my cell phone. I thought she was calling to wish me happy birthday (since it was my bday). Instead she was calling to tell me that my aunt had died in her sleep. She had an infection of a valve in her heart (most likely due to the placement of a central line for her chemo months earlier) that was masked by the steroids she had been taking.
The wedding went forward in January of 2008, and she wasn’t there to celebrate. Instead there was an empty seat with a bouquet of flowers where she should have been.
Looking back, I wish she and my cousin had decided to go ahead with their original plans. She may not have felt that great, she may have been bald, but she would be have been there. But hindsight is 20/20.
As soon as I got engaged, my mother made me swear that no matter what might happen the wedding would take place. If only we could always cherish our loved ones the way we do when one is lost.
Jma19- thanks for reminding us of that. My thought and prayers are with you and your soon-to-be family.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry for both of your losses… thank you so much for sharing this with all of us and for helping us keep our heads on straight. Best of luck to both of you in the rest of your planning – jma19, your FI is so fortunate to have you during this time.
Post # 5
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are so right–We shouldn’t lose sight of things in planning our wedding.
I’m thinking of you and your families during this hard time. *Hugs*
Post # 6
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear about both losses. Jma19, please accept our condolences. Thank you for this post, and I wish you all the best! My thoughts are with you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2012 - Our backyard!
I’m very sorry for your loss, that is so terrible 🙁 Good luck to you and your family <3
Post # 9
I’m so sorry for you loss. My FI’s father died a week ago and it has been painful to realize he won’t be at the wedding.
Post # 10
Thanks for the kind words everyone. This last week was truely the hardest of my life and it made me appreciate what I have. We get married two months from today and it’s still pretty surreal to realize that FI’s dad won’t be there physically. We’re going to leave an open seat for him at the reception with a candle at his seat, which I think is pretty symbolic. We’re also going to honor him at the ceremony in the program and with flowers, but those details all haven’t been worked out yet.
Hug your loved ones. 🙂
Post # 11
My thoughts are with you and your family. *Hug*
Post # 12
I am so sorry that happened, but thank you for reminding us of what’s important. My father is older, and I’m terrified of something like this happening. It is *very* inspirational to see you and your fiance facing this together.
Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing this, and my prayers are with you and your families together.