Post # 1
I am currently going through some serious debate within myself on what my/our next big life decision’s should be. These past 4.5 years I have been traveling between two countries to see my now husband and moving here as well. This past year I have been struggling with my health and I am still going to doctors to resolve the issue at hand. After high school I had my mind set on going to school in NY but my parents had other plans for me. I started college in a town nearby and didnt like the curriculum I was in and dropped out and my life was in limbo. After about a year or so I started to work for a credible telecommuniactions company. I worked there for about 3 years before I left and dedicated my life to traveling to see my now husband. I was able to grab a few banking job’s in between but that was only part-time. I dedicated a lot of my time to seeing my now husband and making things work. He traveled to see me of course as well but his job was quite demanding and he made a considerable amount more than I was. Now, I am 26 with no degree, havent worked in years due to traveling and medical issues and I am constantly catching myself day dreaming about going back to school and getting my degree in Fashion Business Management or totally forgetting that all together and just start having a family with my husband. I know that if I start having a family now I will never go back to school. If I get my degree now, finish and get a job and then start having babies I will be more likely to get back into it and find a job after our children are old enough to go to school. The problem here is my husband is 36 and the degree takes 3 years to complete which means he will be 39 by the time we start trying. He has expressed to me many times that he doesnt want to be “an old parent”. He wants to be able to run after our kids and have the energy to take care of them. I understand where he is coming from and I respect him but I also have to respect myself.
I know a lot of bee’s will say “well, isnt this something that you should have talked about before you got married?” We did talk about this numerous times and we have both flipped back and forth with our decisions on when to start trying. I’m just so lost in this whole thing.
Any POSITIVE and/or creative feedback is welcome. Thank you Bee’s!
Post # 3
@Lepidoptera: Your story sounds fairly similar to mine. Only i have a degree…but not really in what i now know i want a lot more…
Is it possible to go to school slowly while you have kids? I’m toying with that idea. Just taking one class at a time while I am at home raising my family. However, I’m not a mom yet and dont plan to for a few more years – so maybe that would be way too difficult.
Post # 4
@Lepidoptera: I’m a little ambitious but I think I would try for both.
I would sign up for school and TTC. If your health problems are related to fertility it may take you a while to get pregnant and that way you could be working on your education and getting those issues ironed out. If you do end up pregnant very soon you could just not sign up for next semester and not have to worry about school work and delivery.
Does the school/program offer online classes? I know many women with kids that were able to graduate by taking some online classes. If your husband can financially support your family I think it is an attainable goal.
ETA: One of my very good friends was enrolled in school when she delivered and just was honest and upfront with the professors beforehand and they worked with her.
Post # 5
@Lepidoptera: I know that if I start having a family now I will never go back to school.
Why is that? Why would having a family now lead you to never go back to school?
Why can’t you start school now and start TTC? You can continue to take classes even after your child is born, even if you can’t take as many as before, you’d still be progressing toward your goal.
Post # 6
In your situation, I agree with PPs, I’d want to start TTC and then take courses slowly while raising my family. I feel like that’s a great option.
I sympathyze with your DH- I want to have enough energy to really ‘parent’ my kids, all the way through high school! Plus the younger he is when you guys TTC, the better chances of having healthy babies.
(My cousin is a behavior analyst/therapist for autistic children tells me that research has shown that the older the father is, the more likely it is that a baby will be diagnosed with autism or another disorder at some point. NOT trying to freak you out- it’s a really small percentage of babies still, and more likely than not your babies would be perfectly happy and healthy. But I’m paranoid and this is something I would still want to take into consideration.)
I definitely *don’t* think you should give up on going to school, though. I think you should just find a way to make it work for *you,* rather than sacrificing things that you really want.
Post # 7
I would try to both at the same time.
Post # 8
Go for the degree, it seems like you already put off school for too many other people. And you can absolute do both, I actually think school is a good time to have kids because school is only a few hours a week (12 – 18 hrs) so hiring a babysitter for that time would not be too costly.
What programs are you thinking of doing? I working in higher ed in NYC so I can tell you about some of the programs. If you are going to go back to school I 110% recommend/insist you attend a good program. Some I would suggest:
Public Options: Any CUNY 4-yr school (public so the cost is low but strong reputation) or FIT
Private Options: Marymount Manhattan, Pace University, NYU, Fordham
Post # 9
me and my (now ex) husband and I were in a familiar situation he lived in another country and I worked here and there while living in the states when I went and lived with him in his country we decided to TTC. I was a highschool drop out but he had a good job making a considerable amount of money for that country and I soon had a child at the age of 19 I then moved back to the states to have my son so my family could be there for me as my ex husband worked too much soon we were divorced and I am now a single mother in my 3rd semester working towards my business degree, I am a full time employee, and an excellent mother. I am doing everything I wanted in life. My point? me getting divorced is irrelevant to this but, what I am trying to say is if a single mother can get her degree while working full time you sure can TTC and get a degree. Try online courses for everything you can.
Post # 10
My SIL has a baby and a 4-yr old and she is also going to school part-time for engineering. She’s getting it done even though its taking a little longer. It is possible to do both if you don’t need your extra income and can dedicate all your time to the a baby and school. She goes to class at night when her DH gets home from work.
Post # 11
@Lepidoptera: I agree with PPs, try for both! I think there is a compromise here. Can you afford to go to school and have childcare with just your husband’s income? Alternatively, could a family member provide childcare? OR could you take classes at night, once your husband is home from work. Looking into online courses is also a good idea.
I’m in graduate school and lots of people have kids, it’s really not uncommon. Investing in your education and career is a good thing!
Post # 12
I would start the degree, but maybe start TTC at the same time? It sounds crazy, but it is definitely doable as I have seen people in the past do it before. Maybe since you have health issues and are starting to plan to have a family you could find an online program to fit into your schedule?
Unless you literally get pregnant right away, you should expect to be TTC for at least a few months. If you go to school year round (including summers) you could probably finish up a little bit earlier than expected. Even if you got pregnant in three months by the time the baby was born you’d at least have a year of school under your belt. Then depending on the time the baby is born you could always take some time off of school.
I knew a woman who was planning on having a family. Her plan was to be TTC during the times of the school year that, if she got pregnant, the baby would be born during the earlier months of the summer break. We are off mid-May until the end of August here, so that was actually a pretty big chunk of time. If she didn’t get pregnant during those time periods then she went off TTC for a few months.
Post # 13
I would do both, but that’s me.
My sister’s father was 48 when she was born and has no issues keeping up with her, if it matters 🙂
Post # 14
@HappinessIsInDaisies: My SIL just had a baby girl and is doing online courses for her masters and when I saw her last week she said she regreted signing up for the online courses. That alone scared me.
Post # 15
@sugar_biscuit: My health problems haven’t shown to affect my fertility but we will know once we start trying right? My SIL just had a baby girl and she told me last week that she regrets enrolling in online classes to get her masters.
For this particular program, no. No online courses are available. 🙁
Post # 16
@IAmTheShadow: I feel like maybe when we have children I will want to put all of my energy into them the first couple of years. I grew up in a family where my mom stayed home and my dad was the main income of our family. I guess deep down I don’t know how to juggle the two, school and taking care of children.