(Closed) Childfree by choice couples …. i need help!!!

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Smurfylove82:  Are people really going to hound you, you think? I find that we don’t often get asked, and if we do, it’s very well-meaning and simply out of curiousity. I have not had an issue with anyone critisizing our decision, and a simple “Kids aren’t for us” ends the conversation politely. Just explain it to them, just as you did in your post. 

As far as “boredom”, I don’t think having kids affects that one way or the other. There are plenty of relationships that have lost that “spark” even if they have a million kids. Whether you choose to have kids or not, you will always have to work to maintain a healthy and fun relationship. If you find things have become stale, having kids will not cure that. 


Post # 5
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We just smile and change the subject. We’ve even stated that we’re CBC but we get those “you’ll change your minds” comments. It’s annoying, but most people, especially those just trying to make small talk, don’t know what to say except for the standard lines, and often it’s just them filling conversation space, rather than pushing anything on us.

You won’t get bored with each other or your lives. You’ll be too busy! And if anyone suggests that you will and should have children to alleviate that, tell them that children are not entertainment and that you take child-rearing seriously enough that you won’t have kids just to have something to do, or to please others. Then smile and change the subject.

And, you might change your minds, it’s true, – we all might. Or life might not give us the option: one of my bffs, CBC with her husband of 10 years, suddenly found out she was pregnant and freaked. They didn’t WANT kids. Ever. But now they have one, and they’re thrilled. So, do what you want, and whatever life brings you, enjoy it. 

Post # 6
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Smurfylove82:  If you really feel that you’ll get criticism just don’t say anything. People will probably assume that you’re infertile and just feel bad for you rather than hounding you.

Post # 8
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Re: the commentary from other people, I just try to remember not to get defensive and brush it off. I feel the same for people who have children as well as people who don’t – others are typically just trying to chat with you about your life when they ask you questions about your child choices, and in my experience no one’s been hostile to us putting off children for 10 years or never having them at all. People don’t always agree, but approaching their questions in a non-defensive pleasant way deflects some of the angst that can develop from these conversations on both sides. Then you can just change the subject and move on!

Agree with @ProfessorGirl:  about the boredom aspect.

Post # 11
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ProfessorGirl:  Ugh, I get the “you’ll change your mind” comment sometimes. It’s ridiculous, I’m almost 36, and the older I get I want children even less! Not to mention i really don’t have a large time window to “change my mind”. I think some people think the minute I walk down the aisle I’m going to have some kind of epiphany.


Post # 13
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d cross that bridge when you get there. I realize given your cultural background, being CBC is a reason to be self conscious ( you feel like everyone is thinking about you, talking and will hound you), but don’t worry about it until or if it happens. People will always talk, about everything and anything.  As others said just let it roll off your back and stand true to your beliefs. People will respect someone who is confident and non-defensive! Time is also on your side! The longer you guys uphold your beliefs, the less and less they will have to talk about and fuss over it.

Post # 15
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Smurfylove82:  Moms take it particularly hard, and have the hardest time letting go of it (my mother still has hope that I’ll change my mind!). And older women in general often take it as a judgement on their own decisions. So I find in that case that it diffuses the situtation, and helps validate her, if I just say, “Well, maybe you’re right. I might change my mind. Let’s just see what life brings.” When it’s my mom, I hug her and say “But of course, I’m awfully glad that you had me.” I mean, I really am. And she still needs to be told that.

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