Childfree by circumstance? (another CBC question)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@CARA1978:  I would say that all of the CBC bees are child-free because they do not wish to have children, since CBC means child-free by choice.

I am someone who was child-free by circumstance. I did not marry until I was 47 but always wanted to marry the right person and have children.  I now have four stepchildren, and I am far from the ideal childbearing age. However, my DH and I remain very open to having a baby of our own.

Post # 4
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 Well, I made my choice a long time ago and I’m 100% happy with it. As it turned out, I get debilitating migraines when my hormone levels shift, and I had fibroids. So  even had I wanted children, it’s doubtful that my body would have cooperated. It makes no difference to me. However, it actually made my Mom come to terms with her lack of future grandchildren. So out worked out in my favor.

Post # 6
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MariContrary:  I also can relate to your story. I’ve had multiple fibroids and cysts and have had a number of GYN surgeries for these issues.

Post # 7
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a really bad back – I would love to have 1 child. If I have 1 healthy child, I don’t think I would push the envelope any further. However if we don’t have children, I am very loving and have a big heart for animals – esp. cats. I have 3 cats and 1 dog right now and am very happy with that. Some days I thank my lucky stars that i don’t have any children *stress* or whatever. But other days I really wish I had a little one to give all my extra love and time to. I know I would be a great mom. We have thought about adoption – but with my insurance right now we are not getting married, not sure if they would allow a couple to adopt a child> we have been together for almost 8 years? We have a great stable relationship, I am a teacher and he is a machine operator/mechanic.

Post # 8
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CARA1978:  being CBC is about not wanting children period. That means not just naturally but by adoption, fostering or marriage.

Somebody who is unable to have children naturally can still become a parent by many different avenues.

Doesthe fact that you can’t have children naturally sometimes influence someones choice to become CBC- of course. But those people would have already been having doubts about being a parent.

Post # 10
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Brielle:  If it’s any consolation, my aunt had her youngest daughter at 48-ish. She thought she’s started menopause. Didn’t realize she was having a baby until she went to the hospital because her “gall bladder had come loose and was moving around.” Turns out she was 5 months along. 

 

Post # 11
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CARA1978:  That was the point I was making. Being CBC is assessing all the information and factors and making the choice not to have children. It can be many things and is usually a combination of things.

Being not able to have children naturally does not make you CBC by default. It makes you unable to have kids naturally. As I pointed out there are many options to have a child in your life.

If finding out that not being able to have a child naturally is the only reason that you decide to not become a parent then I would think that there is something wrong with that person and they need to speak to a therapist. I would also question if that person every really wanted a child in the first place.

 

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@j_jaye:  Ouch. That response is really harsh sounding. I think you might be forgettign that, while having a child naturally is expensive, having a child by other means is exhorbitantly expensive even PRIOR to having that child in your life. I think the stress and constant disapointment of trying to adopt is something a lot of couples just know they can’t handle. But I don’t think this necessarily means someone’s desire to be a parent should be questioned. Or perhaps I’m misunderstanding your point?

Post # 14
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CharleighT:  Actually no, foster care is entered into free of charge. So there are always options if your desire for children is that high.

But the point was that if you can’t have children naturally but want then you are not CBC. The BC in CBC stands for by choice.

Post # 15
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CARA1978:  I’m CBC but it’s also because of my disabilities/disorders and not wanting to possiby pass those on to future children.

Post # 16
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@CARA1978:  I was never gaga about kids but when I started puberty I got extreme endometriosis.  After several failed more minor surgeries I was in such pain that I couldn’t go to school, hold down a job, or have any type of social life.  When I 28 I had a complete hysterectomy.  I knew that lots of guys are actully into the kids thing and I was afraid that it wouldmake relationships difficult.  I actually met my FI two weeks after my surgery.  We both don’t want to adopt and instead enjoy hanging out with his nieces (two boys) a few times a year.  It’s still annoying that people assume that the next step is us having kids.  Since having the surgery I have been able to go to graduate school, hold down jobs, and have a richer social life than I ever could have imagined.  It was the best decision I ever made.

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