(Closed) Haven’t picked BMs.. BFF isn’t acting like a BFF :'(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think I’ve actually been in her shoes before…

I was BF’s with this girl for a few years, we talked every day, wrote letters, hung out constantly; but whenever she got a boyfriend she’d drop me completely. We were at different stages in our life – I was in college; she was older and ready to settle down. She dated her husband for about 6 months when they got engaged – they had already discussed it (and we had) so it wasn’t a suprise when she called to say they were engaged – so I was the BAD friend and didn’t act all excited about it (not to mention I had been in a car accident the day before and was a little preoccupied). We had always talked about being MOH’s in each others weddings. When she didn’t ask I was really hurt; kept waiting for her to ask, but she never did and I ended up as a personal attendant instead.

She chose all family to be in her wedding party – her reasoning being that she wanted to still be in contact with all of her bridal party years down the line.

Fast forward a few years and we don’t talk at all any more. We grew apart, but the wedding did throw a wrench in things for both of us – I found out later she was really hurt by my lack of excitement; I was hurt by not having a more important role.

We all expect everyone to be as excited as we are (and luckily all my friends were super excited for me) but it may not be. Do you see yourself as being friends with this girl years down the line? Or is your relationship on the way out? Can you forgive her for her lack of excitement or is it a deal breaker? It may be that when you confirm her position as MOH she will be super excited (I know that I wouldve been). I think you should definetly sit down and talk to her about it now – not later. I found out my friend was hurt years after the fact. I could’ve explained myself right away and maybe things would have been different. Talk to her and then decide.

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know just how you feel! I picked my best friend as my bridesmaid, and my childhood best friend af my MOH. She was so mad at me! But I just felt like she was the better choice as a MOH. As of today, my best friend isnt in my wedding, nor my best friend. (who is also my FI’s sister) She caused me all kinds of problems and I didnt want to remember me planning my wedding around her and what she wanted, so now she just ins’t in it! And boy, do I feel better! 🙂 

She also didnt congratulate me when I told her we were engaged. And I didnt want someone standing up there with me, who didnt want to be or wasnt happy for me. And im so glad that this happened before the wedding, and not after.

Post # 6
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I didn’t read your entire post, but being so far out from your wedding I don’t think you should make any decisions on this for a while.  Wait till September; maybe things will come around and make it clear who you’d like.

Post # 9
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Tough place to be. :/ Ultimately though you need to do what feels right to you. I agree with pp about waiting to decide for sure. Let her know that you’re not choosing anyone to be in your party until then and maybe she’ll quit hounding you about it… If she steps up without the ‘title’ maybe you’ll want to include her more; if not then you can express that to her. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@SunshineLovin:  Yeah I agree. I replaced her with a cousin of mine I hardley know. But shes family. So much better then just a friend. She told you not to pick any of your  “new” friends! Wow! She sounds like my friend! Ugh! People like that are so irritating.

Post # 11
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@SunshineLovin:  It sounds like you two have different agendas in life now. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, for her to treat you as she’s been, attempt to sneak in snide remarks about you divorcing, hanging up on you, and telling you not to choose any of the “new” girls in your life etc. is downright rude and manipulative. Further, for her to assume she is MOH and try to provoke you into telling her your bridesmaid choices is really weird and immature, like she wants to pick a fight. Your bridal party and whether she is in it is not your priority.

Don’t give her that fight. If she asks again, tell her you’ll choose when you’re good and ready. I strongly suggest that you do not choose her. She is showing no signs of respect for you or your relationship and is being very selfish. To be in the bridal party is an honor, and there is nothing honorable about the way she’s been acting. You don’t want someone like that near you on your special day.

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SunshineLovin:  If I were in your shoes, I would not choose her. As a PP stated, she has little regard for you or your relationship. Please pick women who will help you, love you. support you because weddng plannig is stressful enough without having to fight your bridal party.

Do you love your cousins enough to have them? Would you be comfortable with just one BM, your sister? That would be the easiest.

Do not let this “friend” manipulate you.

The topic ‘Haven’t picked BMs.. BFF isn’t acting like a BFF :'(’ is closed to new replies.

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