Post # 1
I’ve had this paticular girlfriend since elementary school. We are both nearly 30 and she’s getting married. She attended my wedding in mexico and was a bridesmaid. (3 years ago) she has 8 bridesmaids and she didn’t ask me to be one of them. She asked ladies that she’s only known for 2-3 years. I almost feel humiliated and betrayed. She invited me so of course I’m going, but as her wedding day nears closer I feel sicker and sicker. I’m almost feeling so crappy and betrayed I almost want to make up a BS story and bail. I won’t becase life it too short and if she dies next week, I will regret not going.
Am I a horrible person for taking this so seriously?
Should I bail on her? I’m clearly not as important to her ad I thought I was.
Post # 2
Kayla Rose : I’m sorry your upset bee, that’s a tough spot. Have you guys lost touch since your wedding? I totally understand why your hurt and I don’t think your a horrible person at all but I think you already know bailing on the wedding isn’t the answer, like you said life is too short.
Post # 3
I’ve been in the same spot. My best friend since 1st grade was a bridesmaid in my first wedding and I was not in hers. I was devestated. She did include me as part of the “house party” and myself and another girl handed out programs, but overall it really hurt my feelings. But I enjoyed the day and let it go. She did admit a few years later she regretted not having me and felt terrible about it. Obviously I didn’t let it ruin our friendship. It was just one day and our friendship was more important.
Post # 4
I feel you, bee. It sucks to feel like you don’t mean as much to someone as they do to you. Like PP said, maybe she thinks you have grown apart in recent years and feels closer to some of the women she asked even though the duration of the friendship is shorter. I would keep your feelings to yourself and go, but make more of an effort to reach out to her and ask how she’s doing, hang out more, etc. A friendship is so much more than just a wedding, especially a longtime one.
Post # 5
How often do you speak with each other and see each other?
Post # 6
I am sorry that you are hurt. It would obviously sting to feel like someone you have cared about for a long time and have included in big days of yours isn’t including you that way you’d like to be. It really sucks, but something I think to keep in mind is that you don’t know exactly what she was thinking when she did this. If you feel the need to, you could talk to her about that. I feel that if you guys are close enough, it shouldn’t be a conversation that is too hard to approach. As for considering making up an excuse to not go, I think that that is an overreaction. I know you are hurt and the context of it is a bit of a mystery, but at the end of the day, she did want you at the wedding and invited you, and it’s her day and about her, and I think choosing to not go because you feel left out is not a great choice and a little bit selfish. The only reason I’d say to bail is if you knew for a fact that you wouldn’t be able to have fun and be there for your friend as a guest or if she explained leaving you out in a way that suggests you aren’t friends.
Post # 7
Kayla Rose : That sounds really tough…
How often do you speak? Have you grown apart?
I would go. Not so much for her but for yourself so that you can look back and know that you went despite this sad news. If you became super close again (if you have lost touch) then you’ll be glad you were there for her on her special day
In the meantime you’re entitled to have a bit of space to cool down from the blow
Post # 8
Kayla Rose : is it possible in anyway that she maybe thought you couldn’t afford being a bridesmaid?
Post # 9
Maybe she doesn’t want any married Bridesmaids? I’ve had other friends do that.
Post # 10
Aw man sorry bee. I can relate. My best friend recently had a small intimate wedding (6 people) and didn’t invite me but a different friend in my place. A friend I don’t even know to boot… and she lied about it. Her ‘marriage celebration’ is tonight at her house and I know I can’t stay long as I will end up in tears if I do. I’m going because I would never miss it and I’m happy for her…but I’m so sad inside.
Post # 11
lovelyfleur86 : I’m wondering if this was the reason too. It’s not a very good reason, but it’s not unheard of.
Friendships change OP and so do people’s priorities and feelings. There’s nothing you can do to change anything except be a supportive friend. Sorry, bee.
Post # 12
Kayla Rose : I am sorry you are hurt but quite frankly it is not tit for tat for who is going to be in who’s wedding. Be happy for her that she found someone to be happy with. Quite frankly you sound immature it is not the end of the world. Go to the wedding support her marriage.
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s immature to feel hurt…I would be extremely hurt as well! It is always hurtful to be in situations like these. It’s quite possible she will regret it in a few years, so I would just take the high road and smile and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. I actually didn’t include any recent friends in my wedding party – only childhood friends and relatives. Even though I’m not as close to them as I once was, I know they’ll always be there for me and they’ve played a huge role in my life growing up. I won’t look back on the photos and be like, “who on earth is that girl?” However, I know other people choose to take a different approach and ask girls who they feel the closest to at that moment. It is also quite possible because you’re married, you weren’t included.
Post # 14
Kayla Rose : oh bee I would be sooo hurt to. Don’t bail just do your best.
Post # 15
Kayla Rose : You should still go to her wedding but totally understable why you feel crappy/hurt over this. Is it possible that at the moment she feels closer to the other girls than you?